Reentering the SMP at 40+

[Orbitron]

Hi all, just a brief history of how I was force-fed a particularly bitter tasting Red Pill to begin with; was married for 11 years and inevitably the sex dried up and despite voicing my frustrations, nothing changed so eventually left my wife and child for another woman. Spent 3 tumultuous years with this girl before she went travelling for what was supposed to be 3 months, when she left we were still very much a couple and happy or so I thought.

Around 2 months into her trip, contact had dwindled away to nothing so I called her out on it and basically got a brief and cryptic Dear John text and that was it - never heard or saw from her again so was forced to hit the books and find out what went wrong.

It's now so obvious to me that I was the typical beta niceguy and didn't maintain firm boundaries with her etc - I wasn't a complete doormat but give a woman an inch and she'll take the whole ****ing atlas

Been single now for two years since this and read 200+ books on all kinds of **** in an effort to better understand inter-sexual dynamics and indeed human beings at large and I'm currently reading "Sex at Dawn" which is absolutely fascinating.

In all honesty I'm pretty happy and content with my life - got a good job that I love, get to regularly see my daughter still and I have free time to pursue my own interests also - reading and iron being the two big ones.

I don't know about other guys out there but personally I seem to vacillate between wanting female company (not necessarily a GF as such) and just wanting to be left alone. Since my Red Pill epiphany, I've had more variety and action with the hottest women I've ever had in my life but I seem to get bored very quickly and just jog them on and I don't seem to have any desire for emotional intimacy.

So I guess my quezzie is this; is emotional distance just par for the course with the Red Pill or in your estimation, is there still some unresolved **** going on that I need to work on?

Would love to hear from other guys around my age regarding their entering the dating scene in their 40's...

 

[highSpeed]

Hi all, just a brief history of how I was force-fed a particularly bitter tasting Red Pill to begin with; was married for 11 years and inevitably the sex dried up and despite voicing my frustrations, nothing changed so eventually left my wife and child for another woman. Spent 3 tumultuous years with this girl before she went travelling for what was supposed to be 3 months, when she left we were still very much a couple and happy or so I thought.

Around 2 months into her trip, contact had dwindled away to nothing so I called her out on it and basically got a brief and cryptic Dear John text and that was it - never heard or saw from her again so was forced to hit the books and find out what went wrong.

It's now so obvious to me that I was the typical beta niceguy and didn't maintain firm boundaries with her etc - I wasn't a complete doormat but give a woman an inch and she'll take the whole ****ing atlas

Been single now for two years since this and read 200+ books on all kinds of **** in an effort to better understand inter-sexual dynamics and indeed human beings at large and I'm currently reading "Sex at Dawn" which is absolutely fascinating.

In all honesty I'm pretty happy and content with my life - got a good job that I love, get to regularly see my daughter still and I have free time to pursue my own interests also - reading and iron being the two big ones.

I don't know about other guys out there but personally I seem to vacillate between wanting female company (not necessarily a GF as such) and just wanting to be left alone. Since my Red Pill epiphany, I've had more variety and action with the hottest women I've ever had in my life but I seem to get bored very quickly and just jog them on and I don't seem to have any desire for emotional intimacy.

So I guess my quezzie is this; is emotional distance just par for the course with the Red Pill or in your estimation, is there still some unresolved **** going on that I need to work on?

Would love to hear from other guys around my age regarding their entering the dating scene in their 40's...

First off, quezzie? In all seriousness, do you talk like that in real life? I hope not, as that might be part of your problem. Not trying to be mean but that jumped out at me. As far as being distant, perhaps that is simply your personality type. Perhaps you need to find a woman who is ok with that and/or like that herself. If you try to date a clingy woman, it's never going to work anyway.

I think one of the big things with women, I'm 44 by the way, that I've learned over the years is that they seem to go back and forth between clingy and wanting their own space. They want all the trappings that come with a relationship but want to do very little to maintain it. That's ok I guess, as long as you are not tied to them. They start cutting you off and putting less time into you, move on, tough to do though, if you're financially tied to them and/or you have kids with them.

