Rock and a hard place

[ZTIME]

Ok, not a terrible problem, but I kind of need a little advice with this situation.

Went to a party last Saturday night and met up with an HB8. Had a great time...ended up going getting home the next day. No big deal, got the job done. I know the chick is into me, and that's a cool place to be right now. No oneitis, she's a cool chick, syx is good and I want to hang out with her a bit more.

This coming Saturday I have another party to go to with a group of friends. I have a date for this party, a plate who I hang with quite often. My problem is that new girl will be at the same party. This situation won't bode well. New girl is cool, my date is cool also. Any advice on how to manage this situation and still come out on top (with both chicks still interested of course)?

 

[ZTIME]

I guess my plan should be to just go with the date and roll the dice. I never have really implied any type of commitment to either one. for me it just takes going through a lot of dates to even qualify a chick as a plate or FWB.

There are just so many nut jobs out there that are loaded with drama that it's hard to maintain a good inside circle of women to actually have fun with.
New chick from last Saturday has already texted asking what I'm doing this weekend. Told her I have a previous engagement and told her I was free next Friday.

The big problem is that a friend of mine has already verified that she'll be @ the same party. Guess she'll figure out what "previous engagement" means.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

I never have really implied any type of commitment to either one.

And you've just provided the answer to your own problem. If they have an issue with it, then it's their problem.

There are just so many nut jobs out there that are loaded with drama that it's hard to maintain a good inside circle of women to actually have fun with.

They want to engage in drama? You're the DJ, are you or are you not? Do you or do you not tolerate drama?

 

[ZTIME]

And you've just provided the answer to your own problem. If they have an issue with it, then it's their problem.



They want to engage in drama? You're the DJ, are you or are you not? Do you or do you not tolerate drama?

Thanks, and totally agree. I'm not big on drama and have no problem walking away from either of these women.

Keep in mind that I've really only been out on the dating scene for about 4 months now, and these 2 are truly the only 2 out of lets say 20 who were actually worth my time. If I'm pulling roughly a 10% quality to 90% trash, it means I need to go on 10 dates to replace 1.

That being said, I was just wondering if anyone had any suggestions on how to handle the situation and avoid any drama. If not... I've got a few days and can just wing it. I thought about not showing up, but that won't work with this social circle. I'm already committed and I never break my word. Heck, who knows?? It'll be awkward, but it sure will make an interesting evening.

 

[hithard]

Yeah it can be a tough play. You can puss it and use the "I'm not feeling well enough to go". But thats letting the situation stopping yyou from doing what you want.
Take plate, enjoy party and when the plate is off talking to someone else set up a date for next weekend with HB8. This can be a roll of the dice if done wrong and can blow up in your face. This is where having a wingman running interference makes it a lot easier.
Some of the dangers are:
being viewed as a player.
Plate coming over while you are with HB8.
Screwing it up with both of them.

Give HB8 enough to be interested even if she is pissy. If you don't get her locked down enough she will flake before the date. You need to come off as genuine and build that connection in a limited amount of time.
HB8 might be a little cold at first but push through. You need to be very careful about what you say about who plate is. If you say plate is just a friend HB8 might think its ok to hang around the both of you blowing up your spot. If you're too dismissive of plate you get labelled a 'player'. This is where you need a solid line of answers or diverting techniques.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Yeah it could go a bunch of different ways. I think it possible one of them could get pissy and throw a fit, maybe you lose that one, but I think it's unlikely you lose them both.

Either way I'm checking back in on Monday and there better be an update Ztime.

 

[ZTIME]

Hithard, I'm definitely going to go! I know it could get a little weird, but it'll help me to knock some of the rust off my game. Living in the Beta world for a little while has left me a little exposed.

My ACE is the plate! She has really been into me for quite some time and I always introduce her as my friend not anything else. She follows me around like a puppy dog (which may or may not suck in this situation), and everyone knows she's totally about everything I'm doing. I might be fine given that she knows I'm very outgoing and she'll be in my social group. I'm actually scheduled to go away with her for 4 days later this month (condo up the coast).

The HB8 seemed very cool and has taken all of the initiative to contact me. I've done nothing to put myself into a weird situation other then committing to a party that I had no idea HB* was going to.

Saul, I'll make sure I leave some details on Monday about the outcome. You guys have been here a bit longer then I have, but I'm here to learn and teach where I can. I'm just a padawan in a world of Jedis!

