Rapport

[guru1000]

Lets begin with the definition of rapport,

in accord, harmony, or sympathy; having a mutual, especially a private, understanding; in mesmerisml in that relation of sympathy which permits influence or communication.

The site is filled with numerous FLAKE reports and it is important to address this issue at hand.

Many of us will discuss Interest Level vs Value and the inverse relationships and it's consequence.(Myself Included)

Are we are that HUBRIS to believe we can EQUATE human interaction into a tight formula to guarantee a certain result?

There are certainly no guarantees to human behavior. There are many variables such as emotions and events that do not allow us to put dynamics into such an equation.

Yet, I have 99 percent success with avoiding flakes.

Quite a contradiction.

I personally never follow my gut 100% because the gut is programmed off of your past experiences and then measured against your current beliefs to produce a feeling. That too is variable. If you have had negative experiences in the past or if your current beliefs are skewed, the GUT may be off course.

So what is this covert tactic I practice which allows me to avoid the infamous flakage.

Rapport.

Of course my goals are different. I am not looking for a notch on my bedpost or to sleep with another xx women. That is of no challenge.

I look for one that is most compatible with myself. Now there is a challenge.

Rapport is an easy indicator of compatibility. So if great rapport is not in place from the onset, I do not call for a second date. Even if I am called, I will not continue with this incompatible girl. It's a futile waste of time. I value my time.

In others words, I will QUALIFY from the very beginning. I am COVERTLY telling her " You are being qualified to see if you are compatible. Step it up."

When there is great rapport mixed with the correct context and frame, there will be a second date.

Often if the rapport is escalated to a certain degree, the girl will initiate contact after the date.

I do not practice KINO or try to sleep with the girl on the first date. She has to EARN that right. If she proves compatible through her RAPPORT, she is rewarded with another date.

My actions are not motivated by manipulation or GAME. I am simply looking for compatiblity.

 

[slaog]

Good post Guru! What do you mean by the correct context?

 

[MotownMack]

Yet, I have 99 percent success with avoiding flakes.

I am with you on this.

I do run into girls that have low IL like any guy, but they never get a chance to make i to the category of "flaking" on me. To me, flaking would apply I gave them an opportunity of some time with me, and they in one way or another, declined (by standing me up, not following through with something, etc).

I am surprised how often I read about guys-both in online dating and in real life-you get stood up on dates and meetings, etc (not returning a run of the mill phone call, I am not sure I would consider flaking). I wonder what they're doing wrong.

I qualify the women, just like they qualify us. If there appears to be low interest, I just move on. I.e. no flaking.

 

[ketostix]

I'm going to say flakes always happen to some degree and it's not always a bad thing or the end of the world. If you're never getting flaked on then you're probably passing up opportunities at the margin, not aiming for girls at the top of your available league or at least your probably investing just as much time or more in the girl before sealing a the deal. Sometimes a woman will even flake because she is interested and you have value. It's basically impossible to never have flakes and yet never get into the friend zone.

 

[guru1000]

What do you mean by the correct context?

The context is the exchange of value from within the frame. Correct would be preferably higher.

 

[guru1000]

If you're never getting flaked on then you're probably passing up opportunities at the margin, not aiming for girls at the top of your available league or at least your probably investing just as much time or more in the girl before sealing a the deal.

An opportunity would suggest receiving a REWARD. It goes hand in hand with my NEXTing thread.

"Passing up opportunities" is the wrong context. WHO creates and WHO receives this opportunity?

The difference in our perception is clearly Scarcity vs Abundance mindset.

 

[MotownMack]

If you're never getting flaked on then you're probably passing up opportunities at the margin, not aiming for girls at the top of your available league or at least your probably investing just as much time or more in the girl before sealing a the deal. Sometimes a woman will even flake because she is interested and you have value.

Meh, you kind of have a point. It's a like a batter that swings at all the pitches, instead of just waiting for the ones that look like they can be knocked out of the park. True, if you swing at every pitch, you're bound to get some hits from some of them that didn't look so great. That's a mathematical certainty.

On the other hand, even a quality woman that you're going for should have some interest. So where I disagree with you-where you're saying swing at more pitches, I am saying get more at bats, but keep looking for pitches that look good (interest) rather than swinging at everything.

