Refusing to be the friend. It WORKS

[ApocalypseCow]

Hey guys,

Well, I recently learned the virtue of refusing the LJBF line.

I met a girl online a couple months ago. Let's call her Jen. She was very cute, and VERY into me. We went out twice, and on the second date things got pretty...physical. Anyway, I wanted to set up another date, but she said she was getting "serious" with another guy. Since I lived an hour away and this other guy lived 5 minutes away from her, she said he was more "convenient."

Now, I was sufficiently skilled in the ways of the DJ to not even be offended. It's amazing how things can just roll off your back when you have other options! Anyway, Jen IM'ed me and kept asking, "Can we still be friends?" My answer was basically: No. I said, "You are a nice girl, but I want a dating relationship. I want to spend my energy on the girls that I'm dating. But if you ever break up with your boyfriend, drop me a line and we can hang out."

Well, cut to two weeks ago. Her BF had left her home alone one night while he went to some company function that he didn't want to bring her to. She IM'ed me (she has initiated all the IM's!), and I kidded her a little bit about how great her BF was to leave her home alone. Then I signed off (I've also always been the one to sign off first!).

A couple days pass, and she tells me she has broken up with her bf! And of course, she asks many questions hinting at my availability. She asked if I was seeing anyone, and if I was still using Match.com (she also started her IM with "Hey Handsome ).

Anyway, I told her maybe I'd give her a call sometime, which got a good response out of her. I'm gonna wait another weekend and then try to set up a Thursday night date.

The Moral Of This Story
If I had acted as her emotional tampon for the last 3 months, there is NO WAY she'd be interested in going out with me again. In my old AFC days, I would have been like a pathetic puppy dog. But that was in the past. I think I handled this situation just right: I stopped our dating on amicable terms and left the door open, but made it perfectly clear that she should only see me as a potential BF and nothing more.

Do any of you guys have any advice on where to take it from here? I've learned A LOT since I went out with this chick the first time, so I think I'm even more equipped now that I have my second shot.

 

[GynecologyEnthusiast]

That's cool, dude.

But I predict that she hasn't broken up with her boyfriend and that she is just stringing you along for the attention.

Lots of girls can't help it. They're wired that way.

Hope I'm wrong.

 

[Bungo Pony]

Jen IM'ed me and kept asking, "Can we still be friends?" My answer was basically: No. I said, "You are a nice girl, but I want a dating relationship. I want to spend my energy on the girls that I'm dating. But if you ever break up with your boyfriend, drop me a line and we can hang out."

Ah, the returning fox! Good Job

What to do now? Fvck her till she can't cvm no more.

 

[Lone_raider]

I've thought of doing the same thing as you next time I get LJBF'd! If for some reason the girl I just started dating gives me an LJBF line because she likes old 3rd wheel more. I'm going to tell her no, I can't be friends with you, I want relationships with women not friendships.

And if this does occur, I hope the results turn out like yours did! Great story, thanks for sharing, and a great result!

 

[mahon83050]

That is a good idea and this is the way I will see things for now on:

1.) Be friends with a chick ONLY: If you already have a g/f or if she has a b/f. or if you are not physically attracted to her

2.) If you meet a chick, you are attracted to, make a move with in the first few times of knowing her.

3.) If you make a move with an attractive chick and get shot down either walk away and cut contact or remain friends with her and use her as social proof to help you score with other chicks.

#3 is a tough one, because (if you remain friends) it will be tough on you when some other ******* hits on her and scores!

 

[ApocalypseCow]

Originally posted by GynecologyEnthusiast
That's cool, dude.

But I predict that she hasn't broken up with her boyfriend and that she is just stringing you along for the attention.

Lots of girls can't help it. They're wired that way.

Hope I'm wrong.

You could be right. I'm certainly keeping my eyes wide open, since I haven't forgotten that this is a girl that chose another guy over me (I'm not bitter at all...just cautious).

But I'm fairly certain that she has broken up with her boyfriend. Her Match.com profile was inactive for MONTHS, and now I see she's active every 24 hours or so (I'm not stalking...just waiting to see if she posts new pics ).

I'll keep you guys updated.

 

[Rocko]

bump

 

[IsiMan84]

That is a good idea and this is the way I will see things for now on:

1.) Be friends with a chick ONLY: If you already have a g/f or if she has a b/f. or if you are not physically attracted to her

2.) If you meet a chick, you are attracted to, make a move with in the first few times of knowing her.

3.) If you make a move with an attractive chick and get shot down either walk away and cut contact or remain friends with her and use her as social proof to help you score with other chicks.

#3 is a tough one, because (if you remain friends) it will be tough on you when some other ******* hits on her and scores!

I only agree with the 3rd part of #1, all of #2, and the first part of #3.

Why?

1) It's harder to get out of the LJBF zone than never being in it in the first place, and besides even if she did break up with her boyfriend or you your girlfriend, you are still in the friend zone and would have to get out. Therefore I would say only be friends if you never want to get with her in the near future.

3) If you agree to being friends she's going to tell her friends you're a 'nice guy' or basically LJBF material, and you will be treated as such. You're better off having things go not so well or neutral, and one of her friends may think she can do a better job with you. In any situation, the only girls who try to pull a "hoes before bros" on their friends are the ones who can't get any. Notice the fat chick is almost always the designated "we came together, we leave together" advocate.