Regarding last name (marriage)

[Nimm]

I was watching the latest Sherlock Holms with my gf, and in the start of the movie Watson (Sherlock`s partner) gets married, and yadda yadda, and they become Mr. and Mrs Watson. I then asked my gf if we hypothetically got married would she take my last name or use both last names.
She repelid neither, she doesn`t think my last name would fit with her name,
however the kids would get both names "though"

Is this becomeing normal?
What is the flippin point of getting married then?

 

[zekko]

I talk to a lot of women at work, and sometimes I overhear their conversations. I don't think this controversy over changing their names is uncommon at all. Quite a few women seem to resent having to change their names if they want to get married. A lot of "Why should I have to do this?" attitudes. Some want to keep their maiden names as a tribute to their deceased father or whatever.

The days where girls find it an honor to take their husband's name are probably coming to a close. Of course, as a guy, I would take it as an insult if my fiance didn't want to take my name.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Just heard today about a dude in my town who took his wife's name when they got married.
That's some fvcked up, pvssy boy sh1t.

 

[Colossus]

I can only tell you, beware of this woman. She has a chip on her shoulder regarding gender dynamics and it will come into play during your life with her. I see a future of power struggles and high potential for eventual divorce with her "taking everything she has a right to", which is everything.

Wise advice. I second this.

My views on marriage aside, I would be VERY wary of a woman who wouldn't take my name. Not because of some macho pride thing, but it signifies to me she is leaning a bit too much to the entitlement side. A wife---in my opinion---needs to be submissive to a degree. Ideally you will both support each other, but I think the husband should lead in most of the bigger matters.

My uncle is a former civil engineer turned pastor some time ago. His advice to his daughter's now-husband?? "You better be willing to lead, because if you don't, she will fill that void".

 

[backbreaker]

The point of marriage is not to change the name. It's about companionship. Which has nothing to do with her last name.

I personally could care less about her last name. When I was married my wife didn't take my name. She was a high school principal and had a successful baking business. Her name was already out there and prosperous. If you've already made a name for yourself...why change it?

Anyway, I would ONLY marry a woman who is my equal (I couldn't stand to be around anyone else for such long periods of time) and anyone my equal is proud of their name and family and wouldn't want to change it.

My daughter has my last name so I bow to tradition somewhat.

my mother is the same way. she sales self employed insurance and has thousands of cards and flyers up around the state. changing her last name was not a very prudent thing to do so she did not.

i really could have cared less if my wife took m y last name (she did) but my son that was not up for discussion.

 

[Warrior74]

my mother is the same way. she sales self employed insurance and has thousands of cards and flyers up around the state. changing her last name was not a very prudent thing to do so she did not.

i really could have cared less if my wife took m y last name (she did) but my son that was not up for discussion.

You can still keep a professional name and change your name legally. I know women who have done it. Especially if their business is their name.

Nope. If get married. My wife takes my name. It's not even an option. Not even the moving their last name to their middle name. No middle ground. Take it serious as I do, because I just put my freaking life in your hands (with divorce rates and all that jazz), the least you can do is take my damn name.

Me and my ex girl weren't married but I was gonna be damned if my daughter didn't have my last night. She tried to bring up that "we're not married" card. I told her, she's my daughter. She'll have my name until she gets married. It was no room for debate.

 

[zekko]

Danger, I'm in the midwest US.

I guess if I married a movie star who had a famous name, or something like that, I could see her wanting to keep it. After all, changing her name is just one of those social conventions pickup gurus are always complaining about, right?

But I still wouldn't like it. Like Warrior says, you can always keep your professional name and change your real name. It represents her joining your family. It's kind of a submissive thing, because it's placing you at the head of the family, and not her. No wonder women question the idea in this feminist environment. It's surprising they aren't trying harder to wipe this out, when you stop to think about it.

 

[Burroughs]

in the last 5 years I'm counting 22 friends who were married...in 19 of those cases the wife did the hyphenate or refused to take the husbands name...I wonder if the wives stopped giving BJs as well

Why would any man want a woman who doesn't get turned on and wet by submitting to him in every way that counts...then again I suppose such a statement would be seen as 'sexist' by the legions of white knights (all the while she's banging the local powerlifter at the nearby gym)

 

[Atom Smasher]

Using a hyphenated name after marriage is a public declaration of defiance.

I would never, in a million years marry a woman who was not HAPPY to take my name. I've never once seriously dated a woman (even from early years) who wouldn't love to take my name.

Deep, deep down a woman can't be fulfilled unless submitted to her man. She may have internal conflicts going on because of the ridiculous trends of the day she picks up from the media, but when push comes to shove she has a need to submit.

One of the first acts of submission is taking her man's name. Any woman who is unwilling to do so has swallowed feminism hook line and sinker and many other points of contention will develop in the future with her.

As an aside, I've noticed that when girls fall in love with me they like to call me by my last name. A couple of you here know what it is (let's keep that a secret). But it tells me that they really like to say the name and that they would be happy to have it. The name is very unique sounding and they find it fun to say, but I know they are thinking of putting their first name in front of it.

 

[Nimm]

FairShake i know my view sounded very simple, however it was not my intent to make it seem that marriage was only about changing last name...

But, as some others seem to agree on. I would never marry this woman if she didn`t take on my last name, sure she could keep hers as a middel name, but to me Mr.X and Mrs.Y sounds wrong if you`re married. (no offense)

 

[Burroughs]

So let's assume that you've decided to marry a girl. She's submissive to you in all the right ways, . You've found a woman who fits well into your life and have decided you'd like to tie the knot with her.

if she is 'submissive in all the right ways' one of the main ways to show this would be to take my name...if later she decides she doesn't want my name then she is no longer submissive in all the right ways...

marriage is off

remember many women appear to be one way BEFORE a marriage then change radically AFTER a marriage now that their provisioning imperatives has been met (ch-ching$$)

our rule as men to be ever vigilant for the slightest inkling of feminism and leave the woman following the first sign of strident feminism; like a termite infestation from a house inspection before closing.