Translation: Rather than assume that you're going to have to be flaked on going for better women (which is essentially what you're saying), I say find more women and find one that has interest, rather than trying to work too hard to create interest where it seems to be relatively low.

 

[ketostix]

Meh, you kind of have a point. It's a like a batter that swings at all the pitches, instead of just waiting for the ones that look like they can be knocked out of the park. True, if you swing at every pitch, you're bound to get some hits from some of them that didn't look so great. That's a mathematical certainty.

On the other hand, even a quality woman that you're going for should have some interest. So where I disagree with you-where you're saying swing at more pitches, I am saying get more at bats, but keep looking for pitches that look good (interest) rather than swinging at everything.

Translation: Rather than assume that you're going to have to be flaked on going for better women (which is essentially what you're saying), I say find more women and find one that has interest, rather than trying to work too hard to create interest where it seems to be relatively low.

Well it's about balance. To use your analogy even the best batters strike out, and even if you go up to bat everytime not swinging can still strike you out. Bottom line is even an interested girl will flake.

 

[ketostix]

An opportunity would suggest receiving a REWARD. It goes hand in hand with my NEXTing thread.
"Passing up opportunities" is the wrong context. WHO creates and WHO receives this opportunity?

Well if there's no opportunity and therefore no potential reward then it's all a mute point. The creating and receiving of the opportunity should be mutual otherwise there's no point in involving yourself with another person.

The difference in our perception is clearly Scarcity vs Abundance mindset.

I don't know about that, but scarcity or abundance exists regardless and independently of one's perception.

 

[jophil28]

In others words, I will QUALIFY from the very beginning. I am COVERTLY telling her " You are being qualified to see if you are compatible. Step it up.".

My actions are not motivated by manipulation or GAME. I am simply looking for compatiblity.

Guru, how about a typical conversation to illustrate your method ??

 

[jophil28]

I personally never follow my gut 100% because the gut is programmed off of your past experiences and then measured against your current beliefs to produce a feeling. That too is variable. If you have had negative experiences in the past or if your current beliefs are skewed, the GUT may be off course.
-----
Jophil >>> I agree - the common belief that "you can always trust your gut" is seriously delusional thinking . I listen to my gut only as a primitive component of my internal guidance system .
"Your gut never lies " is a remnant from the crude fads which were disseminated by third rate therapists and a sad collection of "self help" experts .
MY gut has been wrong many times. Fortunately I did not act on the "messages " that it sent me until I checked the details and measured the facts that were available.
I never rely on my gut just like I do not rely on my daily Horoscope to deciding whether I will get out of bed each day..
-------

Jophil

 

[guru1000]

The creating and receiving of the opportunity should be mutual otherwise there's no point in involving yourself with another person

.

And has this CONTEXT brought you much success with women ?

I don't know about that, but scarcity or abundance exists regardless and independently of one's perception

If it exists independently, are you in ABUNDANCE currently?

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Great post, GURU!


Yes, Rapport is a very important aspect to building and sustaining interest for almost ANY type of relationship. Rapport is a direct pathway towards discovering the existence or non-existence of an underlying CORE COMPATIBILITY between two people.

Or, to attempt to flesh my point out further, and to put it yet another way:

Well balanced amounts of ATTRACTION and VALUE (especially when these two things are mutually perceived and demonstrated "by" and "between" the two people involved), often act as "hand rails" that couples tend to hold on to as they BEGIN making decisive steps towards relating to each other.

And RAPPORT often acts as the FIRM foundation that the two continue to stand upon as their relationship "escalates" in whatever direction, or towards whatever destination that they ultimately choose to agree upon.


Peace...one day.

 

[guru1000]

Guru, how about a typical conversation to illustrate your method ??

Here is a little EXCERPT from a recent third date with a HB 9.5. This one was a very tough cookie to crack. She was very witty, in her early twenties. A natural , a bit immature as I am sure her looks compensated and gave her an overinflated ego.

Just look at the dynamics at play here. It is quite interesting.

Her: I have not been on a third date in a while. Not too many guys can make it to the second date.

Me: O really, why?

Her: Just not interested in them.

