Really Confused

[Don Rooster]

So me and this girl have been at the same sports club for about a year. I like her but I've had a gf until recently. I know she is interested in me... gets really excited when I'm around, laughs at everything I say, almost idolizes me. To be honest she likes me so much it's almost a turnoff!! Now I know she is a virgin and has never really had a bf.

I am definitely not in the friendzone (trust me!!). She does have an AFC who is friendzoned at the club. I rarely give her attention. I kino A LOT, eye contact, push/pull, play hard to get etc, a bit of a jerk, she knows i'm the prize.

So, the other day I asked her out. I did it through text. I know, I know. I usually wouldn't but I wanted to try it out. She didn't text back (she ALWAYS texts back).

So next day at practise, i said to her "Check you out, playing hard to get!!"
She said "Oh sorry I couldn't think of a witty reply"
I was like wtf?? she thought I was joking!! So I told her I was serious and that we should go out and that she should let me know by tonight. She didn't.

Next day at practise, i said to her "What is it then, yes or no? come out with me and have a great time or sit at home bored on facebook" and she just avoided the question. I asked again and she changed topic.

I really don't get what's going on here guys!! Little help...

 

[Igetit!]

I really don't get what's going on here guys!! Little help...

Uhh,what do you mean you "don't get" what's going on here?

You asked her out,she didn't respond.

You asked her to let you know if she was interested by a specific time,she didn't.

You asked her out a third time,she avoided the question.

You asked her out a 4th time,and she changed the subject.

Uhh...hello? She's not interested. What else does she have to do to make her disinterest known?

You said you weren't in the friendzone. I beg to differ. If you have known this girl for over a year,and especially if there has been frequent contact between the two of you all that time,I'm sorry dude,but you're in Friendzone City.

 

[pjtheman]

It's true dude, you've been friendzoned

 

[Don Rooster]

Uhh,what do you mean you "don't get" what's going on here?

You asked her out,she didn't respond.

You asked her to let you know if she was interested by a specific time,she didn't.

You asked her out a third time,she avoided the question.

You asked her out a 4th time,and she changed the subject.

Uhh...hello? She's not interested. What else does she have to do to make her disinterest known?

You said you weren't in the friendzone. I beg to differ. If you have known this girl for over a year,and especially if there has been frequent contact between the two of you all that time,I'm sorry dude,but you're in Friendzone City.

I understand what you're saying but I'm definitely NOT in the friendzone. I'm not her friend. Just because you've known a girl for a long time DOESN'T automatically put you in the friend zone. Constantly giving her attention, supplicating, not being sexual DOES.

Also, you say she isn't interested yet I told you she definitely is. She hangs on my every word. Hell, not long ago she sent me a text message that ended with "**** me please", NOT "I love you 4ever and ever your my bestest friend sweetie xxxxxxxx mwah"

THAT is why I don't get it.

 

[Igetit!]

Just because you've known a girl for a long time DOESN'T automatically put you in the friend zone. Constantly giving her attention, supplicating, not being sexual DOES.

THAT is why I don't get it.

Well,I have to agree with what you said here.....you don't get it.

This thing you said about constantly giving her attention,supplicating,and not being sexual will cause you to fall into the friendzone...but you know what? So does familiarity.

If you've been around her for a long period of time whlie not showing your interest,you'll fall into the friendzone by default.

You don't have to do anything wrong to get friendzoned by a girl. You can simply be in her presence for a long time with doing nothing,and you'll end up there as well.

It's like baseball:Everybody knows if you swing at the ball and miss,that that's a strike. But you don't have to swing and miss to get a strike.

You can simply stand there and do nothing and let a good pitch go by without swinging. That's a strike too.

Likewise,there's more than one way to get friendzoned. Maybe you didn't get friendzoned in the way you described by supplicating,giving her too much attention,etc.

But if you've known this girl for over a year while not making your interest known,then suddnely a year later you decide to ask her out,that sound like friendzone to me. And even if you're not friendzoned,the fact that she in essence either rejected or ignored all 4 of your attempts at getting a date with her,clearly means she's not interest.

If you're waiting on her to give you a direct "no" to your question about the two of you going out,you'll have a long wait. Women rarely give direct answers...especially if the answer is no. They just do what this girl did here with you.

 

[Don Rooster]

This thing you said about constantly giving her attention,supplicating,and not being sexual will cause you to fall into the friendzone...but you know what? So does familiarity.

...But if you've known this girl for over a year while not making your interest known,then suddnely a year later you decide to ask her out,that sound like friendzone to me. And even if you're not friendzoned,the fact that she in essence either rejected or ignored all 4 of your attempts at getting a date with her,clearly means she's not interest.

