Quick FR: Escalation

[nicksaiz65]

Getting caught up here.. posting a FR that went down a couple weeks ago.

Went out with my roommate to do some approaches. We ended up pulling a two-set off the street after vibing a bit and then inviting them back to the afterparty.

We went back to the spot, and put on some music while having some drinks. We continued to vibe out, and eventually we split off: I was able to get my girl back into my room and to my bed.

And then I found out she was married! She decided to not disclose that until the last second.

She said something along the lines of we aren't going to do anything because she loves her husband, blah blah blah. I responded with "no, we're not going to have sex. Let's just cuddle!"

We put on some music, and I had to slowly slowly baby step the pull. The furthest I was able to do is get her top off, suck on her t!tties, and dry hump her. What's really funny is that she refused to let me kiss her on the lips because "that would be cheating" but sucking on her titties is ok?

I was attempting to baby step my way to sex, but eventually she got up and was like "we have to stop! We've gone too far already."

I wasn't able to get any farther than that. We vibed some more and then eventually dropped them off.

Idk what I could have done better escalating that, I'd like to get some feedback. In the moment, I wasn't sure if just "whipping it out" was the correct option. I was trying to baby step to the close but it eventually blew out.

Feedback appreciated, homies!

 

[SW15]

We ended up pulling a two-set off the street after vibing a bit and then inviting them back to the afterparty.

Two guys pulling two women off of the street after dark to an afterparty at some nearby apartment is good.

We continued to vibe out, and eventually we split off: I was able to get my girl back into my room and to my bed.

And then I found out she was married! She decided to not disclose that until the last second.

She said something along the lines of we aren't going to do anything because she loves her husband, blah blah blah. I responded with "no, we're not going to have sex. Let's just cuddle!"

We put on some music, and I had to slowly slowly baby step the pull. The furthest I was able to do is get her top off, suck on her t!tties, and dry hump her. What's really funny is that she refused to let me kiss her on the lips because "that would be cheating" but sucking on her titties is ok?

I was attempting to baby step my way to sex, but eventually she got up and was like "we have to stop! We've gone too far already."

I wasn't able to get any farther than that. We vibed some more and then eventually dropped them off.

Idk what I could have done better escalating that, I'd like to get some feedback. In the moment, I wasn't sure if just "whipping it out" was the correct option. I was trying to baby step to the close but it eventually blew out.

Did she not have a wedding ring on? I don't understand how her marriage wasn't disclosed.

Anyway, if she's back at your place, you have to keep escalating. That "we're not going to have sex" line isn't the best line for it. Saying nothing and proceeding to kiss her on the lips is how to do it. If she's married and going to the home of a strange man after dark, she is preparing to have sex. Ignore the married line and escalate like crazy. If she says "STOP" or refuses kissing or performing oral sex on you, then you kick her out of your place right then.

 

[BPH]

@nicksaiz65 I think the resistance to sex was BS.

This woman and her friend went home with 2 strange men they just met on the street, to have drinks, late at night, and ended up on your bed. She's not stupid - she knows what's about to go down. And the fact that her friend is there as a witness to all this and said nothing on her behalf, or tried to stop her, means that if she IS married that she doesn't care about their relationship either.

A good rule of thumb is to escalate sooner rather than later when you're in situations like this because if you're stopped you can cut the interaction short and not waste your time like you did here. I would've kissed her as soon as I had her alone - if not before that while we're all vibing out. If she refused, as she did here, I would've asked her why she came here then - in which case she will make up her mind out loud and let you know how far the night's going to go. Anything other than a "yes" is a "no".

In your case, if I had her topless, sucking on her nips and refusing to kiss me I'd probably see if she lets me rub her pu*** through her panties, then finger her if she's receptive to that. If she's not, I'd stop escalating and kick them out if I wasn't co**blocking my buddy with the other girl.

Also, and this might just be me, but if a girl like this came over to my place to drink my liquor and blue-ball me, I wouldn't be offering her a ride home - I'd let them figure that out.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Her mentioning that “we are not going to do anything” was pure plausible deniability. She knew things were going to happen, as long as you played your cards right. Most women’s forums know exactly what it means when a woman goes into a man’s house or bedroom.

With that being said, did you hesitate or become awkward in the bedroom? What was your vibe around her? Did you create enough tension through push-pull or stir up some conflict before making the big move and releasing all that tension? And did your friend smash?

