rekindling with the ex, while she is seeing someone

[K_architect]

My ex and i broke up 5 months ago (which i initiated) after 5 years LTR because of LDR problems. Due to changing circumstances she just moved back here.

During our time apart i have been hooking up with different girls and she rushed into a new relationship after a couple of weeks (which is now also an indefinite LDR on the other side of the continent).

This past week she reached out to me and called if we could meet-up, so we went for a walk. I kept everything light funny and charming. She wanted to talk about the end of our relationship and if we could still be friends to which i replied that i loved her and was sorry for hurting her but that there was no way i wanted to be around her if she wasn't interested in more (she had alot of trouble not to become emotional). To which she replied that she wanted to be faithful to her new relationship.

Anyway i kept things fun after that and when we where about to leave (which lasted for a good 40min) we ended up hugging, holding hands and making out (so much for being faithful!)

She also gave me back some of my stuff. When earlier i had called her to let her know what she wanted to get back from her stuff she didn't want any of it. However at the end of our walk suddenly she wanted to come by to get it (another opportunity to see me?)


So what can i read into the whole kissing thing?
What should be my strategy to try and rekindle things?

My strategy so far has been to not contact her (for the last 7 days) hoping that she will initiate something to get in contact. (which seems the low risk strategy as it doesn't make me come off as needy)

On the other hand i could try to meet up again and see how far she is willing to cheat on the new guy.
Opinions?

 

[Wraithe]

My guess is that she is attention whoring and making sure you're still a possibility if she wants to allow it, the kiss was the test to confirm it. I'm sure that she will go all the way, but there's a chance that she'll drop you and not him at that point.

Once a cheat always a cheat, she'll be kissing and more with other dudes at a moments notice.. so as long as you're prepared for that too if you get back in the relationship.

I'd say just wait and see what happens, don't pursue.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Anyway i kept things fun after that and when we where about to leave (which lasted for a good 40min) we ended up hugging, holding hands and making out (so much for being faithful!)

She also gave me back some of my stuff. When earlier i had called her to let her know what she wanted to get back from her stuff she didn't want any of it. However at the end of our walk suddenly she wanted to come by to get it (another opportunity to see me?)


So what can i read into the whole kissing thing?
What should be my strategy to try and rekindle things?

My strategy so far has been to not contact her (for the last 7 days) hoping that she will initiate something to get in contact. (which seems the low risk strategy as it doesn't make me come off as needy)

On the other hand i could try to meet up again and see how far she is willing to cheat on the new guy.
Opinions?

Words vs. actions. Sounds like you got your answer. I agree with Wraithe though...don't contact her because this does sound like a distinct possibility of attention wh*ring and her making sure you're her safety net so she can swing to another branch safely.

If she keeps contacting you "just to talk" or whatever and wants more tongue action, etc. yet remains non-committal, I wouldn't stand for that because you're not second anything. Have some self-respect.

 

[GS750]

If you want her back, then get her back. BUT keep in mind she cheated on another dude with you, she will cheat on you with another dude.

 

[nismo-4]

She is attention wh0ring. She wants to make sure she has you before going full throttle with this new guy. For now, you are a beta orbiter. Go see someone else OP.

Case closed.

 

[K_architect]

Too clarify things a little we never really had major problems for the last 5 years and she never cheated on me (as far as i can tell). The only reason we went our separate ways was because both of our careers ended up changing this into a long term LDR which i was unwilling to deal with. and for the last three months i went NC when i heard she was with someone else (since she kept talking to me on facebook).

She is an incredible hypocrite though which i find quite amusing since she was always talking how she would never do this kind of stuff, being the radical christian that she is.

depends on what you want

If you want her back, then get her back

I do want to get her back, but am quite prepared to walk away if this doesn't work out i have other options but am still emotionally attached to this relationship.

Words vs. actions. Sounds like you got your answer. I agree with Wraithe though...don't contact her because this does sound like a distinct possibility of attention wh*ring and her making sure you're her safety net so she can swing to another branch safely.

i am hearing this alot from other people as well with regards to the safety net, so if the opportunity arises i will try to get her to commit to me. However i wont initiate and will continue the non pursuing option.

