Relationship Game

[GreyedOut]

First off, I wanted to say I think this website is great. The advice is priceless and has helped me get a good handle on my game. I'm not interested in one night stands and am more interested in developing relationships.

I've been seeing this girl for over a month now. All of our dates have been fun, light and flirty action dates. After every date she was more and more interested in me and always asked when the next time she could see me is. She'd be nervous and flustered and it was cute. She's introduced me to friends and family and she's very suggestive of a relationship. My game was pretty solid based on the advice I've gotten from this website but I recently changed it up thinking it's the appropriate response considering how things have progressed. I'm starting to wonder if this was a mistake. I'll compare how I've changed things, but I want to throw it out there that this girl is clearly interested in a relationship only.

At first:
-kept communication infrequent, light, playful and teasing. (quality over quantity)
-she always initiated communication
-suggestive that I was always busy and out having fun
-only saw her once a week for action dates and avoided weekends
-I planned all dates and invited her along for the adventure
-I kept the mystery by keeping her talking through most of the interactions, and joking off most questions

Now after a little over a month:
-we text almost daily now, with both of us equally starting it
-the communication is less playful
-I've been seeing her twice a week and last date she's pushing for more
-I've let her plan some dates (cook me dinner, go out for dinner)
-There's a lot less mystery and I've actually begun sharing some information to get to know each other
-I've shown more interest through strong kino
-we slept together...but it wasn't the best haha. I'm planning on making up on this point, but this didn't seem to affect her interest level at all. In fact it increased on the next date.

I'm struggling to keep the communication playful because she's always texting me. Sometimes I'm in the middle of stuff and I can't always be thinking up witty stuff. So I will either not respond or provide a basic response. She doesn't seem to appreciate the fact that I'm busy and now when I'm trying to get back into playful she's not very responsive. I'm trying not to read too much into it but our interactions aren't very fun for me anymore...I'm trying to re-establish the frame and realize if this girl isn't fun maybe I need to move on.

I feel like this websites advice is maintain the same strategy through out and I think this is where I went wrong. But how do you push back on the girl when she gets aggresive about seeing you more and always texts you? I appreciate that she texts me back right away and is considerate. I want to reciprocate out of respect...

I've been considering taking some time off from this girl (like a week) to settle down and regain my composure.

Suggestions or advice?

 

[Kirro]

First off, I wanted to say I think this website is great. The advice is priceless and has helped me get a good handle on my game. I'm not interested in one night stands and am more interested in developing relationships.

Fair enough, but you'll have an uphill battle. Hope you're prepared.

I've been seeing this girl for over a month now. All of our dates have been fun, light and flirty action dates. After every date she was more and more interested in me and always asked when the next time she could see me is.

You should make a topic detailing how you do this, it would help a lot of these dudes out.

She'd be nervous and flustered and it was cute. She's introduced me to friends and family and she's very suggestive of a relationship.

This is where you start qualifying her & testing her.

My game was pretty solid based on the advice I've gotten from this website but I recently changed it up thinking it's the appropriate response considering how things have progressed. I'm starting to wonder if this was a mistake. I'll compare how I've changed things, but I want to throw it out there that this girl is clearly interested in a relationship only.

Its cool that this girl only wants a relationship but that doesn't make her relationship material.

At first:
-kept communication infrequent, light, playful and teasing. (quality over quantity)
-she always initiated communication
-suggestive that I was always busy and out having fun
-only saw her once a week for action dates and avoided weekends
-I planned all dates and invited her along for the adventure
-I kept the mystery by keeping her talking through most of the interactions, and joking off most questions

Again, you should make a topic expanding on these points. Lots of dudes need to be reminded of the game.

Now after a little over a month:
-we text almost daily now, with both of us equally starting it
-the communication is less playful
-I've been seeing her twice a week and last date she's pushing for more
-I've let her plan some dates (cook me dinner, go out for dinner)
-There's a lot less mystery and I've actually begun sharing some information to get to know each other
-I've shown more interest through strong kino
-we slept together...but it wasn't the best haha. I'm planning on making up on this point, but this didn't seem to affect her interest level at all. In fact it increased on the next date.

I think you know why I underlined this part don't you.

I'm struggling to keep the communication playful because she's always texting me.

Refer to the part I underlined.

