Okay, I've posted about this a few times here. Each time its been in the context of a circumstance but this time I'm just going to put it as simply as I possibly can. I'd really like some replies/advice because i feel directionless with it right now.
I have trouble with Kino.
Not all kino. Specifically more intimate kino. There comes a point (which all DJs should be able to recognise) when the situation calls for escalation.
David DeAngelo talks about this. If you're expected to kiss, and you dont, this comes off very insecure. I agree with this 100%. I find myself in these situations a lot. I have my game well-enough practiced that I can attract women, but there's still a pocket of rAFC resistance fighting back.
6 months ago, the idea of getting a woman's number made me dump my pants. Now I can do it with relative ease. I feel like this is the next logical step in my journey.
Perhaps I haven't been explaining my "plight" well enough. Here's an example of Kino i'm totally comfortable doing:
Lets say a girl is talking and spits on my arm by mistake
I have no problem picking up her hand and making her wipe it off (all the while joking with her).
Here's another one: sitting on a couch with a girl and her knee is digging into me rather uncomfortably. I'll tell her that if she's gonna keep pestering me, I'm gonna at least get some use out of her and then proceed to use her as an armrest.
Both of these examples, I feel, are good examples of kino interwoven with ****y and funny situations. Although they imply interest and they certainly help generate interest, they do not SHOW interest overtly.
I contrast this against overt kino, which is something like an arm around the shoulder, a back massage, or a kiss. Since these all involve prolonged contact and are a great bit more intimate, they serve to advance things.
"Implied" kino is good for getting you to a place where you can use some "overt" kino to advance. MY PROBLEM comes in using the "overt" kino. I think that its a holdover from my AFC days where I'm afraid that since its a clear indicator of interest, i'm afraid to be rejected.
Now, replies with "JUST DO IT DOOOD OMG" will not be very helpful. I'm fully aware that it comes down to me deciding "aw f uck it" and just going for it. The last few times i've been in a situation that called for action, I've either waited for OVERWHELMING proof on her part that it was called for, or just blown it completely.
I'm trying to work this out on my own as well. I try to tell myself that, for example, if a girl begs you to put on a movie that you both love, then proceeds to sit as close to you as possible (on a rather large couch), and demonstrates excessively open body language...it's probably safe to assume she wants you to make a move on her ASAP.
I know this but i find it hard to act appropriately. I feel like deep down i'm not sure what to do. I find it awkward to just throw my arm around her with no "reason" or context. I found that what helped me, as sort of a crutch, is in a situation like the above, when she shifts around her weight on the couch, to sort of gesture towards myself and say, "hey. c'mere". I dont like having to wait for the "right moment", but i'll take it for now.
I hope this is all coherent. This has been bothering me for months now, and I feel that it's really holding me back a LOT. There are other areas I need to work on as well, but I'm promising myself that this will no longer be an issue in my life.
If anyone has advice, comments, questions, or has had a similar experience, post. The more I can talk about it with people, the more i feel like I can get it figured out.
I have trouble with Kino.
Not all kino. Specifically more intimate kino. There comes a point (which all DJs should be able to recognise) when the situation calls for escalation.
David DeAngelo talks about this. If you're expected to kiss, and you dont, this comes off very insecure. I agree with this 100%. I find myself in these situations a lot. I have my game well-enough practiced that I can attract women, but there's still a pocket of rAFC resistance fighting back.
6 months ago, the idea of getting a woman's number made me dump my pants. Now I can do it with relative ease. I feel like this is the next logical step in my journey.
Perhaps I haven't been explaining my "plight" well enough. Here's an example of Kino i'm totally comfortable doing:
Lets say a girl is talking and spits on my arm by mistake
I have no problem picking up her hand and making her wipe it off (all the while joking with her). Here's another one: sitting on a couch with a girl and her knee is digging into me rather uncomfortably. I'll tell her that if she's gonna keep pestering me, I'm gonna at least get some use out of her and then proceed to use her as an armrest.
Both of these examples, I feel, are good examples of kino interwoven with ****y and funny situations. Although they imply interest and they certainly help generate interest, they do not SHOW interest overtly.
I contrast this against overt kino, which is something like an arm around the shoulder, a back massage, or a kiss. Since these all involve prolonged contact and are a great bit more intimate, they serve to advance things.
"Implied" kino is good for getting you to a place where you can use some "overt" kino to advance. MY PROBLEM comes in using the "overt" kino. I think that its a holdover from my AFC days where I'm afraid that since its a clear indicator of interest, i'm afraid to be rejected.
Now, replies with "JUST DO IT DOOOD OMG" will not be very helpful. I'm fully aware that it comes down to me deciding "aw f uck it" and just going for it. The last few times i've been in a situation that called for action, I've either waited for OVERWHELMING proof on her part that it was called for, or just blown it completely.
I'm trying to work this out on my own as well. I try to tell myself that, for example, if a girl begs you to put on a movie that you both love, then proceeds to sit as close to you as possible (on a rather large couch), and demonstrates excessively open body language...it's probably safe to assume she wants you to make a move on her ASAP.
I know this but i find it hard to act appropriately. I feel like deep down i'm not sure what to do. I find it awkward to just throw my arm around her with no "reason" or context. I found that what helped me, as sort of a crutch, is in a situation like the above, when she shifts around her weight on the couch, to sort of gesture towards myself and say, "hey. c'mere". I dont like having to wait for the "right moment", but i'll take it for now.
I hope this is all coherent. This has been bothering me for months now, and I feel that it's really holding me back a LOT. There are other areas I need to work on as well, but I'm promising myself that this will no longer be an issue in my life.
If anyone has advice, comments, questions, or has had a similar experience, post. The more I can talk about it with people, the more i feel like I can get it figured out.