If you're waiting on her to give you a direct "no" to your question about the two of you going out,you'll have a long wait. Women rarely give direct answers...especially if the answer is no. They just do what this girl did here with you.

Who said I never made my interest known? I told you I kino with her. I didn't mentioned this but I will now, a couple of months ago, I kissed her. Also, I told you I've recently broke up with my gf which should tell you why I hadn't asked her out yet. Then I also tell you that not long ago she text me asking me to **** her (interest) yet your still trying to convince me I'm in the friendzone??

I know what your getting at with the whole familiarity thing but listen.. I'm not her friend, I don't hang out with her, I rarely talk to her. She couldn't possibly be "familiar" with me.

Also, I'm not waiting for a "no". I realised the answer was no, I just don't know why.

 

[slaog]

So me and this girl have been at the same sports club for about a year. I like her but I've had a gf until recently. I know she is interested in me... gets really excited when I'm around, laughs at everything I say, almost idolizes me. To be honest she likes me so much it's almost a turnoff!! Now I know she is a virgin and has never really had a bf.

Who said I never made my interest known? I told you I kino with her. I didn't mentioned this but I will now, a couple of months ago, I kissed her. Also, I told you I've recently broke up with my gf which should tell you why I hadn't asked her out yet. Then I also tell you that not long ago she text me asking me to **** her (interest) yet your still trying to convince me I'm in the friendzone??

I know what your getting at with the whole familiarity thing but listen.. I'm not her friend, I don't hang out with her, I rarely talk to her. She couldn't possibly be "familiar" with me.

Also, I'm not waiting for a "no". I realised the answer was no, I just don't know why.

This isn't making sense at all. The only thing that does make sense is that shes not interested now. There could be many reasons why so you just need to accept it. Maybe you have misread the situation some way? Well you definetly misread it so you need to figure out the details.

 

[jophil28]

Also, I'm not waiting for a "no". I realised the answer was no, I just don't know why.

The reasonsthat you do not get what these guys are telling you are -

A) You believe in your "game" so much that you cannot see past all the standard PUA moves that you tried and have failed here.
"Game" does NOT ever succeed all the time with all women.

B) You do not underatnd one simple truth - the litmus test of a woman's IL in you is her eagerness (or reluctance ) to go out with you. A "yes " to your invite means " I am interested in you " ...any other responses indicates low or no IL.

C) A woman who does not reply to an invite is, in fact, telling you "no thanks ". Women communicate covertly and will rarely be direct and blunt enough to say "NO" .

The woman that you wrote about played you for attention and ego inflation - HERS. She achieved this by toying with you and getting you to jump through hoops in your attempts to date her. That is what she wanted from you. She wanted to see you chase her and she then enjoyed keeping you dangling at a distance. Yeah, she got what she wanted.

 

[Kevin Feng]

There are a million reasons as to why it turned out that way, maybe she found out you broke up with your g/f and maybe your g/f dissed you behind your back, I dunno, who knows.

What's more important here is that you need to figure out the best/most effective way of getting her to go out with you (day 2 I guess by PU lingo).

Usually when I get a girl back out on the second day, I try to avoid the word date or anything that implies that it's going to be a formal date. It just sets up to many expectations and usually ends up making the interaction a little too rigid. Plus, this day and age, it's more of a hook up society anyways.

Try to use "let's chill", "We should kick it sometime", etc etc, make it seem a little more informal.

If that fails, you haven't built enough comfort with her and if you feel like you'll never see her again, go direct as a last resort.

-Kevin

 

[Don Rooster]

This isn't making sense at all. The only thing that does make sense is that shes not interested now. There could be many reasons why so you just need to accept it. Maybe you have misread the situation some way? Well you definetly misread it so you need to figure out the details.

Ye I see that. It's not worth analyzing this any more. I guess I was thinking you guys could shed some light on it but obviously I know the situation better than anyone so it's unlikely. I was just a bit shocked by the rejection after such obvious interest.

jophil, everything you said is right except that I don't think she was toying with me. *blows trumpet* I'm team captain and everyone looks up to me. To be honest, she's kinda like a female AFC!!

Kevin Feng, Ye that's what I usually do. I never mention "date" because like you said it sets up a certain amount of expectation. Thanks though, I don't usually analyze anything but this took me by surprise with the obvious interest she was showing.

Like you said though, I'm gonna persist a little longer on this one. I'm going to go super jerk on her!! haha. Ignore her, cut off contact etc. When she starts pursuing then I'll build up more comfort as I think that's the most likely explanation. Especially given that she's never had a bf before (she used to be fugly - late bloomer!!), probably a bit of apprehension.

Thanks everyone.