(I posted this on another forum as Dr Swift, and thought I'd repost it here)
The following may help some of those struggling kick off their game. Feedback much appreciated
(this is from my personal journey through these trials)
Well to any of you RAFCs out there you've heard us say it before:
'There is no such thing as rejection'
But did you get it? Do you understand how that phrase can be real to you? Or are you still, as I believe many of those just waiting to crack the psychological barrier are, trying to accept what we say while harbouring a secret belief that you're trying to believe a lie.
Well what we are saying is true and I can prove it to you. Lets start with a simple question.
'What is Rejection?'
The answer to this question seems simple: social disapproval and shunning. You get excluded or lose social status within your social group.
'Why do we fear/dislike rejection?'
In evolutionary terms people needed to function as a group to survive. Rejection is a tool of conformation and a psychological force of control of action. It is likely that some genetic factors influence our psychology to make it so pervasive as it is in adult life. However, despite the predisposition to develop it being partially genetic it is ultimately a result of life experiences and social conditioning.
"Is rejection a force in the real world?"
It's controlling you right now isn't it? Perhaps the question we need to ask is more profound.
"Is rejection itself real?"
No. It's entirely in your head so-to-speak. Thats why we can all say 'there is no such thing as rejection' and accept that and the reason you are not yet comfortable with it. Put simply that statment is a statment about the SPEAKERS reality which makes 100% sense to them. If you feel a conflict with your beliefs about reality it's because you havn't learned how to believe that statment yet. Since it's all in your mind believing there is no rejection is the same thing as there not being any such thing.
"How can I stop feeling rejection?"
Ok now we're getting profound. There are several approaches. I'd do them all if I were you.
The most fundemental arrises from NLP: Change your beliefs. Create memories that support it. You'll find a lot of hypnosis tracks useful in achieving this. Work on installing an internal locus of control. Not looking to anyone else for approval and other LEADERSHIP qualities (that's right - leaders are people who get the evolutionary exception to the rejection problem -they MUST be willing to make decisions from their own stand point)
Desensitisation - a psychological technique. Basically you're exposing yourself to the situation so often that you learn to disassosiate the feeling of rejection from approaching women. So the answer here is make the plunge. However there is more than one way to desensitise and we will talk about other arrangements which will make it more effective.
Psychological desensitisation is also possible. Imagine situations first. Visualise them, go through with it until you feel comfortable in your mind. You're training yourself slowly out of the problem.
The next stage up is to imagine doing things when you're in the situation you would normally do them get yourself as close to doing them as you can and stay in that state. If you push yourself in that way often enough it may help. However there will come a time when you must stop yourself doing this as this technique can be used as an excuse for not actively desensitising yourself. Don't let this technique be your secret reason for failure. Like all these things they are crutches to get you walking - nothing more.
Detatch from the outcome. That's right. You have to absolutely not care how the situation turns out. It's nothing to do with you. She doesn't even know you. If you care in anyway then you're linking YOUR confidence and YOUR validation and YOUR sense of your social status to the interaction. Detatching is a huge step in making rejection a thing that happens to other people. Make meeting woman your experiment, your video game.
Here's the big one:
REFRAME (that's from NLP) rejection. Once you're detatched from rejection you'll be able to do some miraculus things. For a start you can begin to see rejection as funny. Visualise being blown off outrageously and find it really really funny. Keep doing this until it actually is funny.
Now that you've got that belief use it in your desensitisation. If you ever get (note the inverted commas) 'rejected' laugh. Do it right in front of the girl. That'll send her for a loop. Sometimes the fact that they have no power to destroy your ego and blow you off actually shows them your higher value and they'll become very into you. If not - beauty is common. She didn't know you. And hell do you want a biatch like that in your life?
Achieving the maximum effect from desensitisation and reframes: Wingmen (or just your peer group). Wingmen are better because they're in on the game and 'get it' so they'll find it just as funny and RESPECT you for going up and asking in the first place. If your friends are worth having they'll laugh at it with you. Make sure you put it accross as this really funny thing that psycho biatch from hell said that was so funny. They'll see you don't care. They're the people you'll go back and laugh at it with and guess what....They're your REAL social group.
Enlightenment dawns:
So if you can use the wingman crutch it's very powerful. Suddenly your social group enjoys when women blow them off. It's funny. It really is now, because it's a fun thing you talk about with your mates. It's a thing you laugh about thinking or reading about and even when it happens. You're reprogramming of your brain is nearly complete. Suddenly approaching women is fun and funny and rejection isn't an issue. You're gaining experience. You're desensitising yourself entirely.
There's one more thing left to handle. You're still using crutches.
Defeat wingman Dependance:
The thing is this way is the best way to help you get round feeling rejection. but you want to be alpha in and of yourself. What you're really doing with the wingman crutch is transferring desire for approval from the woman to your mates. Now you also should have been working on internal locus of control and not needing approval. That will help you with being independant of even your wingman's approval.
Start gaming on your own. Come back and tell your wingmen about it. That means you still have the crutch to a lesser degree. Eventually you'll start to get the satisfaction on your own.
Eventually you won't need them.
Now you have to begin mental rehersals of your wingmen dissing you (which no descent wingman will ever do) and reframe that as funny. It doesn't mean don't take their advice.
A good wingman is a man's best friend.
It does mean that if ever you end up separated from them or falling out with them there's no danger of a complete PUA meltdown.
It'll make you more alpha in your group.
When you've done this process read the statement again:
'There is no such thing as rejection'
Now you can believe it.
