Ramblings on good relationships, sex, and so on

[Egoist]

You know, i've spent almost 6 years with one girl. I've slept with some girls before her. I've slept with some girls after her. Initially I've thought that I lost time while I was with her, that I should have been single in my early 20s and all that. Now, after being single and having the ability to do whatever I want, I realize that those years have been anything but a waste. I've been mostly happy, I've had incredible sex with a beautiful woman 100s of time, I've felt what it is like to be in and out of love, and I've learned many many things that make me a wiser person. We are over, I would never come back to her, but I now understand that it was not a waste, and that relationships can be great and beneficial. BUT THEY DON'T HAVE TO LAST FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.


Many people on here have the opinion that being in a commited relationship is an AFC move. Being in love is BS. That to be a true man you need to be independent of any woman. I've thought about this long and hard. I've read tons of books on genetics, love, psychology, etc. I've seen both sides of the coin.

The truth is that there is no real answer to this. Love is paradoxical. In reality, you can be happy being single and screwing multiple women, or you can be happy with just one person. The negative side is fooling yourself, and not being analytical enough, not understand what you want and what makes you happy. Men who are stuck in wrong relationships make me cringe, but so do the fake-juans and teenage PUAs who think they have the world figured out, when in reality their IQ is close to their shoe size.

Sometimes, the most wonderful, empowering thing for a male is to be a single hunter on the prowl. Sometimes it is having a mate who you absolutely love. If you are smart enough and can understand your own emotions, needs, and desires, you can travel the happy road in between the two, and find what really makes you happy. Remember the paradox of human desire - "the grass is always greener on the other side". Also, understand that love rarely lasts forever. Sure it can sometimes reappear when you've thought that it is gone, but i'd venture to guess that the true romantic, happy love is usually only present for the first couple of years in a relationship.(this is confirmed by a lot of current research into the chemistry and psychology of romantic love) Keep that in mind when making your choices. However, also don't expect sex and variety to make you happy without the feelings of love. There is something to be said for having a partner you see as more than just a sex toy.

Anyway I believe that the first and foremost thing to finding some degree of happiness and fulfillment is to find oneself. To pursue your dreams, goals, to be the person you desire to be. Once you have that, once you are happy to be yourself, it is not really important whether you want to be a gigolo or a husband and a father or both. You will simply follow your own destiny and do what is right for you.


Anyways, I am done rambling. This is in no way meant to be a complete tip, philosophy, or a theory. Just some thoughts I believe have validity from my own observations. I'd love to hear what you guys think.

 

[serial_kisser]

...............YOU JUST WON THE LONGEST THREAD AWARD .............

 

[TheRelic]

It's hardly his fault that some kids have short attention spans.

 

[IS|Reinhart]

great post. basically u are showing us to be independent. but it doesn't matter! U can have 1 gurl for the rest of ur life or not. the way i see it u have to srew as many as you can and then pick up the best one. i have my ideal that i want to spend long relationship but nobody even comes closer to that.
P.S. man should be firm and independent. gurls should run all over them like flys saying " I love u. I LOVE U"

 

[JonJack]

Originally posted by IS|Reinhart
P.S. man should be firm and independent. gurls should run all over them like flys saying " I love u. I LOVE U"

I don't think girls should be anything other than what they are. All of us have the power to choose our partner. If we don't like what we see, taking it and later complaining about it is a gross display of childishness. Turning it around, it's also kinda like complaining about not getting laid when the only person you would lay looks exactly like Jessica Alba.

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by IS|Reinhart
i have my ideal that i want to spend long relationship but nobody even comes closer to that.

i think thats a good way to avoid one-itis or being caught with a wrong person, but make sure it doesn't get in the way of having fun.

Originally posted by IS|Reinhart

P.S. man should be firm and independent. gurls should run all over them like flys saying " I love u. I LOVE U"

yeah, but you are oversimplifying it a bit. Who on here was it that said "Boys chase girls, but women pursue men" ?

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by JonJack
I don't think girls should be anything other than what they are. All of us have the power to choose our partner. If we don't like what we see, taking it and later complaining about it is a gross display of childishness. Turning it around, it's also kinda like complaining about not getting laid when the only person you would lay looks exactly like Jessica Alba.

yeah

 

[Big Eee Zee]

i agree strongly. except that love cannot last forever. Then how would marriages work? And dont say they dont cause theres at least some happy married couples.