I know a lot of the guys on here are going to hit you with leading, alpha, all that crap but honestly, it's exhausting thinking that I constantly have to be in control to get someone to want to be with me. I'm not sure how that differs from having money or power and having some arm candy with you. As long as you have the goods, they're there. The minute you don't, they're gone. It's the same way with most LTRs and marriages, so what's the difference.

Make sure you get what you need and if you can fulfill them along the way a bit, go for it.

 

[Alvafe]

First off, quezzie? In all seriousness, do you talk like that in real life? I hope not, as that might be part of your problem. Not trying to be mean but that jumped out at me. As far as being distant, perhaps that is simply your personality type. Perhaps you need to find a woman who is ok with that and/or like that herself. If you try to date a clingy woman, it's never going to work anyway.

I think one of the big things with women, I'm 44 by the way, that I've learned over the years is that they seem to go back and forth between clingy and wanting their own space. They want all the trappings that come with a relationship but want to do very little to maintain it. That's ok I guess, as long as you are not tied to them. They start cutting you off and putting less time into you, move on, tough to do though, if you're financially tied to them and/or you have kids with them.

I know a lot of the guys on here are going to hit you with leading, alpha, all that crap but honestly, it's exhausting thinking that I constantly have to be in control to get someone to want to be with me. I'm not sure how that differs from having money or power and having some arm candy with you. As long as you have the goods, they're there. The minute you don't, they're gone. It's the same way with most LTRs and marriages, so what's the difference.

Make sure you get what you need and if you can fulfill them along the way a bit, go for it.

and here is where you are not understanding how it goes, its never control the woman, is to control yourself, screen and make her know with the way you do things,when she is not behaving you will kick her out and replace her

 

[Orbitron]

First off, quezzie? In all seriousness, do you talk like that in real life? I hope not, as that might be part of your problem. Not trying to be mean but that jumped out at me

Bit of a blanket judgement I'd suggest; a girl I dated last Monday said I'm very well spoken, intelligent and articulate and even used the word "posh" in reference to my speech. I'm originally from the home counties in the UK so I flatter myself when I'd posit that to others from around the globe I possibly sound similar to James Bond - make of that what you will.

I used to be a big softy when it came to women as like all Blue Pill guys, I was brought up to be nice, respectful and supplicating towards women but that is one belief that gets flushed pretty quickly when you really start to digest the Red Pill and you start to see repellent niceguy beta traits in others around you in their dealings with women and it makes you cringe when you recall yourself doing exactly the same stuff and wonder why it never worked out how you imagined it would.

I think one of the things that has made the biggest difference is the cultivation of the indifferent attitude towards women; on more than one occasion I've had girls walking away due to my apparent lack of interest and my default response is "Sorry you feel that way, call me if you change your mind" - usually get a call within a few days asking to "meet for coffee"

The biggest peeve for me currently is flaking - getting numbers and never hearing back from them; I realise this is to be expected due to the duplicitous nature of women but no less annoying all the same. One strategy I've employed with regards to this is adopting the attitude that it's not a done deal until it's a done deal as it were.

 

[highSpeed]

and here is where you are not understanding how it goes, its never control the woman, is to control yourself, screen and make her know with the way you do things,when she is not behaving you will kick her out and replace her

I'm not suggesting controlling the woman, I said that's some of the advice he's going to get. I want to do what I want and she's into it, down with it and wants to come along, great, if not, move one. Life's too short to try and sell someone else constantly on what I'm doing and want to do.

 

[highSpeed]

Bit of a blanket judgement I'd suggest; a girl I dated last Monday said I'm very well spoken, intelligent and articulate and even used the word "posh" in reference to my speech. I'm originally from the home counties in the UK so I flatter myself when I'd posit that to others from around the globe I possibly sound similar to James Bond - make of that what you will.

I used to be a big softy when it came to women as like all Blue Pill guys, I was brought up to be nice, respectful and supplicating towards women but that is one belief that gets flushed pretty quickly when you really start to digest the Red Pill and you start to see repellent niceguy beta traits in others around you in their dealings with women and it makes you cringe when you recall yourself doing exactly the same stuff and wonder why it never worked out how you imagined it would.

