Rules for Long Distance Relationships

[drmeathead]

Hey fellas,

I am sorry if I posted and this is topic fresh on everyone's mind. If it is please just provide me the link as my search came back way too broad. Also I want to post here as I feel that older guys are more likely to be in LDR as jobs and education can put distance between two people.



I have never done the LDR. So what are some good guidelines? Whom calls whom? Ratio of visits? How often? Does talking on the phone, IM, or email lessen your challenge element even though it isnt practical to meet for coffee or something of the sort. I think it would be interesting to hear from guys who have tried out LDR and were successful and those that were not and those that werent but have precontrived notions about what an LDR is. So please post your experience along with your advice.


Thanks

 

[TooColdUlrick]

rule: don't do it!

 

[WaterTiger]

I agree with Ulrick.

LDR never become LTR. They just don't work. I don't care how many people tell you the sappy story of how their pal had an LTR by LDR and how he's all happy and crap. For the rest of us REAL mortals...it doesn't work.

There lack of physical contact is adversely effected by the emotional state. One of you will eventually cheat or break up just to relieve the pressure. LDR...don't bother.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

There's no such thing as an LDR. There is such a thing as a LDBC though - Long Distance Booty Call.

Stop kidding yourself and look for better prospects.

 

[FratAndDiddy]

i wont say a LDR will not work, but to be realistic i doubt it will work. sooner or later someone will lose interest.
sit down and think about the situation. add up the pros and cons. i bet you will have more cons than pros.

 

[Ricky]

My recent relationship was an LDR. It started that way and ended that way. She made a lot of effort and is a great girl, but in the end she dumped me.

She said she she would move up to my new town a few months ago but changed her mind. I think she was scared. She has visited me in a couple of towns.

I still love her. But I'll have to move on, unless I live in her town one day which is a possibility for my career.

We will keep in touch (I have solid career reasons to do so) but it pretty much sucks.

I didn't plan on getting into an LDR with this one. It just turned out that she was a fantastic woman or so I thought (much better than the girl I was dating at the time).

If you are in one ride it out. I love meeting girls when I'm in another town, so by default I'll probably get in one again. At the very least you can have some good sex before it ends!

 

[drmeathead]

We jsut had our first fight. She was supposed to come out for Memorial Day weekend. Her parents are throwing her a graduation party and her whole family is coming. She told me she would def be out but that was before the party. I told her she shouldnt make plans and then cancel them. She said she didnt.
I said she did and started to pull out details of the conversation. She got mad and put up an away message (this was simple fun IM conversation that just went to complete hell out of nowhere)

I was offended that she would talk about things. So I told her that peacing me out like that was disrespectful. I got nothing from her for a few minutes so I asked if she still talking to me (sarcastically). Then she let me have it. She got to about third of all and I just said ok I dont want to argue with you. Can we talk about this on the phone. She said she wasnt in the mood to talk on the phone.

I responded to that by telling her she should call me tonight or, in not so many words, go to hell and we were done. Well after about 10 minutes I called her cause I was mad but wanted to resolve this ( I am big believer in dont go to bed angry). I told her that when two people care about each other they shouldnt go to bed angry. I told this to her voicemail.

I figured that was a weak play but it was a shot I had to take. I called my sister then to confirm that I was an ******* and that I probably just runied a good thing over nothing. (as I was already pissed that my ipod got erased and the 400 dollars worth of stuff on it was gone. Apple doenst replace the music either as I found out after 40 minutes of being on hold.)

Anyway she sent me a text apologizing about 20 minutes after I called. She said we would talk the next and told me good night and sweet dreams. I sent her a text back too saying I was sorry and that I would call her after baseball.

The next day I got two IMs from her jsut saying hi and whatnot and that she would and that for me to call. I waited her out and she call me and all I said about the arguement was that I wasnt getting into who was right or wrong I was jsut glad we were still talking. She said she was too. Then we talked like nothing happened. She then asked for my address and told me she would send a postcard from Cancun (where she is were girls this week) and was going to buy a phone card to call me.

Thoughts, criticisms



ps I am going out tonight so dont tihnk I am sitting by the phone all night. I admitt I would like to talk to her but I am going ot see whats up with the local summer scene here at school.

 

[FratAndDiddy]

bro, i think youre getting too serious too quickly.

 

[drmeathead]

I like her alot and think I would be happy with her. I do tend to decide whether I like a girl rather quickly but I am like that with all people I meet. I can tell whether I am going to get along with them after talking with them for about 10 minutes.

I am taking out this girl I met Friday sometime this week. (her bf is going to boston and we are getting together for a drink) I also have two other options and maybe a third to fall back. I do like this girl but I am not going to wait around for her

This girl whom I argued with is just my first choice. We clicked. She mentioned it to me several times. She just needs to figure out that I am the best thing that ever happened to her. Once she does that than she and I can move on as a we, hopefully.

I am thinking of sending her flowers as she graduating college in the next few days. What do you think about that move? Should I be doing that even though I am seeing other people? Is it shady on my part to be seeing other people? I dont think as she and I arent together officially yet

 

[cohen]

Originally posted by TooColdUlrick
rule: don't do it!

AGREED.

 

[Ricky]

Dont send flowers. It sucks but it comes off as AFC. A simple word of congrats would be better.

I guess it just boils down to the old supplication thing.