Romantic love may be gon after a few years, but you can still be in love. Especially if you were at least somewhat friends with the girl in the first place. Have some form of bond other then going out.

damn, my english skills are lacking today. that was the sh!ttiest post i've typed in a while. ah, fvck it.

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by Big Eee Zee
i agree strongly. except that love cannot last forever. Then how would marriages work? And dont say they dont cause theres at least some happy married couples.

Romantic love may be gon after a few years, but you can still be in love. Especially if you were at least somewhat friends with the girl in the first place. Have some form of bond other then going out.

damn, my english skills are lacking today. that was the sh!ttiest post i've typed in a while. ah, fvck it.

don't worry, man, you just answered your own question. Romantic love leaves, but for the lucky couples that are together for many reasons can still have a different kind of love, a partnership, etc.

But yeah, its very very rare for a couple to keep romantic love going for more than a few years. that would require a certain kind of people, a certain kind of constant evolution. It is possible in theory, haven't seen it much in practice.

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by Egoist


But yeah, its very very rare for a couple to keep romantic love going for more than a few years. that would require a certain kind of people, a certain kind of constant evolution. It is possible in theory, haven't seen it much in practice.

I think the thing about romantic love dissapating in marriages is probably due to lost passion/lust. Responsibilities of life come in, bills, children, work, routine family life. And the fact that you see each other everyday that you just end up talking about each other's day.

So i agree with you that it probably takes a different kind of form, partnership. And you're just so used to each other that the thought of being with someone else couldnt possibly cross your mind, that is...unless lustful towards an outsider and end up fvcking him/her. But still love your spouse.

 

[tseluca]

As for LTR's and sex

LTR's are the best thing to boost both peoples sexual ability and performance

You get to have sex prety much at will, so there is lots of practice

When you are in a LTR, you become comfortable with each other and more likey to ask the other to fulfil fantisies that you would be embarassed to ask a ONS.

Girls and guys get more sexually daring when in volved in LTR's

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by tseluca
As for LTR's and sex

LTR's are the best thing to boost both peoples sexual ability and performance

You get to have sex prety much at will, so there is lots of practice

When you are in a LTR, you become comfortable with each other and more likey to ask the other to fulfil fantisies that you would be embarassed to ask a ONS.

Girls and guys get more sexually daring when in volved in LTR's

overall i agree, but too often, the point of diminishing returns comes in.

to tell you the truth though, the quality of sex was better in my case after 6 years, but there was a bit less of it, and it was more "mechanical", there was less passion.

But i do think that both partners do get more complacent. In my case, the g/f was probably trying harder cause she knew i was probably going to leave.

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by ScrewIt
I think the thing about romantic love dissapating in marriages is probably due to lost passion/lust. Responsibilities of life come in, bills, children, work, routine family life. And the fact that you see each other everyday that you just end up talking about each other's day.

So i agree with you that it probably takes a different kind of form, partnership. And you're just so used to each other that the thought of being with someone else couldnt possibly cross your mind, that is...unless lustful towards an outsider and end up fvcking him/her. But still love your spouse.

interestingly enough, i cannot find evidence that there are couples that manage to preserve the sex as it used to be in the first 6-12 months, yet i find plenty of examples where relationships were better because either partner would have affairs on the side and it would somehow reignite their interests.

I guess it might be the availability thing. As much as we hate to admit it, we love the other person more when they are less available or where there is less security.

Hell, the whole DJ philosophy is built around that principle.

 

[MVP]

Originally posted by Egoist
Now, after being single and having the ability to do whatever I want, I realize that those years have been anything but a waste. I've been mostly happy, I've had incredible sex with a beautiful woman 100s of time, I've felt what it is like to be in and out of love, and I've learned many many things that make me a wiser person. We are over, I would never come back to her, but I now understand that it was not a waste, and that relationships can be great and beneficial. BUT THEY DON'T HAVE TO LAST FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

I totally agree with that, and in my opinion real love is eternal. Sure it might be over, and you might not go back to her, but that love you felt for her will always be with you.

That being said, I think people want a relationship to last for the rest of their life due to the fear of being alone. It's like a long term contract for happiness.

 

[Egoist]

Re: Re: Ramblings on good relationships, sex, and so on

Originally posted by MVP
I totally agree with that, and in my opinion real love is eternal. Sure it might be over, and you might not go back to her, but that love you felt for her will always be with you.

That being said, I think people want a relationship to last for the rest of their life due to the fear of being alone. It's like a long term contract for happiness.

complicated sh!t, this love thing, eh?