 

[Bokanovsky]

Why not just skip going to the party? Tell your date that you are sick.

 

[hithard]

Why not just skip going to the party? Tell your date that you are sick.

You gotta push yourself to be comfortable in these situations. Your attitude and game goes leaps and bounds when you go all out. Yeah the safe bet is to puss out, but fcuk that go for glory

 

[ZTIME]

Why not just skip going to the party? Tell your date that you are sick.

The date doesn't matter. I committed to the social circle. I chose to bring the date, which by the way is amazing in her own way ( looks, personality, and common interests), yet there is something missing. This social circle keeps trying to push me into some sort of serious relationship with her! I'm not so sure that it's where I want to be.

I must refuse to effect my personal life in order to maintain some sort of oneitis with a woman. I'm better at being me when I can control myself and my own
life.

 

[ZTIME]

You gotta push yourself to be comfortable in these situations. Your attitude and game goes leaps and bounds when you go all out. Yeah the safe bet is to puss out, but fcuk that go for glory

Totally agree!

 

[Slickster]

Definitely go to the party! As a DJ this is EXACTLY the situation you WANT to be in. Women chasing you in front of a group of people.

Make no excuses to either of them. Be open and honest if there is any drama. If it comes up tell HB8 the other girl is a friend who is interested in you but nothing serious is going on.

Neither of them is a "girlfriend". You are a single guy and you are having fun meeting new people. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If either of them gets jealous then that is their problem.

There most definitely will be some awkward moments but you have to stand there like a rock and deal with it. Act as if it is entirely normal for you to be at a place where multiple women are vying to get with you.

I've been in this situation many times and when it comes to a head what usually happens is one girl gets visibly upset and makes a scene and/or leaves. The other one sees that and tries to play extra cool about it. Your goal is to not be phased by any of it. Don't feel the need to explain yourself. Whatever you do don't go running after the girl who is upset and try to smooth things over. Let her go off and deal with her emotions. It doesn't mean anything and her feelings towards you will only become stronger. When you do talk to her again act as though nothing has changed. When she confronts you about the other girl explain that you are a single guy and having fun meeting lots of people. You aren't serious with anyone but you ARE interested in HER. When it comes time repeat the exact same conversation with the other girl. This is how you keep both on the line.

Most importantly make sure you have FUN at the party. This is a grand opportunity for social proof. Demonstrate how fun you are to be around and your interactions with everyone else will do wonders for each girl's attraction. They will be watching you from afar. Don't give either girl too much attention. In fact it serves you well to chat up other chicks at the party. If it gets out that both girls are interested in you don't be surprised if a few others start chatting you up and show signs of interest too.

When it rains it pours.

 

[Tenacity]

ZTIME,

Do you have to go to the party? Women are jealous as hell, it's why it's hard for me to "sarge" in person because after I get done talking to one girl (and getting her number), then I'm over somewhere talking to another girl. If the previous girl sees this sometimes they will walk right up to me and tell me to lose their number lol.

I usually try to avoid having plates meet each other or having one plate see me with another plate. All of this online "be a DJ" talk is great, but in THE REAL WORLD it just doesn't fly most of the time. The other chick is likely to be jealous as hell and you would lose her as a plate. Yes, you can just replace the plate, but damn if she's a good plate why lose her over something that can be avoided?

Also I'm glad you are seeing how piss poor the quality of women are out here. I have been saying the market is piss poor for over a year on this forum now and a lot of guys get up here disagreeing with me, with their "think positive" and "not all women are like that" mantra.

The market is piss poor, period.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

All of this online "be a DJ" talk is great, but in THE REAL WORLD it just doesn't fly most of the time. The other chick is likely to be jealous as hell and you would lose her as a plate.

You make a fair point, but let's try this a bit differently. Suppose the situation were reversed, you know, Ztime called up plate, plate said she already had plans, they said cool let's do it another time. Lo and behold plate shows up at same party with some other dude. Ztime chats her up and plate says "oh we're just friends, it's not serious" or some other bull$hit. Women do this $hit all the f*cking time.

 

[Slickster]

All of this online "be a DJ" talk is great, but in THE REAL WORLD it just doesn't fly most of the time. The other chick is likely to be jealous as hell and you would lose her as a plate. Yes, you can just replace the plate, but damn if she's a good plate why lose her over something that can be avoided?

