Reinspiring yourself

[Heretolearn]

Ok, admittedly I am losing hope/becoming cynical with women.

Not a place I want to be. I have not had a relationship for over a year. I have had some fun flings since although the vicious circle is that the more I am successful with silly flings, the more respect I lose for those women and I get bored.

I am 31, doing well financially, finally have a job I like after working very hard to climb the ranks, fitness is fantastic.

What can I change or improve for interactions with women. I do believe I need to improve my self esteem. Any suggestions?

What else do you suggest to become more positive as the more cynical I feel, the worse my vibe to myself and others.

thanks

 

[scrouds]

What was the last adventure you've gone on?

 

[Colossus]

I got that way after being single for a long stretch. And trust me, it wasn't for lack of getting laid. I just got jaded with the whole process--the approach, the meetup, a date or two, some makeouts and eventually fvcking, then some cling on her part and disgust on my part. Dont get me wrong, a lot of these encounters WERE fun. But after about 6 months of this, I was just over it. I didnt feel like my life was lacking in sexual experience or that I hadnt sampled enough flavors anymore. I just got tired of the dating game. I wanted a girlfriend.

Well, I got a girlfriend and some things improved. My life was much more 'steady' and it was nice to have a partner to do things with and fvck all the time. But she annoyed the living daylights out of me. It was about this time in my life that I realized the grass is always greener. After being single too long you get cynical, after being in a relationship for a while you get bored and annoyed. I guess that observation in itself sounds cynical....but there is no "ideal" state. Each one has it's inherent sacrifices.

I dont think the answer lies with another woman. You need to refresh your perspective. I.e.---an adventure.

 

[Heretolearn]

What was the last adventure you've gone on?

Interesting that both posts suggested an adventure.

The last large one was foing to NY for a month about a year ago. My new job needs me to go to South America (finalising the details) for work, so I will try and take some time off and travel then also.

Otherwise, I hope to go to NY for a month again in about 10 months and counting

I have been on mini adventures since. How do you feel that will help?


Also with the grass is always greener -> good point. Something that bothers me is my success %. I.e some nice flings although not all of the girls I have asked/taken out have worked out. THe ones that did not go anywhere (lets be friends) really sting. Usually I dont think about them, although when I feel down, I think what if they are 'quality women' and I have missed out on them. I.e I am focusing my energy in the wrong areas/doing something wrong.

And also some of the girls interested in me, I am not interested in them (unattractive/high maintenance etc). So that makes me question are my standards too high??????????????

Ever get that? Suggestions?

 

[zekko]

I do believe I need to improve my self esteem.

You think that you're fit.
You think that you're doing well financially.
You've just described yourself in a positive way.
How do you have poor self esteem?

You've had flings with women, but don't respect them.
Sounds like your issues are more with other people than yourself.

 

[backbreaker]

take a break from this site.

seriously.


this place is GREAT, but when you start walking around thinking that all women, as in every last one of them are nothing more than scum bag cheating ****s who don't have anything to offer... that type of attitude is just as unattractive as being an AFC, which is very ironic if you sit back and think about it and at that point you are no better than a feminist.


I like at being an AFC like being an alcohoilc or a drug addict, which I am even to this day. I just so happen to not have used drugs in coming close to a decade. But that does not mean, that i am "cured". To this day, this morning when i got up, there are a few forums i read, a few articles, i do something related to drug addiction every day, because if i do not, i can very well believe that i have beat drugs and once that come i might be foolish enough to try tme again. I believe that if i do not help out around here, if i do not remind myself of the patheticness that used to be backbreaker, i will be coming home one day with a box of chcoloates getting ready to sing a poem i wrote while at starbucks only to find my wife getting gangbanged.

But,t here are times when you need scheduled breaks to keep things in perspective. There was a point in time where I started thinking people who were not in AA, clean or not, drug addict or alcoholic or not lol, were not "living a good life". Sounds silly, but believe you me there are alot of AA folk that have that mentaly, they are quite snobbish about their way of life. You know what at that point, it's time for a break.

Also you are putting too much emphasis, as Colossus mentioned, on the woman in the first place. It shouldn't ever IMHO be that serious.

I've never hit that point. I got to a point, ironically right before i met my now wife, that, dating just wasn't a big deal anymore (and ironically that was at the time when i had NO problem finding dates, i had more of a scheduling problem than anything). I got to a point where I went out just to do something, just to entertainment myself, not to find a woman. There is a huge difference. Which again ironically, seems to reel them in like no body's business when you take that attitude, but that was not my intent. It really just had gotten old, the ever ending pursuit of women. But at that point i got enjoyment just out of setting goals, trying new things, going new places, doing exciting stuff, living life, then maybe cap off my day with a nice dinner with a nice chick and maybe some sex.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I got to a point where I went out just to do something, just to entertainment myself, not to find a woman. There is a huge difference. Which again ironically, seems to reel them in like no body's business when you take that attitude

Yep.

 

[romangod]

I got to a point where I went out just to do something, just to entertainment myself, not to find a woman. There is a huge difference. Which again ironically, seems to reel them in like no body's business when you take that attitude

Yep.

Exactly. If a lot of the chumps here did the opposite of what they're doing to get women they'd get more than they bargained for. It's like that episode of Seinfeld where the loser George Costanza does everything opposite of his instincts and everything falls his way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKUvKE3bQlY


Cheers!

 

[st_99]

I believe that if i do not help out around here, if i do not remind myself of the patheticness that used to be backbreaker, i will be coming home one day with a box of chcoloates getting ready to sing a poem i wrote while at starbucks only to find my wife getting gangbanged.

.

I like this idea of maintenance. Like most rewarding things in life (business, sports, girls, etc), after a lot of hard work, its very easy to have a long stretch of success and think that you FIGURED IT OUT and now you CANT LOSE. That’s bullsh!t. Any highly sought after competitive endeavour in business, sports or pretty women, if you don't have a maintenance regime you can easily slip into downward spiral that could be devastating.

Good stuff.

 

[backbreaker]

i get people that laugh at my post count, but i have been here long enough where i thought i "got it" in my early 20's because i had a GF and had some other women interested only to 6 months later have my GF sneaking in the house at 4am after taking it in the bum. The entire time I, i knew exactly what was happening and i knew why it was happening and i said to myself "those mofo's were right" all night long. never again.

i don't come here everyday but you have to have maintenance. even when i wasn't posting here in my break i came by a few days a week and read posts.

 

[Romjuan]

Heretolearn,

I found this thread shopping. I am the same age as you and your post is EXACTLY what im going thru. Id also like to add, I started thinking my friends and people around me were changing. Like all my friends got into relationships and stopped going out. The sad part too is that they dont hang out anymore, they are all about their girlfriends and go out with their gf's friends.

Like I said, your situation is dead on with mine. I guess I need to take a vacation/adventure because it has been over a year since I have gone on one.