Sanity Check. Avoid contact or give her a call? I wanna raise IL.

[8ball]

I need a quick sanity check. I had a date this weekend w/ a woman I am starting to like. We hit it very well and really clicked. It was our second date, but we kissed, held hands, laughed..and
generally had a great time. She brought up a third date and I accepted. This woman really seemed into me and she gave me a helluva kiss goodnight. Due to our work schedules,one week is going to elapse between the second and third date.

Ok..so she seems interested. I want to keep her interest and I want her to fall head over heels for me. According to the DJ Bible, in order to do this, I should effectively 'fall off the face
of the earth' between now and the third date. I say this b/c I would really like to email her, call her etc. but this is ( according to the information on this site ) a definite IL killer.

What's really killing me here is the fact that other guys are asking her out and are interested as well. So, while I'm out of the picture and incommunicado, other guys can be moving in. In this
case, is it wise to avoid contact ? I hate second guessing myself but I would like some objective analysis of this situation. Basically, should I stay the course and avoid contact, or send her a little email here & there? I am 31 & she's 29, by the way, so I'm thinking that the high school games might not
apply. ( No offense to younger DJ's. )

A side note: In my opinion, I have played it pretty much PERFECTLY up to this point. No mistakes.

 

[bugsquish]

She brought up a third date and I accepted.

What about checking your schedule? Woulda given you an excuse to call her midweek.... Not much use now I guess.

I never call a chick without a reason - she'll think you're hooked. But at the same time I think being TOO aloof is harmful when the IL is there. You could call her midweek to explain why you gotta be half an hour late for the date? You can have one quick conversation, but you can really make it count. Be funny, suave and make it go out with a bang so she's thinking of you all week. So long as you have a legit excuse for calling her.

 

[The Real Deal]

" A side note: In my opinion, I have played it pretty much PERFECTLY up to this point. No mistakes. "


Then keep it up. If you already have a 3rd date set up, don't contact her till then, it's only a damn week. If you call her before that, you're showing signs of insecurity.

 

[Albion2]

I agree with Real Deal don't even think about calling her. Hell, you should be doing the same thing she is, talking to other chicks.

This is where the fun comes in though, it's called competition! To me it's like playing a game of chess with another suitor. Wanna win, read The Art of War by SunTzu.

-al

 

[8ball]

This is where the fun comes in though, it's called competition! To me it's like playing a game of chess with another suitor. Wanna win, read The Art of War by SunTzu

-----------------------------

How can you win if your pieces aren't even on the board? If I am 'off the radar' how can I compete w/ a guy who is physically in her presence?

 

[The Real Deal]

" How can you win if your pieces aren't even on the board? "

WTF are you talking about? Your pieces are on the board, as well as everyone elses. You just need to impress her so much that she'll remember yours are there.


" If I am 'off the radar' how can I compete w/ a guy who is physically in her presence? "


So you're saying it's a matter of, " out of sight out of mind "?
If you feel that way, call her every other hour to see what she's doing, where she's going. Ask her to call in sick so you can be with her all day so as not to be out of mind. If you continue acting like this, you'll be out of sight forever. Re-read your post, and everyones reply, and just sit tight.

 

[becker]

8ball, I hear you. I hate all these "games" that we seem to have to play, but my advice would be to not overthink the situation.

You shouldn't spend all your time worrying about decreasing interest level just because you decided to call her, etc. The best defense to anything like this would be that if she really begins to show a drop in IL just because you called her a day too early, you need to just say hasta la vista, baby, then see what she does. Don't let little rules like this run your life.

I have a girl now that I've posted about that I haven't even gone on any dates with since she has a BF, but I'm calling her up whenever I feel like it, and not getting any negative responses. Communication is key, don't overlook it just because of some things you read on a message board. At the same time, don't call her every other hour either, unless you have something important to say.

 

[bugsquish]

but we kissed, held hands, laughed..and
generally had a great time

I don't think being out of sight is gonna ruin your chances here, you're ahead of the other suitors already. Your game has been tight!

But I still think a lot of DJs take it too far "playing cool". These aloofness games are there to raise IL right? You already got the IL you just need to keep from losing it. I have been seeing this girl for a few weeks. For a while I was TOO aloof and she ended up thinking I wasn't interested. If I had gone an entire week without calling her I don't know if I would've got this far.

Someone said to me "it's a dance, not a war" and my game changed overnight. In the end it was loosening up the "rules" and letting a little improvisation into my game that won her over.

 

[The Real Deal]

We're not talking about any hard set rules here. He had 2 dates with her, he's having another one just a week later. How does calling her now do anything except make him look like he's a needy little b1tchboy who can't go a week without her?

8, when was your last date, when is the next?

I'd bet if just chills, she'll call him first. If not, it doesn't matter cause he'll see her soon enough.