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by Egoist

I guess it might be the availability thing. As much as we hate to admit it, we love the other person more when they are less available or where there is less security.

Hell, the whole DJ philosophy is built around that principle.

The DJ philosophy is the way human nature has evolved over the centuries. Except in the past, there were laws to punish women for having affairs outside of the marriage. And allowing several wives for 1 man. But in the end all we have are our sexual urges and desires to procreate with several different mates in our lifetimes. Which often can be hard to resist...which leads to affairs. If there was a death sentence to having affairs outside of marriages, i think there would be less daring people to do such a thing.

But aside from that im pretty certain, over 50% of the married population have cheated in some form or another. At least going on a date or kissing another.

That being said, I think people want a relationship to last for the rest of their life due to the fear of being alone. It's like a long term contract for happiness.

Probably fear of being alone. But it doesnt necessarily equate to happiness. But i think as someone said earlier it's more of the bond that's created between the couple, which makes them want to stay together....More often than not, Similarities attract.

Who wouldnt want to spend the rest of their lives with someone who knows what makes them tick?

But i think the main reason they stay together is fear of hardship of rejection, and desire not to waste time, filtering through the population to find another who can equally understand them as well as their current mate. Afterall the biological clock is ticking and people want to settle down before their physical attractiveness dissapates.

I have an interesting insight on this topic really. This girl i've been seeing for over a month, hasnt quite broken up with her bf.
She's waiting for him to leave the country in a few months in hopes he'll forget about her but she doesnt like confrontation so she'd rather string him along.
One time i asked her, "im just curious but how can you stand being around someone you have no feelings for?" She said something about being in a comfort zone. That she knows his family well and vice versa, and says she's just used to it.

makes me wonder that women sometimes would prefer being in misery than in happiness.

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by ScrewIt

But i think the main reason they stay together is fear of hardship of rejection, and desire not to waste time, filtering through the population to find another who can equally understand them as well as their current mate. Afterall the biological clock is ticking and people want to settle down before their physical attractiveness dissapates.

I have an interesting insight on this topic really. This girl i've been seeing for over a month, hasnt quite broken up with her bf.
She's waiting for him to leave the country in a few months in hopes he'll forget about him but she doesnt like confrontation so she'd rather string him along.
One time i asked her, "im just curious but how can you stand being around someone you have no feelings for?" She said something about being in a comfort zone. That she knows his family well and vice versa, and says she's just used to it.

makes me wonder that women sometimes would prefer being in misery than in happiness.

crazy isnt it? but yeah i think its true. lots of people stay together for all the wrong reasons and because they lack courage.

funny enough I don't know who is worse at this. Aren't 2/3rds of all splits originated by women?

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by Egoist


funny enough I don't know who is worse at this. Aren't 2/3rds of all splits originated by women?

im pretty sure it is. Im sure when women cheat in a relationship, that's basically the end of the line and the best indirect way of breaking up with the bf. Since most girls are afraid of confrontation. However the pvssy guys that forgive the girl and continues to keep her will be continuously stepped on over and over until he finally gets smart and does the breakup.

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by ScrewIt
im pretty sure it is. Im sure when women cheat in a relationship, that's basically the end of the line and the best indirect way of breaking up with the bf. Since most girls are afraid of confrontation. However the pvssy guys that forgive the girl and continues to keep her will be continuously stepped on over and over until he finally gets smart and does the breakup.

funny, isnt it?

 

[izza]

I agree with you that there are many modes of finding happiness, and success with women. This is a great point. People are made differently to seek different destinies, to be fulfilled differently. People need to learn different lessons than the next guy.

It's too bad that we forget this sometimes on sosuave. This post is a great reminder. There is no one way to pick up a chick, there is no one way to keep her. There's more than two, more than ten, more than a million. Our job, with women and in life, is to find our method.

Just a thought. It always strikes me as funny that people say, "whoa what an AFC thing to say" or "only an AFC would do that." "Oh sh!t, I have oneitis, I'm an AFC." Maybe there are a few actions that wreak inherently of chump-dom - begging an ex to come back, for example. But loving or truly enjoying or missing a girl is not one of these things. For most actions, what determines AFC-dom is not the action itself (giving flowers, reading poetry, saying somebody is sexy, asking for a kiss or whatever) but the attitude and reasoning behind it.

It's the same with PU actions, if you give flowers like a DJ it works, but if you do it like a chump, it doesn't. So I just don't understand why these wannabes worry about copying what PUA's do, and they don't fix their attitude on life, which is the source of the problem anyway.