Rejection better than regret? Seriously?

[backbreaker]

that is one notion, one of the few, I never bought into here, and I have a guy friend of mine spending the night over my house right now to reinterate my point.

Rejection better than regret, the probelm I see is that it's too shallow. meaning, the tape ends with talking to the girl and asking for her number.

that girl turns out to be a venditive *****, a *****, a gold digger or what have you, i'd rather regret that I never talked to her than get that ultimate feeling of rejection. That, okay, I see what you are offering.. i'm not just rejecting you at a coffee shop, I know who you are, i know what you are.. and you know what.. I don't want it. I"d rather **** the service guy down the street..


If we are talking about talking to women and getting numbers, I think a better way to say it is the old phrase, I miss 100% of the shots I don't take. I dont' think rejection is better than regret, at least on a deeper level.

My old oneitis that brought me here I wish I could go back and just regret I never met her. I wish I didn't have to deal with all the rejectionI delt with for as long as I did

 

[Scars]

Too each their own I suppose. Perhaps you should spend more time in learning the signs of these "vindictive slvts, wh0res, and gold diggers". Most of these woman have distinguishable RED FLAGS they subconsciously give off. In any case these are woman of lower value, they simply don't matter.

In any case..

Rejection is a learning experience. All of us came here for a reason, we were all hurt at one point, otherwise we wouldn't be on this forum. It took pain and rejection to realize that we were doing something wrong. It took pain and rejection for us to seek the truth. It took pain and rejection for us to want to better ourselves. All that rejection came from taking a chance, not sitting on the side lines. Just think, if we never knew what rejection was we'd all be lonely. We would be the guy on the side lines. The guy who's never experienced anything, neither pain nor happiness.

It just sounds to me like you are still stuck in a oneitis over your ex. Which is fine, we all get like that at one point or another. But don't let it devour you. You're definitely one of the better posters here, and I'd hate to watch it engulf you and lead you into a path of depression. I'm hoping this whole anti-rejection thing is just a stage, because honestly rejection really isn't the end of the world.

Wouldn't you rather try and fail then never try at all.. spending your whole life wondering WHAT IF?

 

[backbreaker]

1. you are 19.

2. I'm about to be engaged to my GF of 3 years. I wouldn't touch that woman with a 10 foot pole now.

3. this thread has nothing to do with me. something happened to someone that got me to thinking about something that is a widley held belief.

 

[guru1000]

If life just rolled over and spread it's legs, what would be your purpose?

 

[The Asian Lover]

You need thick skin to handle rejection.

Women are only sources of sexual pleasure to me. So if one rejects me, on to the next one, and the next, and the next.

 

[backbreaker]

please re read my post.

No one is suggesting that it's better to beat your meat than to talk to women.

I am suggesting that actually being rejcted by a woman.. not superficially but a woman actually rejecting you, is worst than regret.

In other words, rejection does suck more than regret in the long term, but that's not an excuse not to face rejection.

No one is saying AVOID rejection. Becuase even though rejection is worse than regret, loneiness trumps all. I'm just saying.. being actually rejected by a woman ****ing sucks. much worse than regret ever can

just a different point of view that's all


there is a guy on my coach sleeping becuase he came home to his GF was at home ****ing the **** out of his best friend when he walked through the door. Instead of him going back out I picked him up and told him he can sleep here for a few nights until he gets settled in whatever is going to happen.

you can't possiblyt ell me that his situtation, that he woul dmuch rather regret never talking to her than walking in and watching your Best friend PIITB

 

[starplayer]

Rejection is a learning experience. All of us came here for a reason, we were all hurt at one point, otherwise we wouldn't be on this forum. It took pain and rejection to realize that we were doing something wrong. It took pain and rejection for us to seek the truth. It took pain and rejection for us to want to better ourselves. All that rejection came from taking a chance, not sitting on the side lines. Just think, if we never knew what rejection was we'd all be lonely. We would be the guy on the side lines. The guy who's never experienced anything, neither pain nor happiness.

true. it was the pain of rejection that made me find the community a year ago. sometimes i wish i'd never met the b!tch because it hurt so bad at the time. but looking back, it could have been one of the best things that ever happened to me. it forced me out of a life of apathy and into one of self-improvement, and helped me find something i'd been missing my whole life - self-esteem. i'm sure many guys on here came from a similar situation.

hope your buddy's alright backbreaker. he's probably feeling like sh!t right now and will do for a while, but it could prove to be a gift in the long run.

 

[KontrollerX]

A young guy as a simple human need...needs female praise/approval what have you. Thats just the way we humans seem to work.

So in an AFC sense say a guy grows up an AFC without any male role model setting him up to be confident, assured and knowledgeable about how to deal with women, how to not become crushed over rejection etc. The AFC that doesn't have that knowledge buffer I can agree with you backbreaker for a guy like that regret would be far better than rejection as the AFC mentality is a total weakness that can allow for every real or imagined slight to cut much deeper than it would in a man raised and trained to have DJ confidence and skill with dealing with women.

The guy raised and trained to be a DJ by knowledgeable brothers and a knowledgeable father is at an extreme advantage not afforded to the AFC. Since the trained from birth DJ is given such teaching that lets him know women's opinion of him is not the be all end all in his case rejection would be better than regret because if this sort of guy is rejected by some woman its not the end of the world for him. He has been raised to be so confident and self assured his focus is not so much on protecting himself from rejection but rather simply finding some chick to get with for sexual purposes or fun relationship purposes. Rejection is better than regret for this type of informed guy because if he talks to the hot blonde on the bus and lands her he didn't miss an opportunity to fvck some chick that struck his fancy and if she rejects him at least he knows where he stands and is not sad about it because once again he has all the DJ knowledge buffers from worthwhile male role models that guide him well and keep him emotionally in check.