 

[bugsquish]

Originally posted by The Real Deal
How does calling her now do anything except make him look like he's a needy little b1tchboy who can't go a week without her?

LOL agreed, but that's why I suggest the legit excuse approach. It's unavoidable, he's got to reschedule half an hour later. She knows that the call only happened cuz he's a busy, but considerate man. He spends those few minutes being suave as hell and reminding her how much she likes him and why, then ON A HIGH NOTE it's "bye"...

 

[Trapspringer]

We're not talking about any hard set rules here. He had 2 dates with her, he's having another one just a week later. How does calling her now do anything except make him look like he's a needy little b1tchboy who can't go a week without her?

I agree. By not calling her, it says a lot more good things than you can probably say if you call her before then.

Just chill man. Don't worry about her suitors. If you made a good impression, nobody should be able to kill within a week's time.

Bottom line: if she is cool enough to not call you before the date, you can be cool enough to not call her before the date. At least you two will be on the same page.

 

[Albion2]

Originally posted by 8ball
How can you win if your pieces aren't even on the board? If I am 'off the radar' how can I compete w/ a guy who is physically in her presence?

But you do know where the chess pieces are, and you know your opponent. The chess pieces are the bits information you were able to solicit from her on your first two dates. And you're opponent is another man which you should know cause you are one.

Example

You catch a piece of information from her on her first date about her loving the play Othello. The next day you find out that it's playing next friday and purchase some good seats.

You, "Hey, you wanna go out this friday?"

Her, "No, I'm busy."

You, "Damn, I got these great seats to Othello at the PAC from my boss today. I thought I remembered you saying that you loved that play so I figures I'd see if you wanted to go. Anyway, have a great time on Friday."

If she's really into you, I guarantee she'll be calling you back with, "Did you ever find anyone to go to Othello with you?"

At which point you say, "No, everyone had plans, are you interested?"

I mean at worst you lose $50 or $60 in the process. And it's not like the tickets would be useless, you could always ask one of the other women you're dating too.

I know we all hate saying that we're playing games, but that literally what it is. Why not use all the resources you have to win at it. I mean really, do you think a General says when being attacked but outnumbering forces. "Well I know we're going to lose, so don't spend the money on any more bombs." No, he spends all the resources he has in order to give him an even better chance at winning the battle.

-al

 

[Walden]

All of those were great advice , my only addition would be to note that you shouldn't get too uptight.

What's really killing me here is the fact that other guys are asking her out and are interested as well. So, while I'm out of the picture and incommunicado, other guys can be moving in.

It sounds like you're running some headgames on yourself over that chick , which will make you crazy...

 

[PEACEDJ]

Don't stall like this. She sounds interested, so don't worry about it. I'm sure she won't cancel your date for another dude, and if she does she just made a hell of a mistake.

 

[8ball]

Thanks for the input guys!

Yeah, I think smart money would be to go along w/ the general consensus and lay low.

Anyway, she DID contact me via email just a short time ago. I think I'm over analyzing this b/c I'm attracted to this woman and it's making me lose my cool.

Steady as she goes..

 

[The Real Deal]

I'd bet if just chills, she'll call him first

Damn, I should've laid odds.

 

[Eyecandie4ya]

Originally posted by Albion2
But you do know where the chess pieces are, and you know your opponent. The chess pieces are the bits information you were able to solicit from her on your first two dates. And you're opponent is another man which you should know cause you are one.

Example

You catch a piece of information from her on her first date about her loving the play Othello. The next day you find out that it's playing next friday and purchase some good seats.

You, "Hey, you wanna go out this friday?"

Her, "No, I'm busy."

You, "Damn, I got these great seats to Othello at the PAC from my boss today. I thought I remembered you saying that you loved that play so I figures I'd see if you wanted to go. Anyway, have a great time on Friday."

If she's really into you, I guarantee she'll be calling you back with, "Did you ever find anyone to go to Othello with you?"

At which point you say, "No, everyone had plans, are you interested?"

I mean at worst you lose $50 or $60 in the process. And it's not like the tickets would be useless, you could always ask one of the other women you're dating too.

I know we all hate saying that we're playing games, but that literally what it is. Why not use all the resources you have to win at it. I mean really, do you think a General says when being attacked but outnumbering forces. "Well I know we're going to lose, so don't spend the money on any more bombs." No, he spends all the resources he has in order to give him an even better chance at winning the battle.

-al

I don't agree with this due to the fact that she wasn't interested in "being" with you until you mention something about Othello. Fellas, do not fall for this because it will get you nowhere. It's better to take a friend, relative or someone you already cool with then someone you're taken out for the first time.

For 8ball: hold it out, man.....she will be there. If you want to say something to her it's o.k. to call 3 or 4 days after the date and just ask her about her day. Women her age love that because most guys don't do it. But always get off the phone like this:

You: well I'm going to get back to work/or about to leave, so I talk to you later. Peace