The key to getting inside her pants is building enough tension while maintaining the element of surprise. Women will give signals but won’t make the move themselves. If you hesitate too long, the moment is lost; it will only signal that you’re not interested because you’re not acting on your desires. But if you’re too impatient, not enough tension is built to create that explosive release. Timing is everything. You have to lead and not hold back out of fear of offending her.

With the theory of the way, why didn’t you try to finger her or rub her pvssy through her jeans? What I would have done after the shirt was off was to start kissing one side of the neck, then her breasts, then the other neck, then the other breast, while grabbing her ribs and caressing her back. I would slowly move down, rubbing her ***** through her jeans while keeping the kisses going. Or, I grab her ass inside her jeans, then slide my hand down to touch her pvssy lips, working my fingers in from the front. When my hand starts to get uncomfortable from the friction of her clothes, I begin undressing her.

If I feel any resistance or hesitation, I take a step back and drop some deep, almost spiritual lines:
“You see that moon over there? Next time you look at it, no matter where you are, I want you to think of me.”, “Destiny brought us together”, etc.

This plants an emotional seed and makes her feel like the moment is bigger than just sex. Once her walls are down, I go back to the physical flattering stuff with no remorse and keep going with the kissing: “your breast have looked good all night.”, “Love how feminine you are with all that jewelry and your nails done”,“you dress so nice it is a shame I would like to take them off”.

Then, continue what you were doing and she’s already yours.

 

[New_Journey]

She said something along the lines of we aren't going to do anything because she loves her husband, blah blah blah. I responded with "no, we're not going to have sex. Let's just cuddle!"

I would've said "Why? You don't like hot sex?" that way I would have set the frame of sexuality upfront.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

If her titties are out OP, she's nude which means you can get nude too. Whip it out, say she's got you too horny and you need the room in your crotch so as not to be uncomfortable. Lol but say nothing's going to happen, you're just getting comfortable. Then pet her ***** through her jeans while sucking on her titties or something. If she's entertaining the idea of fooling around on hubby, chances are she's bored so you don't want to also be boring.

Honestly though she sounds like more of a tease than anything with the last-second hubby disclosure.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Did she not have a wedding ring on? I don't understand how her marriage wasn't disclosed.

Anyway, if she's back at your place, you have to keep escalating. That "we're not going to have sex" line isn't the best line for it. Saying nothing and proceeding to kiss her on the lips is how to do it. If she's married and going to the home of a strange man after dark, she is preparing to have sex. Ignore the married line and escalate like crazy. If she says "STOP" or refuses kissing or performing oral sex on you, then you kick her out of your place right then.

To be honest, my memory on it is a bit hazy (drinking.) She might have or she might have not. Either it was off or I didn’t notice.

So, you’re saying basically that I need to be more aggressive and I’m still being too passive. That’s fair. Next pull I’ll escalate harder.

 

[SW15]

you’re saying basically that I need to be more aggressive and I’m still being too passive. That’s fair. Next pull I’ll escalate harder.

Multiple people on this thread said it. @BPH and I had the most similar responses to this point.

my memory on it is a bit hazy (drinking.) She might have or she might have not. Either it was off or I didn’t notice.

I have no desire to deal with married women. For many years, I have done quick glances at the hands before starting approaches.

This is typically more relevant in non-bar approaching than it is in bar approaching. You were technically doing non-bar approaching on the street at night, likely in a nightlife district. That's a form of approaching I don't have experience doing.

I have done plenty of approaching outdoors, except my outdoor approaching has typically been in typically been in parks or on walking paths.

Outdoor patio approaching in a bar is considering bar approaching.

In typical non-bar approaching, the hand glances and ring checks are very important. It can save a guy the frustration of starting an interaction likely to go nowhere. The typical married woman in the grocery store/mall isn't seeking new penis. While many married woman are in mediocre to subpar marriages, most aren't going to be that receptive to the approach of an unmarried man.

I'm less likely to do ring checks at night when I approach. Most married women are not going to the bars and meet men. I don't recall ever approaching a married woman in a nightlife venue.

In both daygame and nightgame, I approach in neighborhoods where unmarried people exceed married people. This reduces the chance that I'll interact with a married woman.

 

[nicksaiz65]

@nicksaiz65 I think the resistance to sex was BS.

