Sad situation with ex

[bud_2005]

My exgirlfriend and I started dating when she was 18 and I was 20. I was her first boyfriend and we both took each others virginity. Our first year went really great. Not long after that I went through depression and started feeling unsure about our relationship. I was hospitalized for depression and got on some antidepressants and things then became better between us. Our two year anniversary was in August and once again I was feeling some unsure feelings again. She broke up with me about 3 weeks later.

I felt like I made mistake and started pursuing her again. Even after we broke up we still had sex and slept together every once in awhile. She was sending me lots of mixed signals though. A couple weeks ago she took me out to dinner as my Christmas present and that night I gave her a promise ring because I was tired of stressing about her and i needed to know.

I found out this week she is dating someone else. This saddens me very much. Like seriously I am trying to validate reasons to not kill myself. I want her back so bad. I feel like I lost my best friend. I feel hatred for this girl right now. She has told me she needs time and time will tell if we were meant for each other.

Any uplifting comments or advice? I up not a very clean person right now. I have gained about 60 lbs since my depression. I need to clean up first I know. I would do anything to get her back. But I don't know what to do.

 

[scottfall]

Really sorry to hear your going through a rough time. If you are willing to do anything to get her back you need to regain control of your life. IMO that is a big point of attraction for most woman.

 

[foomee]

First of all you need to get rid of this depression. It's making you unhealthy both physically and mentally. Go out and do something fun to get your mind off of things. Hang out with your guy friends or even just other female friends. Remember you're very young, only 22, and you still have plenty of time left. She was your first but she shouldn't be your last.

 

[KontrollerX]

"She has told me she needs time and time will tell if we were meant for each other."

Its over the minute any chick says something like that.

Even if the opportunity arises where you can get her back with you, you shouldn't do it.

As a chick who will not stay with you at your lowest doesn't deserve to be with you at your highest.

And besides do you really want to live your whole life with some chick who you know will abandon you when the chips are down?

Imagine you turn 60 and you get heart disease or cancer or some other nasty illness and she decides to leave you because she can't be bothered with your sickness and staying by your side through it. Is that what you want? I seriously doubt it so please try and cut your emotions off surrounding this chick now and never press the rewind button on that.

She's not worth it dude and just serves to make your depression worse to think about.

"Any uplifting comments or advice?"

Normally the cliche'd advice of "the best revenge is living well" comes off as placating bullsh!t but in your case I think it really has merit.

Get yourself well through counseling, meds, hanging out with friends, exercise and weight loss and whatever you can do and then go get a decent girl for yourself and if its possible flaunt your new better looking and just all around better girlfriend and your own great new body in front of your old b!tch.

Infact you could even use this image as your motivation for fighting off the depression as well getting back in shape.

 

[Dice52987]

Dude, Kontroller is absolutely 100% correct. lol That's just what I needed to hear as well. But the best advice I can give you is to work on yourself. Get your life back, and take up a hobby to keep you busy. Before you know it, you'll be over her and you'll get a better chick. Trust me.

 

[bud_2005]

Thanks for the replies. I don't believe she left me because I'm at my worst. I've hurt her alot, mostly because I though my **** too often. I'm guilty of not treating her real well.

Have any of you got back together with an ex-gf when it looked like it would never happen? She is starting to text me now but I'm just ignoring her. She's stupid to think things are fine and dandy between us.

 

[Pakwah]

She's stupid to think things are fine and dandy between us.

??
Of course, the only thing that is good between the two of you is her.

Yeah it hurts, but again, its human nature - example - we leave a pair of shoes or a shirt in the closet - sits there forever - we never wear them - we never look at them - we know its there - until someone throws it out - then its - aww crap

Start fresh - dont let her know what you are doing, or at least everything, dont come on too strong cuz she will pick that up and squash you right away.
Dont expect anything right away - its a marathon not a sprint

Do things for yourself. Look and feel interesting. Carry yourself with confidence.

 

[Bible_Belt]

A couple weeks ago she took me out to dinner as my Christmas present and that night I gave her a promise ring because I was tired of stressing about her and i needed to know.

I found out this week she is dating someone else.

She took you out because she felt guilty about doing that other guy.

You remind me of myself while getting divorced. Every guy here who has been with any girl has also been through bad breakups. I thought my high school girlfriend was my "soulmate," and it tore me up when we broke up. Later in life, after I married a college girlfriend, I thought we were supposed to stay together just because we were married.