Me: Interesting. Im quite the opposite. Every girl makes it to the third date with me. Very few make it to the fourth.

Her: I don't get it

Me: Well I give the girl the benefit of the doubt up to the third date. Then I either eject , give her another shot or have made up my mind.

Her: Oh, and where am I in this selection?

Me: There is no answer to that

Her: What do you mean?

Me: It is like me asking you, what is your interest level in me; even though I already know. There is no right answer. If you tell me high, I become disinterested. If you tell me low, I am insulted. It is better left unsaid.

Her: And what is my interest level in you?

Me: Better to keep me interested

Her: LOL. There is something about you that disturbs me.

Me: O really, what is that?

Her: You seem too ****y and self-centered. I don't know if there is enough room for anyone except you in there.

Me: You are right. (Always agree to reverse the qualification dynamic)

Her: O you agree?

Me: Yup, this just isn't going to work. We are too much of the same.

Her: What do you mean the same?

Me: You are just as ****y and self centered as I am. The difference is you hide it while I am upfront about it. You have been QUALIFYING me from the first date (She laughs). For you to qualify me shows a strong degree of arrogance as well. And if I was not self-centered, then you would be my center and that could never happen. The reason why this would never work is because if you and I got into an argument one day, this rapport of ours would be over. Neither of us will call.

Her: LOL

 

[edger]

I personally never follow my gut 100% because the gut is programmed off of your past experiences and then measured against your current beliefs to produce a feeling. That too is variable. If you have had negative experiences in the past or if your current beliefs are skewed, the GUT may be off course.

Very, very true. Great post. I've realized too in the past that you can't always rely on your gut.

 

[guru1000]

And RAPPORT often acts as the FIRM foundation that the two continue to stand upon as their relationship "escalates" in whatever direction, or towards whatever destination that they ultimately choose to agree upon.

Well said.

If we as MEN were to focus on RAPPORT alone as the foundation, we would realize interest level and value are simply the by-products.

 

[slaog]

Any tips on how to gain rapport or do you just have to be similar people?

 

[ketostix]

And has this CONTEXT brought you much success with women ?

Yeah. How could I consider success that wasn't rewarding really success?

If we as MEN were to focus on RAPPORT alone as the foundation, we would realize interest level and value are simply the by-products.

I think it's a two-way street, rapport is often times a byproduct of interest and value. You cannot get meaningful rapport where there is no interest or value. Rapport is just one important ingredient of interest and value.

 

[guru1000]

Yeah. How could I consider success that wasn't rewarding really success?

And how has this point of "Creating and Receiving opportunity being mutual" contributed to your success.

Are you suggesting a mutual opportunity does not require qualifying?

Please share with the community examples of your success this mindset has brought you, as I have.

 

[ketostix]

And how has this point of "Creating and Receiving opportunity being mutual" contributed to your success.

Are you suggesting a mutual opportunity does not require qualifying?

Please share with the community examples of your success this mindset has brought you, as I have.

Well I don't know that you really shown the community success that your mindset has brought you. You posted a conversation example where there was no rapport really just you breaking through her frame. Which is not bad or anything but it hardly has much to do with rapport or an abundance mentality. What you did though is demonstrate there was a reward when you said she was a "9.5" "and "hard to crack". Now if she was a 5.5 what reward would there be?

Anyway to give you an example of what I'm talking about this weekend I passed up on a sure lay with one girl because she's not slim enough for my taste and another woman because she's not young enough for my tastes. I passed up PUing on several girls that I could sense were ripe to be PU because they did not meet my standards and I didn't see it as a reward even if I got them. Instead, I'm working on a girl who I think is a 9.5 and would feel a reward from getting. And when I say 9.5 I mean out of litterally thousands of girls I've come across she's one of the top 2 or 3. If you're expecting me to give a LR from this 9.5 sorry to dissapoint you but the fact is there's no abundance of girls like this and they are very particular about who they choose.

When I hear someone in their 30's say they have an abundance of young 9.5s, I'm going to need some hard evidence before I'm going to believe we are talking about the same things. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. I don't claim to have a harem of 9's, but you do. Where are your FR, LR, and details of cold approaching? Your advice is always theorectical. You are the one making all the claims so the burden of proof is on you.