Relocated – need some advice

[djzulu]

Hello fellow DJ’s.

I have just relocated from town A to town B – due to my job. I hardly know anybody here, and the office in which I work is really small; only 3 of us right now and the other two are married / dating.

I was doing very well in town A – my game was great – actually had 4 girls that I was seeing before I moved here, but now I have to start from scratch.

Tonight I went out by myself and managed to start a conversation with one of the girls in the bar. There are many hotties in this town and it seems that there is lots of potential. Overall, it was an ok night, I just need to find out where are the hottest spots in town.

My main goal is to try to make new friends so that I can go out with them and not by myself, but I have to figure out how to meet new people since I have never been in this situation before.

How do you make new friends in an unfamiliar town?

Your help is appreciated.

(I will try to keep this thread updated with my progress – hopefully it will help others.)

 

[disfunktional]

Hey mate,

I will soon be in a similar situation, so would be interested in hearing some feedback from the peeps on the forum too.

 

[djzulu]

It's been a while since I have relocated - and still no game. I haven't given up though - trying to make new friends and meet people as I go. I work most of the time so I have hardly any time to go out and socialize - but I have cleared up this week to do some socializing after work.

I will try to keep this post up to date - maybe that will throw me back into DJ mode.

Has anybody out there been in the same situation before? New place, new job, hardly any friends? Any advice is appreciated.

 

[BigDawg]

I'll be in this situation in a few months, too, so I'm interested in whatever feedback the community will give. But, Zulu, I think you made major gains in settling in your new location just by getting out there and meeting people.

But for some (hopefully useful) advice, this may be a good time to start a new hobby or pick up on one that you haven't had time to do in a long time. If the hobby brings you into contact with new people, you've just increased your chances of finding some quality women.

 

[djzulu]

BigDawg: Starting a hobby is a great idea, in fact I have some stuff that I am interested in - such as music. I have thought of starting to play with a band, but that's time consuming (trying to get people to show up for rehearsals, getting gigs etc.) and my work consumes my life as it is....but I am not giving up, will give it another try.

Thanks!

 

[Cruise]

Social Networking.

Strike up convos with EVERYBODY you meet, irregardless of sex. Get interested in people's lives, ask questions about them, their careers, their goals in life, etc. Let them know that you're a networker of sorts, you might have some connections who might make a good contribution to their success. This instills value on your behalf.
I've got buddies who are rappers and are trying to market themselves... they just don't know anybody. I have another buddy who manages a local magazine. Just 2 days ago, I connected both of them to each other, and now they're in the talks of working together for May's issue. And they never would've known each other had it not been for me getting out there and networking. Now both of them have some big parties coming up for their respective companies, and both want me to attend! And the thing is, I'm going to be too caught up doing other things, because I have other people I'm working with at that time!

Take care of people, and the people will take care of you.

And who knows, you get out there, I'm ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE you'll find a GREAT wingman, if you just avail yourself to the deeper possibilities that goes beyond just picking up women. Let that be a side benefit of you getting in touch with that new community you're entering.

Good luck!! (PREPARE for OPPORTUNITY!)

 

[djzulu]

Cruise - thanks for the info - I am trying as hard as I can to start up convos - but now I will try even harder.

I did meet some people - but I do think that people need their space, and I don't want to be the one calling everytime asking to go out. I agree that the more people I meet, the higher the odds of going out.

I also tried the craigslist thing (in their "strictly platonic" section)- considering going on Myspace, but I prefer to stay away from virtual interactions if possible. I know that the views in this forum are mixed (in regards to Myspace), some think it's a good thing, others prefer the real world - I prefer the real world. Had a profile on Myspace and took it down a couple of months ago...well that was in the old town I used to live in and I was doing very well over there so maybe I didn't really need it.

BigDawg - thanks for your suggestion - I am really working on reviving my hobby, through craigslist, and will try to go out to places where bands perform.

I was going through my posts last night - it seems like I was a different person just a couple of months back...surrounded with women, confident and happy. But I was in between jobs so I had all the time in the world to go out and party.

I have this theory - the more I stare at this computer screen, the less social I become. Since my work involves staring at this screen all day, I am probably becoming less and less social, so I really have to work hard on turning things around after work.