I came to find out that I was just naive, and all of this is part of growing up. Relationships end. Women will leave your life, but the good news is that they will be replaced by other women. Until you have been through this a few times, it is hard to see that. You will also eventually learn that there is no such thing as a soulmate, and there are literally thousands of girls out who will all make you equally happy.

Women really are like fish in the sea. After you have caught a lot, they are hard to tell apart. No one fisherman who loses a catch will ever obsess about catching that particular fish again - another one like it will do just fine. Another girl out there will make you just as happy. Everyone is replaceable, and learning that lesson is part of growing up.

 

[WC2]

Thanks for the replies. I don't believe she left me because I'm at my worst. I've hurt her alot, mostly because I though my **** too often. I'm guilty of not treating her real well.

Have any of you got back together with an ex-gf when it looked like it would never happen? She is starting to text me now but I'm just ignoring her. She's stupid to think things are fine and dandy between us.

Yes. I have. Not so long ago actually.

I dated my ex for 2 years and she ended up calling it a break while she was away on vacation.

I obviously knew what was up, and nexted her for what I thought was forever.

Didn't talk to her for a few months until college got going again, and then we just started seeing eachother more often.

I had already gone through getting over the girl, so at the time I was high as a kite. Banging chicks left and right, going out with my friends just like I had before I dated her.

THIS is where I made my mistake.

I wanted my to have my cake and eat it too.
Not only did I want other women, but I wanted to hate f*ck her and just use her as a f*ckbuddy.

Doesn't work. Unless you don't care for human life.

Eventually she sucked me back in and that's when I reevaluated my life. I decided to play it by ear and talk to other women, but still keep her on the backburner.

Worst decision ever.

She ended up banging my friends, I ended up banging her friends. It turned in to one of the most unhealthy relationships I've ever seen. We'd literally get back at eachother by seducing our own friends.

Eventually it came to a head when we both started seeing someone new..

Bottom line - HUGE waste of time going back to the ex. Not only did I burn bridges with others, but we both hurt eachother more than ever in the process.

Cutting off the EX is the best thing you can do for your life.

It's tough for awhile, but trust me buddy there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Don't just cut contact because people tell you to. ASK people WHY you should cut contact and they will give you a story just like mine. And oh yeah, i have others like that one. Feel free to ask.

 

[WC2]

To add more about recouping from a breakup -

In order to regain your swagger, you can't rely on anyone except for yourself.

Friends can get a temporary bandaid to help get your thoughts off things, however the only true medicine to heal the wound is your self redemption and improvement.

It is vital that you start focusing on your passions and finding the things in life you're exceptional at.

Right now you probably feel like a sad sap who couldn't do as little as kiss another woman, however you know deep down you were once more than this and have the potential to get back to that point, if not higher.

There should be no regrets coming out of this relationship; you've learned WORLDS more than you would have if this had been an exceptional relationship.

Take any mistakes from this breakup and apply them to your future partners.

Ever notice that men who have been in plenty of relationships somehow know women much better than those who have not been?

This is why. They have been through the bs and know how to shoot it down when it shows up.

In the process you may come to the realization that you can't trust any woman, but this is not necessarily always true. Women can be trustworthy, as long as they are given boundaries and as long as they are kept at a high interest level. However, trust me, you will rethink the whole concept of love. You may come to the conclusion that true love doesn't really exist, and that you must love women for their features and their flaws; not their honor. And this holds true.

This doesn't mean we can't love women, it just means that we can't expect them to be there as our soulmates as our male friends may be.

Life is a selfish game and it's our job to learn how to play it accordingly. We learn to spot selfishness early on so we aren't dealing with this kind of thing later on.

Once you have come to peace with your thoughts and have begun feeling better about your aspirations and your abilities, then it's a good time to start seeing other women.

It may seem like worlds away, but millions upon millions of men have been through this and come out of the other side stronger than ever, including myself and some of the above responders.

Concentrate on yourself from now. Talk to friends, but don't rely on them to bring you back to where you were; this must be done by you. You must be willing to gain self value by relying only on yourself. Once you can rely on yourself, you won't even need a woman to set your thoughts straight.

 

[TheNastyAfrican]

Last time I went through a breakup I did two things: First, I cut off my ex completely, no contact, it's best if this is permanent. Second, I filled my life with other things, my passion for playing piano, other friends, school, basketball...eventually I began to think of her less to the point where I almost forgot about her.

Like WC2 said, make this time about YOU.