Reflections on the first girl I pursued…

[bmp2cpm]

Long post but I guarantee there are some pearls of wisdom here. As I get older, I reflect on my past actions. I share this in case it may help someone someday.

• For most of my life, I have looked at the first girl I pursued as one giant failure. I believe I did everything wrong.
• Never even kissed this girl! It was the 1990s and the media was pushing how deadly HIV was at the time.

Let’s go over what 19-year old me did:

• Went straight out and told I liked her, of course not directly but by sneaking a note in her backpack.
• She did what most college girls do and told me she had a “boyfriend”. I didn’t care and remained her friend. There was a brief pause.
• At 20 I found out her birthday and surprised her on her birthday with a gift on the subway as she was studying for a test.
• I also found out her last name and found her address in the phonebook (yes I am old). Instead of asking her out, I had roses delivered to her at the beginning of spring break and got to date her on spring break. Her mom was surprised the roses were for her daughter.
• We saw each other on the subway every day and went out every spring break.
• I graduated a year before her and was making real money, had roses delivered to her again asking her to go on vacation to Hawaii with me for spring break. She declined. I ghosted after that.
• Then her graduation came, she reached out and I was her date for every single activity every day for a whole week. Last time I ever saw her.

Problem was she was intent on joining the Navy for their advanced training program. Last thing I wanted was to be with a girl who was deployed on an aircraft carrier for 6-months at a time that was predominantly resided by men.

I told her never to contact me again. About a year later I caved and contacted her. We talked and emailed a bit.

Then I got married to someone whose career better aligned with mine. Then the girl got married about a year later.

Here’s the punchline: I am her high score guy!

She reached out to me on social media I accepted but ignored her for years. I recently congratulated her on work anniversary and she keeps chatting with me.

All these years I thought I did everything wrong, but in reflection I did most everything right. Still have no plans to ever kiss her.

In reflection, here’s what my younger self did right:

1. Not cared when she brought up the fake boyfriend.
2. Cut off contact with her every time she did something I didn’t like.
3. Listened and remembered to everything she ever said (for some reason I can’t seem to do that with my wife in present day but I try)
4. Used romantic acts at key time points
5. Generally just did not cared if I was with her or not.
6. Stuck to my guns and focused on my career. She wanted me to join the Navy and follow her around the world. No way, no how.

What’s the point of all this? The point is I bet for many of you there is a girl you think you completely failed with but in reality you are her high-score man. The point is to not be so hard on yourself. You probably did better than you remember!