Sometimes I'm in the middle of stuff and I can't always be thinking up witty stuff. So I will either not respond or provide a basic response. She doesn't seem to appreciate the fact that I'm busy

Refer to the underlined part.

and now when I'm trying to get back into playful she's not very responsive. I'm trying not to read too much into it but our interactions aren't very fun for me anymore

You slept with a girl who is only interested in SRS, committed relationships, its safe to say the fun's over.

...I'm trying to re-establish the frame and realize if this girl isn't fun maybe I need to move on.

You can't backtrack, the interaction between you two have progressed beyond that point, from here things get serious, either you jump into a relationship purely because she wants one or you move on.

I feel like this websites advice is maintain the same strategy through out and I think this is where I went wrong.

I don't think you went wrong at all. Its just how it works mate.

But how do you push back on the girl when she gets aggresive about seeing you more and always texts you?

This is where you get ballsy. Tell her that you're busy because you are & either she accepts it & knows her place or she walks out of your life. Her putting all this pressure is red flag.

I appreciate that she texts me back right away and is considerate. I want to reciprocate out of respect...

That's fair.

I've been considering taking some time off from this girl (like a week) to settle down and regain my composure.

Do it. NOW.

Suggestions or advice?

Its great to finally read a topic where the dude is in control of the situation & is in a position of choosing. Good on you mate.

Move on & here's why. She's not fun anymore using your own words. She's always calling & texting, always want to see you, she doesn't appreciate how busy you are, this is a rocky foundation & getting with her could lead to a lot of unneeded drama.

You could of course have a rational, adult conversation explaining how busy you are & coming to a compromise about her getting attention & seeing you......*snickers*

 

[GreyedOut]

Wow, thanks for the reply. I was concerned about the advice I was going to get but this was really constructive feedback.

I have a few questions about your comments.

1) Thanks for the appreciation on my approach to game. I've learned a lot from this website and have been thinking of giving back by creating some detailed posts about my approach to things.

2) Why do you feel relationships are an uphill battle?

3) I've been qualifying and testing her when she was nervous and flustered, and she was constantly trying to impress me. I actually called her out on it at one point and teased her on it. Last date she wasn't trying the same way. Was a different vibe.

4) I agree that she may not be relationship material. I've been maintaining the frame that she needs to impress me and she's been buying into it pretty well. But I think I went overboard on it. I think she got the impression I think I'm better than her or something. The last date she was more defensive.

5) Can you clarify on the underlining of the sex part? I know the emotional investment from sleeping with a guy is huge and changes everything. But the advice on this website is to "**** her good". It really wasn't good at all lol. But her interest level still shot through the roof afterwards. Is it simply the fact that she was willing to give it up that changes things? And just because I slept with her means I need to be available for constant texts and seeing her? I've read posts on this website that refer to how girls will try to trap you in through sleeping with you. Is this what you're suggesting?

6) Just by sleeping with her this suggests the funs over? How so? Does she feel that she doesn't need to flirt or try so hard because she locked me down? My buddy suggested something similar. That after we slept together she considers me "hers".

7) So like I said before, I learned a lot of game from this website. But I feel it only covers the initial stages of interaction. The later parts aren't really discussed. You suggest that I can't keep the same strategy because that's how it works. How does it work lol? After we sleep together there's no more flirty banter? No more qualifying, testing, negging, push/pull? All of these worked so well before we slept together, now they seem to be having a negative impact...

8) I originally thought the pressure was a red flag and that's why I was backing off. But thinking about more, I realize I knew this girl was only interested in a serious relationship. I should have expected this. There are no other red flags with this girl. If I want a relationship, then this really isn't a red flag. I guess I just need to know if I want a relationship with this girl. You made an excellent point that I need to qualify her for good relationship material. Maybe that's why I'm hesitant...

9) I was in the position of choosing, but I feel that I'm starting to lose it. She's been pulling back and I've been reacting. I'm not happy with and I need to regain the frame. This websites advice to do this is spin more plates...but this clearly won't work on this girl as she wants no games. She wants a relationship. So I need to decide if I want a relationship or let her walk. If I want a relationship I have to talk to her and cut the bull****. Agreed?

Thanks again for the great advice.

 

[Kirro]

Wow, thanks for the reply. I was concerned about the advice I was going to get but this was really constructive feedback.

I have a few questions about your comments.

1) Thanks for the appreciation on my approach to game. I've learned a lot from this website and have been thinking of giving back by creating some detailed posts about my approach to things.

I would implore you to post some detailed tips, there needs to be more solutions & less whining.

2) Why do you feel relationships are an uphill battle?

