quick help

[Romjuan]

hey guys. ive been a long time member just never posted. i need some quick advice.

a girl i use to date for a long time might be back in the picture. heard she broke up with her bf and now shes been asking about me. weve ran into each other at bars the past two weeks and weve had small conversations thru text. i figured tonite was time to finally ask her out. i just texted "hey kiddo, you got plans friday?" she responded with "hey you, i want to do something but dont have definate plans yet. y whats up?! " i quickly replied " ill call you a bit later, but i was going to see if you wanted to get out and get into some trouble. u interested?" she replied "im at dinner so call me later, ill see what you have in mind"


my question is this, why did she say "ill see what you have in mind" rather than yes? and 2nd question is should i do a one on one date or do a thing where shes hanging out with me and my friends? little background when we dated we did have a sexual relationship but she left because i wasnt career oriented. im hesitant to do the one on one thing because i think she might not be ready to start that yet so maybe the group setting might be better. what do you guys think?

 

[Romjuan]

i understand everything your saying. makes sense.
the reason i texted her was to cover myself. i texted do you have plans friday. if she said yes i was not going to respond. i was planning on calling after i found out what she says.

i think in regards of going out in group or one on one i think im going to say this.
"me and my friends are having a rough week so were going to get some drinks at xxxx. y dont you come out there unless you were thiinkg of having me all to yourself."
to me it seems like an indirect way of seeing if she wanted the one on one without showing neediness.

side note we date for a long time and she just recently came into the picture, thats why i believe she might be hesistant for the one on one. she might not be ready for that.

 

[jophil28]

side note we date for a long time and she just recently came into the picture, thats why i believe she might be hesistant for the one on one. she might not be ready for that.

You are overthinking this. Get out of your state of rejection ANXIETY for pete's sake. You KNOW this chick already. She knows you and if she did not want to see you she would have made it abundantly clear one way ot the other. Just be BOLD and quit the girly crystal ball gazing ..

Your quote above is a good example of self defeating, navel gazing negativity.

Go hard , be cool.. and remember, "recycling is socially responsible behavior"..

 

[decades]

"girl I used to date for a long time" might be back in the picture. Let me guess. She "let you down easy". Immediately went or already had new BF to replace you with. Left you stunned. You are in shock and could not date because you were still thinking about "her". Fast forward. Her latest love of her life dumps her and here she is without anyone to text her 8 times a day. Or she dumps him and needs a "bridge loan" to get her to her next love of her life. She remembers YOU. Old reliable you.

And now you're signing up for another go around. The reason I know she dumped you is that if you dumped her, you would not be contemplating dating her again. You would have moved on easily and be in a strong position to spin plates or have a steady GF. But you don't have plates spinning or a GF now. If you had dumped her, it would have been for a very good reason. And you would not want to go "there" again. And guys usually do not find sosuave after dumping some chick because they found too many red flags. 9 times out of 10 it's because they were dumped.

And it's clear you are in the passive role. You heard that "she might be interested in you again." She put out some bait and caught "something". That would be you. And here you are confused about what to do. She is a confusing gal right? This is not the first time she has left you off balance, uncertain of her intentions, and generally thinking a lot about how to handle her.

If it were me in this unfortunate position of going backwards in life, I would realize I need to work on my inner game. I need to find someone new and not go back in time. I need to start being the one to make things happen. I need to move on from this X who just never seems to go away.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

i just texted "hey kiddo, you got plans friday?" she responded with "hey you, i want to do something but dont have definate plans yet. y whats up?! " i quickly replied " ill call you a bit later, but i was going to see if you wanted to get out and get into some trouble. u interested?" she replied "im at dinner so call me later, ill see what you have in mind"

1. Need to be specific as to the plan. "Trouble" isn't good enough. Be the man with the plan.

2. Stay away from group dates. They are like dinner dates. Nothing good comes from them.

3. Definitely call, texting should be used sparingly and is only good after you are in a relationship and you are in a situation where you want to convey a message in a short period of time, without having them call you back.