 

[Luthor Rex]

This has always been kind of an odd topic for me. I've never had regret for the things I haven't done. The only things I've regretted are the things I have done. So I've never really understood the "rejection is better than regret" idea simply because I don't regret not trying to get with women.

*shrug*

 

[Bible_Belt]

there is a guy on my coach sleeping becuase he came home to his GF was at home ****ing the **** out of his best friend when he walked through the door. Instead of him going back out I picked him up and told him he can sleep here for a few nights until he gets settled in whatever is going to happen.

you can't possiblyt ell me that his situtation, that he woul dmuch rather regret never talking to her than walking in and watching your Best friend PIITB


I think is just life, and I don't feel sorry for him or for the situation. Honestly, I will go so far as to say that I bet be was too naive and should have seen it coming, and thus is not without fault himself. He chose poorly in picking a girlfriend and a best friend. After he gets over this, his heart will be a little tougher, and he hopefully won't be so naive as to let the same thing happen again. Being stronger and wiser is nothing to regret.

 

[Werman]

2. I'm about to be engaged to my GF of 3 years. I wouldn't touch that woman with a 10 foot pole now.

Why are you ABOUT to be engaged to a woman you wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole? GET OUT NOW!


Rejection is better than regret is talking about approaches.

Once you cross that threshold into a LTR, you need to be aware of red flags, and when you get them, don't be afraid to pull the trigger yourself and end it.

Failure to notice these red flags will lead to this disastrous rejection that you fear so much, and it's up to you to take charge of your life and prevent it from happening.

 

[BeautifulHawaii]

I agree with backbreaker.

This is a really great topic and shows that though the forum is filled with contradicting advice at times that goes against the common wisdom this is a good thing as everyone in particular gets what they need out of the available advice.

 

[Julian]

So basically the premise is that if you are rejected in any sense of the word, wether a quick number rejection or being cheated on by your girl, it is much less in terms of negative feelings when compared to feeling the regret of not going through with things that could cause rejection?

I dont get it, honestly. Are they converse to eachother? Is it always one or the other? Reason being you can be rejected and NOT regret anything right? Or you could regret not being rejected by a girl because it led to problems regardless. To me rejection and regret are not opposites of eachother maybe thats why I am having trouble grasping this concept, they are just 2 feelings in the extremely wide range of human emotions, as in you could feel both, one or the other, or neither at any time in regard to any situation.

I dont get what the connection is here.

 

[backbreaker]

Why are you ABOUT to be engaged to a woman you wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole? GET OUT NOW!


Rejection is better than regret is talking about approaches.

Once you cross that threshold into a LTR, you need to be aware of red flags, and when you get them, don't be afraid to pull the trigger yourself and end it.

Failure to notice these red flags will lead to this disastrous rejection that you fear so much, and it's up to you to take charge of your life and prevent it from happening.

two different women. I came here in 2002 chasing a girl. I met my current GF in what.. early 2006.

 

[backbreaker]

So basically the premise is that if you are rejected in any sense of the word, wether a quick number rejection or being cheated on by your girl, it is much less in terms of negative feelings when compared to feeling the regret of not going through with things that could cause rejection?

I dont get it, honestly. Are they converse to eachother? Is it always one or the other? Reason being you can be rejected and NOT regret anything right? Or you could regret not being rejected by a girl because it led to problems regardless. To me rejection and regret are not opposites of eachother maybe thats why I am having trouble grasping this concept, they are just 2 feelings in the extremely wide range of human emotions, as in you could feel both, one or the other, or neither at any time in regard to any situation.

I dont get what the connection is here.

pook is the connection lol


seriously.

 

[Jitterbug]

Rejection is better than regret.

Regret to me means that I did not take the shot because I feared rejection. The actual rejection usually isn't that bad and I can easily take it on the chin. But not going for what I wanted because I was crippled with fear? That's gonna bite me for a long time to come, because I behaved like a little pvssy.

What you're actually referring to, in your friend's situation, has already passed beyond the relevant sphere of "rejection & regret" though. When Pook said "rejection is better than regret" as Lesson #1 of his Fifteen Lessons, he didn't mean it to be something that covers your entire life or relationship. It's only the very first lesson for a young man, that's all.

Context, people.

 

[backbreaker]

But rejection is rejection. no matter when you get rejectd,it's still rejection. there is no context when dealing with rejecton

 

[Jitterbug]

But rejection is rejection. no matter when you get rejectd,it's still rejection. there is no context when dealing with rejecton

There is a context for Pook's "Rejection is better than regret". That "rejection" is not every kind of rejections you can think of. The context was a young man not confident about approaching & hitting on women he's attracted to. Your friend's situation was totally outside of that context.

Come on bro, that's not hard to comprehend.

 

[sodbuster]

I'd rather have been rejected by woman and know I've tried than to wake up 90 years later and realize I avoided life because I was afraid to live it. I've been turned down more than an army blanket, divorced etc. but my life is still better than the guy who stands in the corner wishing.

 

[jophil28]

Pook said a lot about the human condition - some of it was wise and some not so much.

However, the debate about rejection vs regret could be worded a little differently for clarity.

"It is better for a man to attempt and fail than allow his fear to prevent him from acting. Regret of what might have been is likely to follow a lack of boldness or the absence of courageous action."