Here is my Xanga blog - just as a reminder of who I can become if I put my mind to it:

http://www.xanga.com/djzulu
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=90248

Basically, I have to revie the Zulu in me, go back to who I used to be.

I am going out to meet a new friend for lunch, will keep you all updated.

 

[Docs]

I'll be watching this thread, I'm moving too!

 

[MightyMate]

I think its easy. You meet woman and say that Ypu are new here and need advice. Its golden..

 

[Doctormad]

I think its easy. You meet woman and say that Ypu are new here and need advice. Its golden..

LOL, that is so simple it just HAS to work. Add another person to the 'about to move to a new city' group

BTW, is there anyone here that is from Calgary, Alberta?

 

[driver55]

Just moved

Hey guys,

I just moved and am not trying as hard as I could to meet more people, but I am trying. I have no real friends here, just some aquaintances. IT SUCKS...BAD. But I get out there on my own and am currently trying to refine myself and enjoy life alone. I do make attempts at talking to people everyday though. I am in a process of reinvention, and it is apt that I am now in a new location.

I can only repeat the advice that has been given...keep trying to talk to people, and meet them. That's all I have been doing. Even if it's just small talk, because you never know where it could go. Hobbies and such would help too. Infact, I am planning on taking some classes to meet people, I just have to square away some other buisiness.

I am not ashamed to go out alone. It has been helping me with my confidence. I wish you the best of luck man.

 

[Docs]

DoctorMad, I'm from TBay, sh!thole Central Canada. Moving to Kingston for six months though. Who's all interested?

 

[djzulu]

Driver55 - we're in the same boat - the only advice that I have is try harder…and never give up. This is a great opportunity for self-development; set new goals and meditate upon life in general.

Here is a summary of my day today:

I have decided to dedicate this week to getting acquainted with my new environment and hopefully getting back into the game. Things are not going smoothly yet – but I feel that slowly but surely the old Zulu is returning – and here are some signs warning of Zulu’s return:

- Girls are smiling at me when I smile at them
- I am starting to feel more confident around women
- I am getting certain ‘looks’ when I walk into a place

As you will see – I am focusing on the good stuff, cause overall I had no major success today.

I called a friend I met here and went to lunch. Little convo with the counter-girl @ starbucks...

Smiled at a girl walking down the street – she smiled back at me – she was definitely a hottie!

More smiles from two girls sitting at a coffee shop…

Later tonight I went to one of the local bars by myself – I was getting some looks from girls at the bar, but the place was packed and I couldn’t find a spot (sounds AFC, I know, but it was really too crowded).

I also contacted people online through craigslist - not doing Myspace yet – that’s my last resort.

To a real Zulu the above list would seem trivial, but for me these are the first steps. Always focus on the good stuff and keep reading the DJ Bible cause it helps get you into that frame of mind. Every time I encounter a dry spell - I read the DJ bible and unleash the DJ inside me. I am sure same goes for most of you too.

Too much work, internet and masturbation turn you into an unsocial, unitesticular AFC. My situation is not the greatest right now – I have relocated due to this opportunity which at the time I thought was greater than life – but now I am starting to question the whole thing. Instead of focusing on the negative stuff – I am trying to revive my true passions and enjoy life, and take advantage of new opportunities that exist in this town.

(And please don’t ask me what’s the meaning of ‘unitesticular’ – just felt like using that word)

 

[iqqi]

Probaly the most important factor in meeting new people is your outgoingness. If you are naturally an extrovert, you will have a very easy time meeting people.

Having said that, I am a complete introvert. So if these things work for me, they will work for you times a million if you are at all social.

GO OUT. All the time. Go to every and any event that interests you. Concerts, shows, bars and clubs even. Strike up "innocent" conversations with whoever. I say innocent, because if you are seen flirting or coming on to one person, you may have just ended any future convos with any other girl watching. Definately use the "I'm new here" line. That is an open invite that anyone interested will take, even guys (I don't mean gay guys, just anyone that thinks you are a cool cat to know).

If you meet and "hang out" with one person, make sure you get to know whoever you can through them. You may find the real pot of gold in terms of friendship this way.

Take every invite you get, providing it does not trigger any instinct warnings. If she seems crazy, she may be alot of fun, or she may be a complete wacko.

