Quick breakup question

[ionic66]

I've been dating my girlfriend for five months, mostly good with a fight or two.

A few days ago I was a jerk to her while hanging out, provoking ans such. For the two days that followed she was upset with me and limited in her contact. Then last night she said that she wanted to break up, that she was too busy for a relationship.

Obviously, I missed some signs here, but I would like to continue to date. Upon reflection, I was pretty clingy the past week. She may have needed space and instead I smothered.

How do I proceed?

 

[Gro0ver]

I think first you need to understand why you acted the way you did.

- Why did you provoke her?
- Why did you then be clingy, were you afraid of losing her/felt guilty? This is a huge nono, probably more than the first thing you did

Don't lose your cool with a girl again, it always has negative consequences!

Be like a rock and your side of the relationship will take care of itself 99% of the time in my experience. She needs to be able to count on you to have your svit together, so when she comes to you with her girlie problems she knows she can count on you to provide stability and sense.

So when you're talking to her about whether to break up or not, don't lose your cool even if she maintains that she wants to break as this will jeopardise your chances in future and diminish your self-respect.

Even if you break up it might be a welcome kick up the ass, sometimes stuff happens for a reason. You can work on yourself and there may be another chick round the corner, 5 month relationship is not a big deal, sounds like there's a bit of unwanted drama in there anyway.

In terms of how to proceed, my approach would be passive, almost uncaring (they HATE this and LOVE it at the same time), focus on other aspects of your life. When it comes to "the conversation" (always do it person), my approach is always to try to mirror their interest level, if it's low then mine will be low, as it rises during the conversation (maybe they're afraid I've met another chick or the lack of interest is sparking something in them) my interest level will rise. Dunno why but i've always done it like that and it's always worked to my advantage.

 

[Iceberg]

You proceed by giving her what she wants. Give her the breakup.

If she's serious about it, then she's gone anyway. And if she's not serious about it, once she sees that you're not desperately chasing her, then she'll lose her taste for the single life.

The one thing you CANT do is pursue her. She asks for space, give it to her. Give her more space than she thought you were capable of. Don't call. Don't write. Go out with friends, have fun...let her hear about it through 3rd parties. That's all you can do.

 

[ionic66]

Thanks for the thoughts. It's a tough lesson to learn but a necessary one.

 

[ionic66]

New Developments

These questions may be mundane, but I'm a rookie.

Update: I have stuck with your advice of looking at myself to see what caused the breakup, giving her space, no contact, and move on. I was planning on doing this for around a month and then contacting her. But then I was surprised when she texted me late last night asking if I was sleeping, then a follow up text saying she was sorry for being mean.

Is she interested? I'm going to continue as planned. What say you Don Juan's?

 

[Johnnyventana]

Is she interested? I'm going to continue as planned. What say you Don Juan's?

Less is more. She is 2nd guessing losing you. Let her keep worrying about that. Be chased, don't chase. Stay the course.