Also I'm glad you are seeing how piss poor the quality of women are out here. I have been saying the market is piss poor for over a year on this forum now and a lot of guys get up here disagreeing with me, with their "think positive" and "not all women are like that" mantra.

The market is piss poor, period.

Weak

 

[ZTIME]

ZTIME,

Do you have to go to the party? Women are jealous as hell, it's why it's hard for me to "sarge" in person because after I get done talking to one girl (and getting her number), then I'm over somewhere talking to another girl. If the previous girl sees this sometimes they will walk right up to me and tell me to lose their number lol.

I usually try to avoid having plates meet each other or having one plate see me with another plate. All of this online "be a DJ" talk is great, but in THE REAL WORLD it just doesn't fly most of the time. The other chick is likely to be jealous as hell and you would lose her as a plate. Yes, you can just replace the plate, but damn if she's a good plate why lose her over something that can be avoided?

Also I'm glad you are seeing how piss poor the quality of women are out here. I have been saying the market is piss poor for over a year on this forum now and a lot of guys get up here disagreeing with me, with their "think positive" and "not all women are like that" mantra.

The market is piss poor, period.

Thanks Tenacity!

I really do need to attend the party and want to. It's for a very good friend whom I've known for over 20 years. It's kind of a high end party in an upscale location (specific dress code, live entertainment, quality social circle, etc.), which is why I'm bringing the "trophy plate" (kind of like busting out the fine china when guests are coming). Seriously, if I wanted to be in an "exclusive" relationship I would strongly consider this one, it's a shame I'm not in that place right now.

I'll try to play it very cool when there. I'm not so worried about the plate flying off the handle, although it could happen (she's been very aggressive about hanging out lately, and texts a lot). The "wild card" is the HB8. She didn't seem like someone who would freak out, but heck, I only really hung out with her for one night of drinking and svx. A few text messages from her this week with limited responses from me. So I can't even really call her a plate, but I'd like to, as we hit it off very well and she meets most of my standards. I will post what happens and the outcome.

You're also right about all of the DJ talk. I don't think at my age that it's all to relevant. My SMV is quite high, so that seems to help me. The positive thinking however is a must. I'll bring it up in another thread someday.

Lastly, you are dead on about the "piss poor" quality of women out on the market today. However, as it pertains to my limited time on the market; I still believe that there are some quality women out there. HB8 is genuinely decent material............. Boned her on the first night of meeting her, but we'll let that one slide (drinks, conversation, and an empty bed add up to crazy things). The plate is very high quality and very good looking (arm candy), she'll make someone happy someday probably just not me. What's funny is that I've found nothing wrong with the plate and I'm trying to. So maybe "not all women are like that"..... Perhaps another disappointed thread sometime down the road.


Saul,

I agree. I've actually seen the same thing happen to a few of my friends and it doesn't make them feel good at all, but women feel like they run on a completely different set of rules.

 

[Tenacity]

You make a fair point, but let's try this a bit differently. Suppose the situation were reversed, you know, Ztime called up plate, plate said she already had plans, they said cool let's do it another time. Lo and behold plate shows up at same party with some other dude. Ztime chats her up and plate says "oh we're just friends, it's not serious" or some other bull$hit. Women do this $hit all the f*cking time.

Lol, I know they do it all the time, but like I said in my other thread about this current Market...it's a Woman's Market. What a woman can do and get away with, a guy isn't going to be able to get away with.

I know that's not what people want to hear, the mantra is that if you just "think" a certain way then you can change your circumstances, and while there is SOME truth in that, it's not hardly enough to address this new marketplace.

Like I said, women do this shyt to me all the time, even after I just do something very basic as just GET her number. I will get her number and later on she sees me chatting up another chick, and gets drop dead pissed off about it. OR, if she even suspects that I might be a "Player", the she starts getting ticked off.

On the flipside, if a dude were to trip at things like this then society would call him weak, too clingy, and tell him to "Man up".

The DJ mentality and attitude is fine, but you guys have to understand that executing it in REAL LIFE isn't as simple as you make it seem. Again, I've been IN this dating market consistently for well over 6 years and engaging so many different women during this time, makes me sour on the majority of the market. It's not to say you can't stumble upon a DECENT woman every now and then, I have actually, it's just that you have a 95/5 ratio in terms of decent in my opinion. 95% of the market is crap and 5% is somewhat Decent to where you might be able to work something out for the long term.