Try those, and see where it takes you.

 

[Cruise]

You're a complete success in progress.

That's a SURE SHOT, because you're taking action. Keep going, the treasures are just around the corner!

 

[djzulu]

iqqi – thanks for the advice, I am working on it – but going out a lot is tough when you have a full-time job. I have met some people here, but still going out on my own so it’s tougher to get convos going ( at least for me).

Cruise – thanks for your support! – if I find those treasures you’re referring to – believe me I will post them here in an instance.

Guys – it’s not as easy as I thought it would be…but I believe that I’m getting closer.

I was alone at the office today - sitting right here behind my desk and I decided to take a hike and get out for the day. I didn’t care about what my boss would think or anything else – all I wanted to do was get the hell out and socialize.

Had you told me 10 years ago that I would spend most of my life behind one of those screens I would have laughed so hard…but things change as you get older and you need to start supporting yourself. Anyhow, that’s another story.

Well, it didn’t go great but it didn’t go too bad either.

I started out by going to the mall. Walked around, talked to a girl at a counter and bought some stuff in one of the stores where I was assisted by a gorgeous girl. I’ve read it somewhere on this board before – the best place to start is at stores since people have to talk to you. That is actually what I was doing.

I then headed back towards my office, and decided to get out again – this time going to a restaurant close by. It was pretty empty but I sat on the bar (she was a hottie) and had a short convo with the bartender who got me my food. Smiled at the hostess – but again, there was no challenge since they get paid to be nice.

I later went for coffee where I started talking to the girl behind the counter. I overheard her talking about something and I just barged in. She was an UG – but who cares – just need to start talking. I also kept smiling at girls and got smiles. I get lots of looks from girls walking with their bf – they stare me in the eyes, and when I don’t look down and stare back and smile, they blush and look away. It’s as if they were ‘caught’ staring at me while being with their AFC bf.

The craigslist thing isn’t working out – so far - and I am contemplating if to go out tonight by myself and check out some bars. I won’t be able to drink since I will be driving myself home, but at least I can start some convos. Let’s see how tired I get – even though I did absolutely nothing today (I did a lot as far as this project goes, but nothing productive as far as work goes ), I am feeling a little tired from all this driving / walking around.

Does anybody out there think that I should go back on Myspace? That was a red line for me since I wanted to keep my personal life separated from my virtual live (which is also my working life), but would be glad to reconsider.

Let me know – thanks!

 

[LJC]

I move all of the time. Been doing it for almost 15 years now. Year or two here...year or two there... It's getting old and I'm slowing down, but I've learned a lot from the experiences.

1) Obviously, a lot of people are friends for the same reason. They like a lot of the same stuff. Guys, it just so happens, like girls. Meet more guys, and you're bound to find all of the good places to chase girls. Don't focus on your game. Don't try to find the hot spots as a loner. Worry about networking and friendships first, establish your new life, then go solo if that's your style.


2) The "new guy" tag doesn't always work. Yeah, I'm sure there are a few guys here that would swear to God it's solid, but I'm calling them lucky. I've been avoided for using it in certain places. My advice is that unless you are extremely attractive or have big tits, go straight for the goal of being fun to talk to first. Forget the little chit chat and make a splash. Buy some rounds, get some laughs going. But for God's sake don't be that, "Hi. My name is Tom. I'm from out of town and have no friends" guy.

3) Your job is not an excuse. Trust me. I've worked schedules for years that would even make a bad ass cry, and I still managed to make a few friends. ANY time out of the house is good enough, even if it's just every other Saturday of every other month and only when the moon is full. Anything works over nothing.

4) Don't pick up hobbies just to make friends. Seriously. If it's something you're not already doing or you can't see yourself doing alone, you're wasting time and money. You said you were a musician, right? How would you like some guy showing up at band practice who can't play for **** but wants to be in your band really really bad just because he wants chicks to notice him? Would it really matter how bad he wants to learn the songs you're playing? Do it because you love it, not because you're lonely. An ass load of people doing the same thing will respect you more for it.

There's more, I'm sure, but this post is already getting too long.