This woman and her friend went home with 2 strange men they just met on the street, to have drinks, late at night, and ended up on your bed. She's not stupid - she knows what's about to go down. And the fact that her friend is there as a witness to all this and said nothing on her behalf, or tried to stop her, means that if she IS married that she doesn't care about their relationship either.

A good rule of thumb is to escalate sooner rather than later when you're in situations like this because if you're stopped you can cut the interaction short and not waste your time like you did here. I would've kissed her as soon as I had her alone - if not before that while we're all vibing out. If she refused, as she did here, I would've asked her why she came here then - in which case she will make up her mind out loud and let you know how far the night's going to go. Anything other than a "yes" is a "no".

In your case, if I had her topless, sucking on her nips and refusing to kiss me I'd probably see if she lets me rub her pu*** through her panties, then finger her if she's receptive to that. If she's not, I'd stop escalating and kick them out if I wasn't co**blocking my buddy with the other girl.

Also, and this might just be me, but if a girl like this came over to my place to drink my liquor and blue-ball me, I wouldn't be offering her a ride home - I'd let them figure that out.

Yeah, I definitely could have moved onto starting to finger her: sooner than later, before she got up. That's just escalation.. I'll have to practice it more in the future as well as getting a straight up yes or no like you suggested.


We ended up bringing them home this time, but my roommate and I have definitely had to throw out girls who were acting crazy after being pulled, in the past.

 

[nicksaiz65]

With that being said, did you hesitate or become awkward in the bedroom? What was your vibe around her? Did you create enough tension through push-pull or stir up some conflict before making the big move and releasing all that tension? And did your friend smash?

I would say the vibe was pretty good... I wouldn't say I was hesitant too much, I was just attempting to baby-step to the close. Yeah, my roommate did end up smashing when he brought his girl to his room.

With the theory of the way, why didn’t you try to finger her or rub her pvssy through her jeans? What I would have done after the shirt was off was to start kissing one side of the neck, then her breasts, then the other neck, then the other breast, while grabbing her ribs and caressing her back. I would slowly move down, rubbing her ***** through her jeans while keeping the kisses going. Or, I grab her ass inside her jeans, then slide my hand down to touch her pvssy lips, working my fingers in from the front. When my hand starts to get uncomfortable from the friction of her clothes, I begin undressing her.

This is what I should have done. I'm just not comfortable enough with escalation yet. I need to keep going out more, and pulling more girls so that I can get more comfortable in these escalation situations.

 

[nicksaiz65]

If her titties are out OP, she's nude which means you can get nude too. Whip it out, say she's got you too horny and you need the room in your crotch so as not to be uncomfortable. Lol but say nothing's going to happen, you're just getting comfortable. Then pet her ***** through her jeans while sucking on her titties or something. If she's entertaining the idea of fooling around on hubby, chances are she's bored so you don't want to also be boring.

Honestly though she sounds like more of a tease than anything with the last-second hubby disclosure.

Tbh, in this situation, I wasn't sure if I could just "whip it out." Now, I have reference experience for if (when) something like this happens again.

I can't be worried about "not offending her" and what not. This is a recurring theme I've noticed, I need to be more aggressive when escalating, and less "nice" in general.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Multiple people on this thread said it. @BPH and I had the most similar responses to this point.



I have no desire to deal with married women. For many years, I have done quick glances at the hands before starting approaches.

This is typically more relevant in non-bar approaching than it is in bar approaching. You were technically doing non-bar approaching on the street at night, likely in a nightlife district. That's a form of approaching I don't have experience doing.

I have done plenty of approaching outdoors, except my outdoor approaching has typically been in typically been in parks or on walking paths.

Outdoor patio approaching in a bar is considering bar approaching.

In typical non-bar approaching, the hand glances and ring checks are very important. It can save a guy the frustration of starting an interaction likely to go nowhere. The typical married woman in the grocery store/mall isn't seeking new penis. While many married woman are in mediocre to subpar marriages, most aren't going to be that receptive to the approach of an unmarried man.

I'm less likely to do ring checks at night when I approach. Most married women are not going to the bars and meet men. I don't recall ever approaching a married woman in a nightlife venue.

In both daygame and nightgame, I approach in neighborhoods where unmarried people exceed married people. This reduces the chance that I'll interact with a married woman.

I'd mostly agree with this. I completely forgot to do the ring check this time. That would have saved me from some BS, but this is still a good learning experience on escalation.