Raise The Ante or Pull Back?

[rainmker]

Greetings gentlemen, first time post.

Here's my scenario:

Met this chick online a year ago, went out twice. Had a great first date, terrible second (nothing awful just hung over, no magic), never called her again.

6 mos. later, I'm out with some ole buddies getting horribly drunk and I start drunk dialing (horrible habit) I call her, she calls me back and I ask her out. She agrees, I call her the next week and she never calls me back, and I very wisely erase her number.

1 year later, run into her at a bar. I'm out with some buddies, she's out with some of her girlfriends. We all end up hangin out all night, she explains that she was dating someone at the time that she agreed to dinner and that she felt weird about it, whatever no big woop. She then suggests that her and one of her girlfriends go out with me and one of my buddies that her girlfriend is diggin' We go out, nothing big bowling, fun, etc. Nothing big really comes of it, so I decide, screw it I'll ask her out. Her and I go out a week later, dinner (sushi), dancing afterwards, had a great time. End up making out at the end of the date, cant persuade her to come in. Next week, go out to dinner, same thing but this time I dont try. Next week go see a movie, same thing, cant get her home. This past weekend, she comes over, watch a movie good time, makin out, got the Kino working and then she decides she should go home! Do I:

A.) wait for her to make the next move (i.e. communication, text, phone, etc.)
B.) call her up, propose a date and if nothing substantive happens then broom her?

 

[mystic03]

I would pull back and be a challenge, it looks like she's interested in you but you have to get that interest level higher, also maybe she doesn't want to have sex yet or is catholic....

 

[rainmker]

I definitely feel like I need to raise the interest level. The Saturday thing came out of the blue. As a test, I called her Saturday morning to see what her plans were for the evening. Rather than give me some b.s. story about having plans she came over so I definitely think she's down- just not down enough! As far as pulling back, do I wait indefinitely for her to call or give it say a week or so?

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo rain,

Until this woman is begging you for exclusivity, always keep your eyes open and actively pursue other women that you find attractive.

Now having said that, here's the plan for THIS woman:

Like MYSTIC says, I say pull back, as well. Don't cut off ALL contact with her, or anything like that though. Because she MAY just be a good girl that just needs to have her Anti-Slut-Defense mechanism disconnected (by YOU, soldier).

But YOU are the one who decides when you've waited long enough. I'd be MORE concerned if she wasn't showing any physical attraction towards you at all though. But that doesn't look like that's what's going on here.

So by pulling back, you will lead her to adopt a SCARCITY MENTALITY when it comes to her thoughts of being with you. If a woman thinks that time spent with you is a valuable commodity, she will ALWAYS make the most out of whatever time she DOES have with you.

What you want to communicate is that YOU are a game that she could LOSE---IF she doesn't step HER game and/or her sexual timetable up. You NEVER communicate this to her VERBALLY---but only through your actions(by becoming less available, cutting your dates shorter, asking her out a "little" less frequently, initiating kino---then, the MASTER MANUEVER occurs when YOU be the one who "suddenly" stops kino and wants to call it a night, etc.). You get the picture...

But in doing all of this, ALWAYS maintain the same bouyant, charismatic, confident, NON-needy attitude and personality---all the while.

And IF she's really interested in you ENOUGH, SHE will be the one to escalate the frequency of contact, campaign for more time spent together, and initiate(AND ESCALATE) the amount of physical "exploration" you two engage in.

Using THIS plan, and under THESE circumstances, ANY woman who doesn't START acting like she KNOWS she could lose you-----DOESN'T think of you as "The Prize."

Which would be a big Red Flag, but at least THEN you'll know you have to OFFICIALLY retreat and/or replace her with a BETTER, more interested woman.

You have your mission---IF you choose to accept it.

Oh, and cut back a little on all that goddam drinking, soldier! LOL


March on.

 

[rainmker]

Man!

Excellent response! Thanks a lot fellas. I appreciate the pep talk, I woke up this morning with a cough, wasnt sure what it was, but it sounds more and more like "oneitis" creepin' back in. Love the insight and I like the plan. Definitely feel like she's interested. But I think you're point about her "Anti-Slut-Defense mechanism " is right on. I also agree that the position of limiting my exposure to her will force her to evaluate how substantive the time spent between her and I should be, i.e. "hittin' the skins."

oh and dont worry, its been quite a while since I've been that drunk. Definitely not a strong move DJ-wise!

holla!