A committed relationship isn't something you achieve & it maintains itself, its a constant effort on your part to keep things fresh, interesting & positive. As the man you have to guide yourself & your partner to emotional/physical bliss. Often times you have to re-visit aspects of yourself that attracted your partner in the first place long after you've forgotten. You have to sleep with one eye open, you can't allow yourself to get comfortable or to slip. You constantly have to pass the subconscious tests your partner will throw out. IMO keeping one woman is more work than sleeping with many. I really think commitments only really benefit the offspring of the participants. However people think differently & I like that, & I hope that you can be an exception.

3) I've been qualifying and testing her when she was nervous and flustered, and she was constantly trying to impress me. I actually called her out on it at one point and teased her on it. Last date she wasn't trying the same way. Was a different vibe.

Heh. Too much of a good thing can be bad. However stick to your guns, the last you want is to chump yourself down to appease her, it will only make you lose it altogether in the end.

4) I agree that she may not be relationship material. I've been maintaining the frame that she needs to impress me and she's been buying into it pretty well. But I think I went overboard on it. I think she got the impression I think I'm better than her or something. The last date she was more defensive.

You could tone it down a wee bit but her behaviour isn't a good sign. What has she been doing to merit a difference in your behaviour, I'm curious

5) Can you clarify on the underlining of the sex part? I know the emotional investment from sleeping with a guy is huge and changes everything. But the advice on this website is to "**** her good". It really wasn't good at all lol. But her interest level still shot through the roof afterwards. Is it simply the fact that she was willing to give it up that changes things? And just because I slept with her means I need to be available for constant texts and seeing her? I've read posts on this website that refer to how girls will try to trap you in through sleeping with you. Is this what you're suggesting?

It doesn't take mindblowing sex to make some girls very attached to you. The fact is, she gave you access to her hole in exchange for your freedom & your balls. In her mind, she delivered on her end of the bargain, now its time for you to pay up.

6) Just by sleeping with her this suggests the funs over? How so? Does she feel that she doesn't need to flirt or try so hard because she locked me down? My buddy suggested something similar. That after we slept together she considers me "hers".

Your buddy isn't far off. Its almost like a man who paid for a date & entertained & is now expecting sex as a reward. She gave you sex now she expects to be paid in the currency of your testicles. You being busy & remaining who you were annoys her, I think she expected you to be whipped by now.

7) So like I said before, I learned a lot of game from this website. But I feel it only covers the initial stages of interaction. The later parts aren't really discussed. You suggest that I can't keep the same strategy because that's how it works. How does it work lol? After we sleep together there's no more flirty banter? No more qualifying, testing, negging, push/pull? All of these worked so well before we slept together, now they seem to be having a negative impact...

There is a natural progression of events during an interaction. Sex being the milestone, after that the events will vary slightly from chick to chick. This chick seems like she wants to tame you & is upset because you haven't immediately flopped on your back for a belly rub. Also what have you done with this chick since banging her? This info is important.

8) I originally thought the pressure was a red flag and that's why I was backing off. But thinking about more, I realize I knew this girl was only interested in a serious relationship. I should have expected this. There are no other red flags with this girl. If I want a relationship, then this really isn't a red flag. I guess I just need to know if I want a relationship with this girl. You made an excellent point that I need to qualify her for good relationship material. Maybe that's why I'm hesitant...

Always be hesitant. This is your freedom & future on the line. Don't be so eager to sign it away. I'd say spend some more time interacting with this chick, observe her behaviour and actions. These will tell you what you need to know. Continue to see what she brings to the table, what benefits she has to offer.

9) I was in the position of choosing, but I feel that I'm starting to lose it. She's been pulling back and I've been reacting. I'm not happy with and I need to regain the frame. This websites advice to do this is spin more plates...but this clearly won't work on this girl as she wants no games. She wants a relationship. So I need to decide if I want a relationship or let her walk. If I want a relationship I have to talk to her and cut the bull****. Agreed?

Here comes the testicle check. Are you willing to jump into a relationship just because you want this chick in your life? I say let her walk, she has to play by your rules on your terms. You have to come first.

I summon the counsel of Iceberg. I recall a post of his from way back when..."my life doesn't start & end with a gf" or something along those lines.

Too many girls want more than sex while ironically having nothing more to offer than sex. She sounds like the type & I say that because you have yet to list any positives she has brought to your life since you started dating her.

Thanks again for the great advice.

EDIT - I'd like to know what have you done since sleeping with this chick?