I think one of the things that has made the biggest difference is the cultivation of the indifferent attitude towards women; on more than one occasion I've had girls walking away due to my apparent lack of interest and my default response is "Sorry you feel that way, call me if you change your mind" - usually get a call within a few days asking to "meet for coffee"

The biggest peeve for me currently is flaking - getting numbers and never hearing back from them; I realise this is to be expected due to the duplicitous nature of women but no less annoying all the same. One strategy I've employed with regards to this is adopting the attitude that it's not a done deal until it's a done deal as it were.

Can't speak to the James Bond stuff but if you speak like that in the states, you're going to get a lot of weird looks, bottom line. Not sure how that'd play out in Britain, perhaps that stuff works there. Time honored traditions don't cling to the popular buzz words or slang words, if you have that panache, women will realize it. Sounds like you're part way there. Flaking, I suppose it's more of a sign of the times these days, so it has to be a numbers game. The higher the count, the less that flaking will matter.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Hi all, just a brief history of how I was force-fed a particularly bitter tasting Red Pill to begin with; was married for 11 years and inevitably the sex dried up and despite voicing my frustrations, nothing changed so eventually left my wife and child for another woman. Spent 3 tumultuous years with this girl before she went travelling for what was supposed to be 3 months, when she left we were still very much a couple and happy or so I thought.

Around 2 months into her trip, contact had dwindled away to nothing so I called her out on it and basically got a brief and cryptic Dear John text and that was it - never heard or saw from her again so was forced to hit the books and find out what went wrong.

It's now so obvious to me that I was the typical beta niceguy and didn't maintain firm boundaries with her etc - I wasn't a complete doormat but give a woman an inch and she'll take the whole ****ing atlas

Been single now for two years since this and read 200+ books on all kinds of **** in an effort to better understand inter-sexual dynamics and indeed human beings at large and I'm currently reading "Sex at Dawn" which is absolutely fascinating.

In all honesty I'm pretty happy and content with my life - got a good job that I love, get to regularly see my daughter still and I have free time to pursue my own interests also - reading and iron being the two big ones.

I don't know about other guys out there but personally I seem to vacillate between wanting female company (not necessarily a GF as such) and just wanting to be left alone. Since my Red Pill epiphany, I've had more variety and action with the hottest women I've ever had in my life but I seem to get bored very quickly and just jog them on and I don't seem to have any desire for emotional intimacy.

So I guess my quezzie is this; is emotional distance just par for the course with the Red Pill or in your estimation, is there still some unresolved **** going on that I need to work on?

Would love to hear from other guys around my age regarding their entering the dating scene in their 40's...

I think emotional distance is normal to some degree. Once you really take the red pill, nothing ever looks the same again, especially women.

I’m still capable of loving a woman, but it’s different now. I understand that they Love opportunistically. I know that she “loves” me for what I bring to the table, how I look, the perceived status that I have in her eyes. And while she might say that she loves me unconditionally, I know better.

The naive, starry eyed young man I once was is gone. He’s been replaced by a more hardened man who sees women for what they truly are, what they aren’t, and what they are capable of, given the right circumstances.

-Augustus-

 

[Orbitron]

Can't speak to the James Bond stuff but if you speak like that in the states, you're going to get a lot of weird looks, bottom line. Not sure how that'd play out in Britain, perhaps that stuff works there. Time honored traditions don't cling to the popular buzz words or slang words, if you have that panache, women will realize it. Sounds like you're part way there. Flaking, I suppose it's more of a sign of the times these days, so it has to be a numbers game. The higher the count, the less that flaking will matter.

I sure don't use the current vernacular day to day in fact I haven't a clue what a lot of it means - fleek and peng for example...sounds like the gibberish of a madman!

 

[Spaz]

If you're emotionally on par with women then you've just another chick.

What separates the men from the boys is the ability to be emotionally detached and act accordingly.