Anyway ill spend the weekend with my fb to keep the ex of my mind

 

[hudpes]

I do want to get her back, but am quite prepared to walk away if this doesn't work out i have other options but am still emotionally attached to this relationship.

Detach yourself. You let her go or she let you go, it happened, if the tie between you two was strong enough, neither of you would allow that. You've reached the maximum potential of the relationship and the pull was not strong enough to keep you together, so what do you expect from the relationship now?

If you need an illustration, you drove an old, rusty pinto, it was crap and it was letting you down but you felt it had character. Then you got a walking distance job and sold the car to your second cousin. Couple of months later you go to your cousin and you're asking for a few laps with that sh!itty, rusty pile of cr*p because you're still emotionally attached to it and it's somehow going to make you feel better. Hell, you might even buy it back and offer more money than he gave you.

 

[GS750]

Yeah it seems like she may be bored with the new dude, considering dumping him, etc. but needs to be sure she can branch swing back to you before she does it. Like Mauser said, she's not going to be alone, so she needs to have something lined up before she ends it. But she has technically cheated at this point...so do you want to be with a girl who cheats?

 

[K_architect]

Well it seems their new relationship is untenable if neither is willing to move to the other which is apparently the case (her work precludes her from getting a job in another country and he wont be able to work here) So a break-up is very likely in the middle to long-term.

My own position before I posted here was that I wanted to get her back and start up a relationship with her again, however now I am not so sure anymore. Since this cheating bs is a massive turn-off.

This tread has definitely made me realise/or question a number of things
#1 if she is cheating on him with me, was she cheating on me when we where in LDR (she could be or she couldn't be its impossible to tell when she says one or the other)

#2 im friends with her brother and apparently she hasn't told anyone she was even meeting me let alone what happened. So im willing to take a bet she didn't with her new boyfriend. In which case it again emphasizes some serious F'ed up behaviour on her part.

#3 My time is way to valuable to be lead-on, so there will be no pursuing either she comes my way or she will never see me again. It would seem my state of mind with regards to my own value in this relationship have radically turned to a positive thanks to you guys.

Also just as an entertaining thought(not something, i would ever do) i now hold the power to blow up their relationship if she intends to hurt me in one of her mind****s.

 

[K_architect]

Well after one and a halve weeks of silence she decided to grace me with her contact again. She called sounding a bit depressed wanting to come over and get her stuff tomorrow.
So we will see how this will work out.

Ill just try and play it funny and charming /not needy again and see where it will go.

 

[K_architect]

She is attention wh0ring. She wants to make sure she has you before going full throttle with this new guy. For now, you are a beta orbiter. Go see someone else OP.

Case closed.

So after the meeting today it seems to be this, she came to get her things this time no hugs, no kissing just a cold person, we did some BS small talk and then she left after 10min.

This was pretty big ***** move first giving me hope and then acting like this.
(if i was a lesser person i would just tell the new guy and blow the whole thing up)

What I heard from her brother, the new guy is moving here and she is looking at living together with him after only 4 months. So it could be a rebound considering the extreme rate at which things are progressing and the emotional instability she has shown, but i wont delude myself any longer, this is a lost cause and its time to walk-away and never look back.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

So after the meeting today it seems to be this, she came to get her things this time no hugs, no kissing just a cold person, we did some BS small talk and then she left after 10min.

This was pretty big ***** move first giving me hope and then acting like this.
(if i was a lesser person i would just tell the new guy and blow the whole thing up)

What I heard from her brother, the new guy is moving here and she is looking at living together with him after only 4 months. So it could be a rebound considering the extreme rate at which things are progressing and the emotional instability she has shown, but i wont delude myself any longer, this is a lost cause and its time to walk-away and never look back.

This sounds all too familiar. Bolt the door shut. There's your average emotional girl, and then there's the all-over-the-place type you've described above. Far better to stay single and maintain your dignity and peace of mind than to get caught up in that kind of wild jungle of emotions.