 

[easun]

There is a reason females take the last name of the man. I would simply refuse to marry any woman who did not take my last name. You should do the same. Can you imagine the future of this country with females running the show? I personally would see that as a tragedy (and it likely *would* end in tragedy). Don't start with your own marriage. Don't give in.

 

[Atom Smasher]

So let's assume that you've decided to marry a girl. She's submissive to you in all the right ways, she's beautiful, she's cool, she's got soul, your family likes her, and the sex is great. You've found a woman who fits well into your life and have decided you'd like to tie the knot with her.

For argument's sake let's also assume that the subject of taking your last name hasn't come up until after she said "yes" to marriage. She tells you simply that she prefers to keep her surname. No feminist patriarchy arguments, no self righteousness, no offense given to you or your family.

Again, for argument's sake, you WANT to get married and have kids - that's your goal. You've qualified this woman up and down and you'd love to have and raise kids with her. But you want her to take YOUR name. (The kids' names aren't an issue.)

Try to remember it's hypothetical...but be honest:

What do you do? Do you Next her?

Couldn't happen. I establish important things like this far in advance of popping the question. It would be exceedingly rare that a women would display all the traits you mention and still insist on keeping her name.

But the bottom line is that it is our job to lay out our expectations well in advance.

 

[AW1983]

Using a hyphenated name after marriage is a public declaration of defiance.

I would never, in a million years marry a woman who was not HAPPY to take my name. I've never once seriously dated a woman (even from early years) who wouldn't love to take my name.

Deep, deep down a woman can't be fulfilled unless submitted to her man. She may have internal conflicts going on because of the ridiculous trends of the day she picks up from the media, but when push comes to shove she has a need to submit.

One of the first acts of submission is taking her man's name. Any woman who is unwilling to do so has swallowed feminism hook line and sinker and many other points of contention will develop in the future with her.

As an aside, I've noticed that when girls fall in love with me they like to call me by my last name. A couple of you here know what it is (let's keep that a secret). But it tells me that they really like to say the name and that they would be happy to have it. The name is very unique sounding and they find it fun to say, but I know they are thinking of putting their first name in front of it.

Beautifully stated and absolutely true. A girl who is in love with you will be falling all over herself to take your last name, and I have a bit of an unusual one that doesn't really flow after almost any first name out there. But it's been my experience they (the good ones) would still love to have it.

I mean come on fellas, you're promising her life long fidelity and stability and she can't even do that one little thing for YOU? :trouble:

 

[scrouds]

So let's assume that you've decided to marry a girl. She's submissive to you in all the right ways, she's beautiful, she's cool, she's got soul, your family likes her, and the sex is great. You've found a woman who fits well into your life and have decided you'd like to tie the knot with her.

For argument's sake let's also assume that the subject of taking your last name hasn't come up until after she said "yes" to marriage. She tells you simply that she prefers to keep her surname. No feminist patriarchy arguments, no self righteousness, no offense given to you or your family.

Again, for argument's sake, you WANT to get married and have kids - that's your goal. You've qualified this woman up and down and you'd love to have and raise kids with her. But you want her to take YOUR name. (The kids' names aren't an issue.)

Try to remember it's hypothetical...but be honest:

What do you do? Do you Next her?

She can hem and haw all she wants. My word is final, and when I get to a point where the discussion is over, that's it. No more discussion, no more talking about it. My way or the highway.

A marriage is like a ship. The woman is the XO, second in command, a very valuable member of the team. But the man is the captain, and in the end what he says goes.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Nimm,
Take care Dear Boy,Red lights are Flashing....Please tread carefully and Don't progress matters any further...this was a Freudian slip and she will gradually let more little glimses into her philosophy slip,as the affable veneer starts to become less comfortable.

 

[amoka]

I won't be troubled if my wife don't take my last name. What troubled me was the OP's girlfriend's response. I hope you highly consider advises provided you here regarding this woman.

 

[typical]

I had thought this sort of thing with names had peaked in the 90's. I still do as I am seeing less of it, perhaps it depends on your location though.

To answer your question, it is something that overall was becoming more common, but I would never consider it "normal" as it is a form of aggression taken on by the woman.

I can only tell you, beware of this woman. She has a chip on her shoulder regarding gender dynamics and it will come into play during your life with her. I see a future of power struggles and high potential for eventual divorce with her "taking everything she has a right to", which is everything.

My advice, end it now and find a woman to marry, not a man masquerading as a woman.

I have to second this, yes we judge by actions but sometimes a few little words can reveal much greater truths about a persons real intent.

 

[godofanxiety]

wtf, I couldn't care less about what name she chooses to take. It's not like it's any reliable sign of her character. If I were a woman and I liked my last name I'd have kept it. I don't like people who are slaves to tradition or have fragile egos, regardless of gender.

 

[Atom Smasher]

She can hem and haw all she wants. My word is final, and when I get to a point where the discussion is over, that's it. No more discussion, no more talking about it. My way or the highway.

A marriage is like a ship. The woman is the XO, second in command, a very valuable member of the team. But the man is the captain, and in the end what he says goes.

Perfectly stated.

A women going into marriage who refuses to take your last name is publically declaring co-captianship of the vessel. We must always remember that women were not built to lead, but to be led.

This in no way diminishes the worth of a woman. To the contrary, it allows her freedom to live to her fullest potential because she is doing what she was built to do, namely to be led and to nurture.

Every time I see a check from a family that has the wife's name first, or hyphenated, or both, I can't help but think what a wuss-bag the husband is.