Reassure my actions...please

[JoeRockkhead]

Fellas,

Help me out please. I've been caught up in the friend zone, and I knew better but let it happen anyway. That's not really the issue. The issue is that I have done what I need to do for myself and it hurts like hell...here's the short story:

...I've got this friend who is a single mom, a really HOT single mom! She works evenings and I offered to help her out for a week or two until she was able to find a babysitter...that week has just turned into 5 months...I just graduated college and while I was in school I watched her boy for her - at her house in the evenings during the week. It's like we are a family...we all do things together on the weekends...I've spent the night, (no sex, kissing, etc.) Hell I even have clothes there!

You can see where this is going...although she doesn't date anyone else...she doesn't want me (She's never said, but you can tell).

I've fallen in love with her...there, that feels better.

I have enough sence to realize that I will only get worse and I will eventually have my heart broken. So I've talked to her and said that she needs to find somebody else to watch her boy so that I can move on with my life.

She can't look me in the eye...and is super pissed at me. I know that she thinks that I am abandoning her and the boy (I take him fishing, bike riding, I go to P/T interviews at his school, I see this kid like I would see my own son if I had one.)

She has said that she doesn't know what she will do.

Help me hold on to my decision...I am trying all I can not to call her!

 

[al77]

Why is she pissed off??? You got a new job I assume, you don't have time to sit with her kids anymore. Explain it to her: I got a new job, I do not have time. bye. NEXT.

It is HER problem what she will do...not yours, why she comes to you with her problems? are you her lover or husband?
No? If yes, she is gotta love you - did you check it, does she love you? No? then call her, meet her and tell her in a very direct way: you have a new job, and do not have time anymore.
Thats it. move on and start lookin for women who like you much more than she does. In fact I see that she likes your time and your help, not you.

What is your problem? You want to help her...because.. of what? She is a single mom? There are 1000s of single moms out there.
Do some volunteering if you want, this case will not bring you anything meaningful or pleasant though.

 

[JoeRockkhead]

al77,

Hey thanks for that...I guess I just needed affirmation of what I already knew what was right...

The toughtest part of listening to wisdom is letting it guide the heart.

 

[Lost In Translation]

you are 32 ?

i am going to give you some tough love



Quote - JoeRockkhead
She works evenings and I offered to help her out for a week or two until she was able to find a babysitter


you should have offered her the chance to go out and have some fun with YOU instead

Quote - JoeRockkhead
that week has just turned into 5 months


are you insane ? slap yourself in the head

Quote - JoeRockkhead
I watched her boy for her - at her house in the evenings during the week


are you following the Micheal Jackson case ?

now you have a pissed off mother will she call the cops on you ?

hire out the movie : About A Boy starring Hugh Grant

i am sure it will become you favourite movie

Quote - JoeRockkhead
You can see where this is going...although she doesn't date anyone else


how does she get off ? bet she does see people you wouldn't know you too busy at home raising her offspring from her lifestyle

Quote - JoeRockkhead
I've fallen in love with her...there, that feels better.


slap yourself in the head

Quote - JoeRockkhead
She can't look me in the eye...and is super pissed at me


what you doing still waiting for her to call the cops or worse on you ?

can't look you in the eye ?

you should not be within 1 mile of her to see she isn't looking at you

super pissed at you ?

oh poor baby maybe we should send her a card SORRY H0E YOU GOTTA LOOK AFTER YOUR OWN CHILD AND BE ACCOUNTABLE AS HIS PARENT

i cannot believe you letting a woman treat you like this

and she thinks she has the right to " be pissed " at you ?

how much wages did she give you for babysitting ?

what were you charging her per hour ?

what sort of severence or redundancy package or golden handshake did you receive after you left her employment ?

no wonder she is pissed she had to pay you out $10,000

Quote - JoeRockkhead
She has said that she doesn't know what she will do.


she survived before you came along

she will survive after you wake up and run like hell

she is tipping you off that her small female brain is plotting and schemeing on a WAY TO TRAP YOU into staying

why this option ?

easier than replacing you

you seem to be doing a fine job raising her offspring and being her house b*tch

but when she realises she is DUMB and cannot think of a creative way to keep you

expect her to go with THREATS and INTIMIDATION

my guess is " child molester "

suttle at first then "or else i will call the cops"

Quote - JoeRockkhead
Help me hold on to my decision...I am trying all I can not to call her!


no sex from her eh ? need help about decision ?

ok think prison sex and as a child molester you will be oh so popular

RUN LIKE HELL

oh and for the record

WHAT IS HER NIGHT JOB ?



Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

Quote: Don Juanabbe
“ What are you Vanilla-bloody-Ice? “

Quote: Player_Supreme
“ But if a ho wants to just be friends then don't waste your time. And I'm a debase character so your hooking up with her friend in front of her was sweet to my ears. “

Quote: Player_Supreme
“I've taken a fat chick and put her on a diet and training program and created my own super ho. “

Quote: PuertoRican_Lover
“First off - she is just another hor who has opened her legs to another man - you are no one special - and there are no "Greatest" to hors - you are just the next pimp in line!!! “

Quote: PuertoRican_Lover
“ the 'pimp' mentality works today because you are living in a time such that there are an overabundance if hors - this is the Pimps playground!! Pimps and hors go together like bread and butter - they are complementary natures!!! Pimps need hors like hors need pimps!! “

Quote: squirrels
“ You NEVER pay as a supplicative or bargaining measure, though. The reward that she gets for her affection is YOUR affection. The reward she gets for her sex is YOUR sex. The second you start buying her stuff to keep her around, keep her entertained in your presence, etc...you're compensating for not having what it takes to seduce the woman, and that's totally unacceptable. “

 

[penkitten]

i agree that she has no right to be angry or upset at you over the babysitting .
you arent the reason she is a single mom, you have no responsibility for her or her child that is hers to own up to ,
you are not the reason she must work and you are not the reason she needs childcare.

if she needs child care, the state offers child care based on income . she needs to contact the local coordinated child care centers or social insurance .
my copay for 4 children at daycare is 47.50 a week compared to 440 a week.

did this woman know you were offering to help her because you had romantic feelings towards her? have you ever told her?

or did she feel like you were offering out of friendship?

perhaps she is confused however you did nothing wrong.

you are smart for getting out of the sticky situation.

you are a good man and a good friend for going out of your way for someone elses precious child.

if you are in love, only you can decide if you should speak up and let her know.

you would be the best thing to happen to her and her child, and she would be a fool to let you get away.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by penkitten
i agree that she has no right to be angry or upset at you over the babysitting .

if she needs child care, the state offers child care based on income . she needs to contact the local coordinated child care centers or social insurance .
my copay for 4 children at daycare is 47.50 a week compared to 440 a week.

did this woman know you were offering to help her because you had romantic feelings towards her? have you ever told her?
or did she feel like you were offering out of friendship?

You are speaking logically. She doesn't. There is a huge difference between actual situation and her and his _perception_
of it.
So I think:
1. No, she has a right be angry. It is her problem, not his. She can be angry about anything she wants.
2. Yes, teh states offerss help.. yes. Now imagine he will come and start talking about "Hmm well.. you know, the state offers some help...". She may get very angry at him.. it is like he is
trying to escape...
He should say what is real and what she can ACCEPT: I got a new job (eveyone likes new jobs), I dont have time now (eveytone know jobs take a lot of time).

3. You are right, they were not communicating...they assumed things in different ways. Now there is a time to communicate but it is loot late for both of them to fix it. They gotta leave this situation and move on: she will find child care, he - a new gf.

 

[BigDawg]

One week turned into five months? She seems to have the mindset, "Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?" She's owning you and you're letting her. Okay, I'm sure I don't know the whole story, so I could be making inaccurate assumptions, but this is what it looks like.

If you cut your losses now, it'll hurt like hell, but you'll survive. If you wait for your heart and your head to agree with each other, it might not hurt as much, but you'll miss out on getting on with your life.