 

[hithard]

Lol, I know they do it all the time, but like I said in my other thread about this current Market...it's a Woman's Market. What a woman can do and get away with, a guy isn't going to be able to get away with.

I know that's not what people want to hear, the mantra is that if you just "think" a certain way then you can change your circumstances, and while there is SOME truth in that, it's not hardly enough to address this new marketplace.

Like I said, women do this shyt to me all the time, even after I just do something very basic as just GET her number. I will get her number and later on she sees me chatting up another chick, and gets drop dead pissed off about it. OR, if she even suspects that I might be a "Player", the she starts getting ticked off.

On the flipside, if a dude were to trip at things like this then society would call him weak, too clingy, and tell him to "Man up".

The DJ mentality and attitude is fine, but you guys have to understand that executing it in REAL LIFE isn't as simple as you make it seem. Again, I've been IN this dating market consistently for well over 6 years and engaging so many different women during this time, makes me sour on the majority of the market. It's not to say you can't stumble upon a DECENT woman every now and then, I have actually, it's just that you have a 95/5 ratio in terms of decent in my opinion. 95% of the market is crap and 5% is somewhat Decent to where you might be able to work something out for the long term.

Ten all I can say is what a load of weak bull$hit
For starters its not a womens market anymore than a mans. There has never been an easier time for guys to get laid. The market is bad for ltr maybe, but it was never that great. All girls do is complain to me that every guy plays them.

Your post is basically a diss to the rest of us. You think you are the only one out there or what?
Your $hitty experience isn't everyone's reality.
All you want to do is biatch about women. The difference between ztimes progress and yours is night and day.

 

[Tenacity]

Ten all I can say is what a load of weak bull$hit
For starters its not a womens market anymore than a mans. There has never been an easier time for guys to get laid. The market is bad for ltr maybe, but it was never that great. All girls do is complain to me that every guy plays them.

Your post is basically a diss to the rest of us. You think you are the only one out there or what?
Your $hitty experience isn't everyone's reality.
All you want to do is biatch about women. The difference between ztimes progress and yours is night and day.

I respect your opinion, however, I think you are a little off base here.

1.) You agree that the market is bad for an LTR, as in, a quality relationship. That's exactly what I'm referring to when I say the market is bad. I am NOT referring to the ease of getting laid. When I say low quality, I'm talking in terms of relationship quality and what a man is going to get OUT of a woman in today's market give or take.

2.) When you refer to my "progress," I have never came on here and said I had an issue getting women, I have personal problems coming from a broken family as well as other issues occurring that are culturally based not dating based.

3.) As I have stated in another thread that you guys haven't properly refuted yet, we are in the middle of a totally gynocentric/feminist based society. You can't even criticize women publicly without a group of guys (and girls) threatening to kick your a.ss, however, you can say men aren't "shyt" all day. The laws are in the favor of women, the media is in their favor, society is in their favor, the political system caters to women, etc., etc.

This is a Woman's Market, you guys might not like that but it is what it is. It doesn't mean you have to be less masculine or that you have to be a woman's B___, I'm just pointing out the big picture here.

But I don't want to distract from ZTIME's thread here, let's focus back on his question.

 

[ZTIME]

Tenacity and Hithard please interrupt my thread as much as you want. The two of you helped me in a great time of need, and I won't forget it.

I've taken everything that people posted to my original thread and have learned, and I truly am blessed for it.

I will say that out of everyone here, I understand Tenacity the most. I'm not black but I understand coming from a horrible upbringing and fighting to be the best.....and he has excelled in that in spades!

Quite frankly, he knows more about me then anyone here, I consider him a friend. In my time of need, I needed someone to ground me on my thoughts of women. I needed his type of philosophy. I'm better now for what he gave then.

The thing that Tenacity has yet to learn, and hopefully I can give back to him is the beauty of life and people both male and female. Life can be amazing! It's not based on your past experience, it's based on how you react. Tenacity has a beautiful business mind, trust me I know, but he fears the emotional side of relationships with everyone. I've been there. Yet in business and life you have to be able to conquer both sides of the game.

We'll all get there and be blessed to find a forum where we can experience other peoples perspectives, they're not wrong, just different then our normally canned answers.

I owe you both a great amount of respect and a thank you. My journey to completing who I need to be started several months ago from you.

This Saturday will test that, but I'm sure I'll do well....... What else is there?