The following may help some of those struggling kick off their game. Feedback much appreciated
(this is from my personal journey through these trials)
Well to any of you RAFCs out there you've heard us say it before:
'There is no such thing as rejection'
But did you get it? Do you understand how that phrase can be real to you? Or are you still, as I believe many of those just waiting to crack the psychological barrier are, trying to accept what we say while harbouring a secret belief that you're trying to believe a lie.
Well what we are saying is true and I can prove it to you. Lets start with a simple question.
'What is Rejection?'
The answer to this question seems simple: social disapproval and shunning. You get excluded or lose social status within your social group.
'Why do we fear/dislike rejection?'
In evolutionary terms people needed to function as a group to survive. Rejection is a tool of conformation and a psychological force of control of action. It is likely that some genetic factors influence our psychology to make it so pervasive as it is in adult life. However, despite the predisposition to develop it being partially genetic it is ultimately a result of life experiences and social conditioning.
"Is rejection a force in the real world?"
It's controlling you right now isn't it? Perhaps the question we need to ask is more profound.
"Is rejection itself real?"
No. It's entirely in your head so-to-speak. Thats why we can all say 'there is no such thing as rejection' and accept that and the reason you are not yet comfortable with it. Put simply that statment is a statment about the SPEAKERS reality which makes 100% sense to them. If you feel a conflict with your beliefs about reality it's because you havn't learned how to believe that statment yet. Since it's all in your mind believing there is no rejection is the same thing as there not being any such thing.
"How can I stop feeling rejection?"
Ok now we're getting profound. There are several approaches. I'd do them all if I were you.
The most fundemental arrises from NLP: Change your beliefs. Create memories that support it. You'll find a lot of hypnosis tracks useful in achieving this. Work on installing an internal locus of control. Not looking to anyone else for approval and other LEADERSHIP qualities (that's right - leaders are people who get the evolutionary exception to the rejection problem -they MUST be willing to make decisions from their own stand point)
Desensitisation - a psychological technique. Basically you're exposing yourself to the situation so often that you learn to disassosiate the feeling of rejection from approaching women. So the answer here is make the plunge. However there is more than one way to desensitise and we will talk about other arrangements which will make it more effective.
Psychological desensitisation is also possible. Imagine situations first. Visualise them, go through with it until you feel comfortable in your mind. You're training yourself slowly out of the problem.
The next stage up is to imagine doing things when you're in the situation you would normally do them get yourself as close to doing them as you can and stay in that state. If you push yourself in that way often enough it may help. However there will come a time when you must stop yourself doing this as this technique can be used as an excuse for not actively desensitising yourself. Don't let this technique be your secret reason for failure. Like all these things they are crutches to get you walking - nothing more.
Detatch from the outcome. That's right. You have to absolutely not care how the situation turns out. It's nothing to do with you. She doesn't even know you. If you care in anyway then you're linking YOUR confidence and YOUR validation and YOUR sense of your social status to the interaction. Detatching is a huge step in making rejection a thing that happens to other people. Make meeting woman your experiment, your video game.
Here's the big one:
REFRAME (that's from NLP) rejection. Once you're detatched from rejection you'll be able to do some miraculus things. For a start you can begin to see rejection as funny. Visualise being blown off outrageously and find it really really funny. Keep doing this until it actually is funny.
Now that you've got that belief use it in your desensitisation. If you ever get (note the inverted commas) 'rejected' laugh. Do it right in front of the girl. That'll send her for a loop. Sometimes the fact that they have no power to destroy your ego and blow you off actually shows them your higher value and they'll become very into you. If not - beauty is common. She didn't know you. And hell do you want a biatch like that in your life?
Achieving the maximum effect from desensitisation and reframes: Wingmen (or just your peer group). Wingmen are better because they're in on the game and 'get it' so they'll find it just as funny and RESPECT you for going up and asking in the first place. If your friends are worth having they'll laugh at it with you. Make sure you put it accross as this really funny thing that psycho biatch from hell said that was so funny. They'll see you don't care. They're the people you'll go back and laugh at it with and guess what....They're your REAL social group.
Enlightenment dawns:
So if you can use the wingman crutch it's very powerful. Suddenly your social group enjoys when women blow them off. It's funny. It really is now, because it's a fun thing you talk about with your mates. It's a thing you laugh about thinking or reading about and even when it happens. You're reprogramming of your brain is nearly complete. Suddenly approaching women is fun and funny and rejection isn't an issue. You're gaining experience. You're desensitising yourself entirely.
There's one more thing left to handle. You're still using crutches.
Defeat wingman Dependance:
The thing is this way is the best way to help you get round feeling rejection. but you want to be alpha in and of yourself. What you're really doing with the wingman crutch is transferring desire for approval from the woman to your mates. Now you also should have been working on internal locus of control and not needing approval. That will help you with being independant of even your wingman's approval.
Start gaming on your own. Come back and tell your wingmen about it. That means you still have the crutch to a lesser degree. Eventually you'll start to get the satisfaction on your own.
Eventually you won't need them.
Now you have to begin mental rehersals of your wingmen dissing you (which no descent wingman will ever do) and reframe that as funny. It doesn't mean don't take their advice.
A good wingman is a man's best friend.
It does mean that if ever you end up separated from them or falling out with them there's no danger of a complete PUA meltdown.
It'll make you more alpha in your group.
When you've done this process read the statement again:
'There is no such thing as rejection'
Now you can believe it.