My $0.02

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

DJ lost in translation broke it down for you already but I'll just say this. "ARE YOU INSANE?????" OR ARE YOU JUST LONELY??"

I take it that you are lonely and this explains your chump sensitive thinking of, "I love her and I'll try to make her love me by taking care of her child"mentality.

If she was not married and divorced then I say this,

Don't be a loser and rear a hor's offspring!!! You owe this hor nothing!!!! Tell the hor to have her husband rear the child!! She has no husnad, you say? Of course not because she is a hor and thus let her take care of her offspring that sprouted as a result of her horish actions!!!

You are 32 year's old and playing a fool -- STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You were getting paid at least $20 an hour , right??? If not, then you were her chump for five months!!!

 

[JoeRockkhead]

Wow boys...I had no idea some of you were so angry at women...I think it may be a bit harsh to start hurling insults and calling women (that you nothing of) "hors"....easy there cowboy! I thought this was a forum for men who wanted to support each other...not beat up on women. (the correct spelling would be "hores")

Maybe some of us need to realize that all women are not bad, in fact every one of you has a mother.

and another thing...a little sensitivity wouldn't hurt - do you realize that I only discovered this forum 2 days ago...I came here looking for advice and encouragement and got rail-roaded with accusations that I am an immature spineless chump...sorry I imposed my situation on you wise souls. Ask yourselves this: are those of you who felt moved to so articulately express your condemnation directing this at me or yourselves. (it's called "Projection" and it is a form of avoidance of one's own internal dialouge)

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Sorry chap, but those who know me here would take my comments as "ordinary". I should have known that you are of the sensitive type since no 32 year old man, in his right mind, would babysit another man's and hors baby for five months!!!!! This is not natural!!!!! And for a woman to get pissed for you NOT to be her 32 year old babysitter pisses me off more that you taking care of her hor offspring!!1

And yes, you are a chump for being a baby-sitter - MEN DON"T DO SHYT LIKE THIS UNLESS SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THEIR PSYCHE!!!

Why are you trying to please her so??? Oh yeah, you like her. SO WHAT!!!

Leave her alone and do what grown-up men do and start pursuing womaen romantically only!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do not become their slave and act upon their every whim - this is not manly!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leave this hor alone!!!!!!

A woman should be interested in you because of your manliness and not because of the favors you bestow upon her and how much you love her (not your) children!! Quit watching the Oprah Winfrey show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't confuse "love for truth and correction" as "hate" - your mind needs to be cleansed if you thinK this has to do with hate!! Quit being so sensitive and kick yourself in the arse for being a chump for this girl!!

WAKE UP - THE MATRIX HAS YOU!!!

FOLLOW THE PUERTO RICAN RABBIT!!!!

 

[libre]

Move on

Dear sir

I agree, move on without any remorses. You are not responsible for this woman. Sure you can be a carpet and she will walk all over you and you can thank her afterwards; however, do you really want this situation?

Do you really want to crucify yourself by continuing in this situation?

That woman is responsible for her own life and for her boy; you are not.

As for the apocalyptic scenario where that woman could allege child molestation is not that far fetched. We have seen worse around us quite a few times. I agree with this person, be wary. You never know.

Move on without a look back. For your own sake.

 

[Ricky]

You made a good choice telling her you can't do it anymore.

I wouldn't be surprised if this move ratched up her attraction. She what she might do to get you back.

The thing is I don't see any problem in letting her know that you enjoyed helping her out but lie and say there is a woman you are seeing romantically. This will provoke her jealousy, and maybe you'll at least score out of it.

That is if she had any interest in all with you that way.

This is like the worst case of the friends zone I've ever heard of.

