Right Forum?

[Vordermark]

I joined this forum for tips about improving myself, my body and my mind. And to overcome Approach Anxiety. Obviously I place woman I don't know on a pedestal (hence AA), but no one I've met remains there for long. This just makes meeting new people hard, and I'm working on this by meeting as many people as possible (men, & women).

I think the post by Interceptor in this thread [here] is the ideal advice for me from this site. It's a recent post but it really speaks to what I'm going through. To know that I can change is the best motivation to work hard even, though at times it can be tough.

I love being single, but I don't love going around fvcking random girls. This forum seems really devoted to guys who want to go around and sleep with as much woman as possible. Are there other guys out there that just want to improve themselves not to get woman but just because you want to push yourself as close as you can to perfection?

It seems that some guys come on here with the sole intent of being jerks, learning how to be a man then going out and hurting as many woman as possible. I think of myself first and foremost, but I don't actively go around trying to hurt people. I've been very honest with anyone I've just had an interest in sleeping around with. Maybe I've been hearing the wrong things, but lying about your intentions for sex doesn't strike me as the sort of actions a man does.

I thought a Don Juan wasn't a jerk at all, but someone that just generally loves life and woman happen to find that incredibly attractive. And why not? In a world where most people are living the same day over and over again, a man appears who is living each day like it could be his last.

My life doesn't revolve around my lust for woman, but rather my vest for life. From my demanding and interesting major, to my athletic pursuits and yes my nerdy hobbies.

Which leads me to my last point, attractiveness, why is this so important? I'm very picky when it comes to woman and physical looks aren't that important to me. A great sense of humour, good self confidence, ambition, and having a shared interest are all more important to me than good looks. With that being said, I understand that for a one night stand none of that matters.

 

[everywomanshero]

There are a lot of people striving for superiority. Some people think that if they could just obtain mad skills with women, life would be awesome. They don't see that one cannot ever find lasting happiness from external sources.
It's always an addiction (need more & more), always builds tolerance (need more & more challenging PUs to feel successful/validated), etc.

OTOH, it's much better to be a guy who is successfully being validated than one who is being frustrated without release!

The same can be true of a need to be perfect in sports, business, etc. Unless a man can accept his value is not dependent on success or failure, reward or punishment, then the need to be 'superior' to others in some way will always leave one insecure and needy. We all have a place in society, and IMO 90% of what humans do to try feeling secure ends up getting in the way of their success.

 

[Technical1]

It seems that some guys come on here with the sole intent of being jerks, learning how to be a man then going out and hurting as many woman as possible. I think of myself first and foremost, but I don't actively go around trying to hurt people.

There is ample space for you to be here whatever your frame of mind and/or goals are. No one needs to 'ask permission' from the other members if they can be here, and I suspect if you were just wondering about philosophies and other forums you could have shopped around, rather than post a thread. I take it that in posting this you wanted to bring up a deeper philosophical issue that you see, basically your philosophy vs. DJ philosophy. (again, IF there is a DJ philosophy...)

My answers are this:

1. There are alot of forums that are more specific on other aspects of self-improvement (weight lifting, meditation, self esteem). This forum has the ever-present goal of f-closing women. The fact that you have problems with this is indicative of the deeper philosophical question which I address now.

2. You are still carrying the AFC conception of All-or-nothing with the woman game. In your mind, one is either a MaD PLaYa, who sleeps with tons of girls, or an AFC trying to forge LTRs with girls from work. Banish this idea from your mind. There are a hundred shades of DJ from the almost AFC, who LTRs with every girl he boinks, to the guys who pull 3 times a week and 'have no soul' in our old AFC the-sun-revolves-around-the-earth way of thinking. You can choose, or rather find, your place on this spectrum without being on the extremes.

Personally, I imagine you are a guy who wants pvssy but has some class, some traditional upbringing, is pretty smart, and is afraid of entering the netherworld of 'hors and playas'. I've found this is all nonsense and that people are people, even though some are more degraded than others. You choose the dosage with this stuff. You set the rules at every step of the way.

3. Hurting people. Why does it hurt a woman when she has sex with a man who she finds attractive and wants to conquer? It hurts because she cant have it anymore. It hurts because it was so good, and now its over.
Thats why it hurts. Kind of like the pain you would feel if a guy started giving you a 50,000 dollar allowance every day, and you went on shopping sprees with it and invested it, and one day he stopped giving it to you. It hurts only when it ends, because it is so awesome for them to experience in the first place. Would it have been better if he had never given you the 50,000 allowance in the first place? Bullshyt.

Plus, girls learn from being used, and another thing I dont think we should downplay.. the experience often has for them a kind of whistful, deeply deeply emotional quality, especially when they are young. My sister was in love with a jerk: yes he broke her heart, (so what?), but he also gave her six months of breathless anticipation and pleasure. Being totally honest, it is a completely fair trade off. When she went out with sheltered geeks, they never gave her the emotional highs that the jerk did. A little heartbreak is A-OK if you can get these kind of natural drugs flowing. Women get hurt because you STOPPED DOING IT.

4. Women are a hackable system. Despite their many differences and flavors, women all respond to things according to roughly similar patterns. (for ex., Why do you ALWAYS fall flat without Kino? - in my experience)

If you can do something to 8 out of 10 girls, you can probably do it to 80 out of 100. So dont be fooled by the "just let your life follow its course and do what you want", we ARE learning a skill here that is like building a radio from scratch. Build one radio and the next is easier. Build six and your very good. Once you get inside a radio (old transistor type, I mean), they are not that different on the inside. The same is true. You can basically approach women, kino them, touch them, excite them, and f them in roughly the same way, (the minor variations make up the breadth of a DJs knowledge).
So dont believe too much that you can just "do your own thing" and hitting it off with the odd girl will get you what you want in life. When you find "the right girl", you will know what to do, not merely because of all the Fatedness and Charisma shyt, but because you've literally done it 100 times before! /end rant.

 

[Interceptor]

I think it is worthwhile to try to gain a good understanding of the terms:

Emotional Investment and Emotional Detachment.

No man shoudl feel gulity for wanting to be with women. And no one can define the NUMBER of women a man can and should be with.

You are suffering from programming which is creating conflicts with your inner desire.

And this forum is not about 'hurting" people.

The fact that you made this statement means you have a LOT to learn.