 

[djzulu]

1) Obviously, a lot of people are friends for the same reason. They like a lot of the same stuff. Guys, it just so happens, like girls. Meet more guys, and you're bound to find all of the good places to chase girls. Don't focus on your game. Don't try to find the hot spots as a loner. Worry about networking and friendships first, establish your new life, then go solo if that's your style.

LJC - thanks for your comments.

I realize that the main thing to do is to network - and believe me, I am doing my best. The question is - what else could I be doing to improve my chances of meeting people, other than hanging around in coffe shops bars etc? I have met some people and I know that with time I will meet more of their friends - I just don't want to be too pushy.

I agree with you in regards to the hobby thing - I wouldn't think of doing something I didn't like just to make friends. In fact, I love music - have been doing it most of my life - I just think that the current situation might 'push' me to start doing other things outside of work.

 

[LJC]

LJC - thanks for your comments.

I realize that the main thing to do is to network - and believe me, I am doing my best. The question is - what else could I be doing to improve my chances of meeting people, other than hanging around in coffe shops bars etc? I have met some people and I know that with time I will meet more of their friends - I just don't want to be too pushy.

I agree with you in regards to the hobby thing - I wouldn't think of doing something I didn't like just to make friends. In fact, I love music - have been doing it most of my life - I just think that the current situation might 'push' me to start doing other things outside of work.

Honestly, I can't tell you, "Go here, do this and you'll make tons of friends". It doesn't really work that way, at least it hasn't for me. But I can tell you with certainty that hanging back trying not to be too pushy is a mistake. It turns you into a tag along, and when you're one of those, the very first moment you need a friend's help, you become a liability becasue there is no "history" there.

It usually takes me several months to get the social ball rolling in a new town. It's not easy. But there definately is a difference between being pushy and suggestive. The bottom line is that being "pushy" is trying to get others to organize a meeting to benefit yourself, while being suggestive is to plan a specific event on a specific date for everyone to have some fun.

To give you an example of this, when I moved to Florida I had the opportunity to go out with a guy I worked with. He introduced me to a few freinds, one of which had a boat. As the night went on, I learned that the guys would sometimes take that boat out to a popular little island sand dune for a party. In a pushy manner, I could have asked when they were going out next. I could have asked what I needed to bring, what I needed to do. But instead, I approached it all in a suggestive manner by saying, "Next time you guys go out, let me know. I'll hire a stripper to bring with us". BAM! The following weekend I was on the boat. Yeah, I was down on some cash, but I didn't pay for one beer the whole weekend and the invites out kept coming weeks later.

I'm not saying you have to be this guy who buys strippers and drinks tons of beer, just that you make an impact. What lifestyle you live doesn't matter. Just don't be the reserved entertainee waiting for invites all of the time. Do something that will make that phone ring.

 

[djzulu]

.

To give you an example of this, when I moved to Florida I had the opportunity to go out with a guy I worked with. He introduced me to a few freinds, one of which had a boat. As the night went on, I learned that the guys would sometimes take that boat out to a popular little island sand dune for a party. In a pushy manner, I could have asked when they were going out next. I could have asked what I needed to bring, what I needed to do. But instead, I approached it all in a suggestive manner by saying, "Next time you guys go out, let me know. I'll hire a stripper to bring with us". BAM! The following weekend I was on the boat. Yeah, I was down on some cash, but I didn't pay for one beer the whole weekend and the invites out kept coming weeks later.

LJC - seriously - that was exactly what I needed! Thanks! - You're right, I have to be more creative and proactive. I did invite those people out, but all I did was 'let's meet up' bla bla, which is pretty darn boring. I am going to act on your advice first thing tomorrow - maybe will get something going this weekend. Maybe will get a table at some club - but I can't top your stripper idea(at least not yet ).

At the same time, things are going much better for me - it's all a question of putting your mind to it.

I finally met a new person over here - we went out for drinks tonight. He is more or less in the same situation and is looking to get out after work and have some fun.

I am building up my confidence again, there were some girls in the bar - actually one hottie who I made EC with - and she smiled back. Every now and then she would look at me and see me seeing her looking at me, so she would smile. There was a guy sitting with her at the table, but I didn't make a move, but it was very close (obviously I am looking at the positive side of things). Just didn't want to go that way, wanted to stay focused on my new friend.

That's all for today - hopefuly some spicy stories coming up...