 

[Lost In Translation]

i will answer for my post Joe go back and read it

i never called you no names.

but feel free to slap yourself in the head

Wow boys...I had no idea some of you were so angry at women

no i am not angry at women. I LOVE WOMEN.

chicks that abuse men , get them bashed , take drugs , sell themselves , use men etc etc etc...

i don't like bad b*tches

I think it may be a bit harsh to start hurling insults and calling women (that you nothing of)

work with me here Joe, read your original post and pretend that someone else wrote it

what would you think ?

what advice would you give this man ?

know nothing of her ?

you told us plenty and i am worried about you bro

MY GOD JOE ! YOU HAVE STOCKHOLM SYNDROME ( look it up )

you are now defending you captor ?

of 5 months as a hostage of YOUR LOVE FOR HER

I thought this was a forum for men who wanted to support each other

you got confirmation on what you felt to do yourself

MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE

what more can we give you after you know the truth yourself ?

Maybe some of us need to realize that all women are not bad, in fact every one of you has a mother

yes you are right. but we are not talking about all women.

we are talking about one woman.

and another thing...a little sensitivity wouldn't hurt

how would you have told your best friend Joe whose life was in danger to run away in a nicer way ?

i am the one that suggested she may say you abused the child

i am 26 but why do i seem to realise how dangerous people can be ?

not just women MEN TOO

i grew up on the streets and i still hang out on the streets

if you know her so well did you predict that she would get " pissed " at you ?

no ? wow..... then maybe you don't know her that well and know what she is capable of

what she was doing 4 years ago before you met her


i met this girl once age 21 nice as pie had a job the lot sweet as can be
i would not have had any idea that she had been a prostitute at the age of 14

if she ever had to and was in a situation that required it i honestly believe she could KILL she was that hard on the inside and been through so many very bad experiences

i have seen single mums do some VERY crazy sh1t too



i hope this situation works out for you Joe

stay strong and don't give in and go back to her

you are a free man

there are decent women out there but finding them is the tough part

i wish you all the best and hope you have success in this endeavour



Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

Quote: maddman75
“ I am the prize. I like what I see so far, so I'll give her an opportunity to show me that she's worth my time and effort. If she rejects me, she's a fool. I'll just go find the next lucky chick and let her have what this chick is throwing away. “

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Joe Stone Head, I apologize for coming off as harsh to a new member but baptism by fire is sometimes needed!

I don't like it when men are taken advantage of and voluntarily put themselves in less than masculine and moreso effeminate roles!!!

You do her a huge unimaginable favor for 5 months and she gets a nasty attitude - what doess this tell you about her as a person???????? THINK!

If you want to help then help the poor, the disenfranchised, the unwanted, the rejected!!!!

Only pursue women romantically and not as a friend as if you will endear her by bestowing favor and kindness -trust me this doesn't get chicks - live and learn!!

 

[iveyleeger]

For what it's worth, I've watched my sister use a guy this way. She is a single mother. The guy wants a kid. So she "let's him" look after her kid all the time. She also uses him to keep the ex-husband at bay, who is a bit of a wack job. But this guy is a tool. She has zero interest in him and treats him fairly badly, imo. He is wasting his life on this project.

If you want another horror story, a friend of mine is trying to get divorced. He actually had to get a restraining order b/c his ho attacked him with a cane one night when he came home from partying without her. Then she did it again and called the cops and claimed that he beat her up and a ho bag judge sided with her and threw him out and put a restraining order on him and removed hers. She is now sitting in his million dollar apt. taking an alimony and has a green card as a "battered wife". It is utter f-cking baloney. She is a total wack job and a half. But women are *extremely* crafty about using men for their needs. We are absolute lug-heads in this dept.

When I look back at the female "friends" I had in college it is clear I was nothing but a deusch bag good for whining about how insensitive their BF's were. Did they ever ask about *my* life? Were they setting me up on dates with their girlfriends? Was I getting paid for being such a great listener?

What I am most proud of is that I eventually dumped all of these ho's cold though I became buddies with some of their boyfriends. Some of those boyfriends are now husbands, and when I visit I can tell their wives want to f*ck me mostly 'cause they miss the attention. Too bad, they had their chance.

So, to conclude, there is a reason she cannot look you in the eye. Dump this wench who used you, watch out for the legal BS, and if you want a kid to look after just go knock up a woman of your own, it's gonna be a lot more rewarding, and there are a million women your age whose ovaries are practically ready to explode.