Questioning The Don Juan Lifestyle

[Anima]

So throughout my journey to becoming a Don Juan, I've found that you're never really with a girl you love. It's always spinning plates, or in the case of a main plate, choosing who has more to offer you. There's never really feelings involved, and it seems to me that being a DJ is only playing games. I understand that this is a biased thought, considering that I've never been in a relationship. I mean, I enjoy feeling in control and like a man; it feels ****ing amazing, but I'm not getting the emotional satisfaction that the "nice guy" part of me wants. My opinion may change as I become more and more of a DJ, but I don't think that the DJ lifestyle will ever make me happy, though it may cover it up. For example, I've had oneitis on this girl for seven months. I'm more than well aware that she'll never want me the same way. I'm going on a date with a girl who's really into me (thanks to the DJ side of me) today, but I'm not even that into her; I still have oneitis for the other. I keep thinking that it's really only to hide my desire and own needs.

 

[Watawata]

Problem is, you watched too many chick flicks. Women find their happiness in relationships, men in achievement.

 

[Peña]

Be what you want to be and not what others tell you to be. Learn all experiences to know what is best for you and do what you feel.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

I very much disagree with wata and Ruler here.

Back to you, it is probably because of investment. You are less invested in the girl you are going on the date with vs the girl you like. There are many more power games at play there, but in the end relationships with other people that you care for should never be about power. If one has to play power games in a relationship then something essential is lacking in that moment.

The "DJ Lifestyle" feels like a simplified way of living your own life and giving you tools to do so. You can definitely move further than it, and life and relationships extend beyond the realms of what you are told on this website. It is a stepping stone, not a philosophy.

 

[GetBetter]

Kudos to you DoctorCoops for asking the question that I pondered over for long. What you are talking about is probably the lifestyle of a Pickup Artist and not a Don Juan. Pickup artists are out there to **** as many girls as they can, to prove to themselves and the world that they are not the losers they so became for certain point of time.

As for love, it does exist, I firmly believe so. And so said every author. Unconditional love is what is strongest. I am looking for that. And I guess that is goal of Don Juan as well. And maybe thats what the goal should be - being the best person, and loving unconditionally and finding the person who is courageous enough to accept and reciprocate your honest unconditional love.

 

[Pivot]

Holy hell, it's scary how much like you're sounding like I did a few years ago. I criticized DJ philosophy for never really emphasizing on the longterm.

But it's right. It's about having fun. You can't have fun being focused on one girl who may or may not even like you. You have fun, and you keep having fun until you meet someone special. A fine china plate that separates itself

Then you marry that plate if you like. Or you date that plate for years.

Least that's my understanding of it all

 

[Pivot]

You're still conforming to the way that society expects though.

You seem to think that when you're young you fool around and then as you age you do what society expects and you settle down and sew your wild oats so to speak. It's all about your conforming and living according to how other people expect you should live.

Just live the way that you want. If you never want to settle down, then don't. It's all about doing what you want. don't put too much stock into this westernized paint by numbers conformist system. It's all designed to oppress and tarnish your individuality so that you'll fall in line and follow the rules and not make waves so that the few powerful (the church, the state, the corporations) can continue to be in charge while the rest follow.

Nono, I was trying to say that if he happened to fall in love whilst having fun, and if he wanted to marry, by god go ahead and do it. Having a family and kids is a wonderful thing.

Not saying he should, or has to

 

[JohnChops]

You're still conforming to the way that society expects though.

You seem to think that when you're young you fool around and then as you age you do what society expects and you settle down and sew your wild oats so to speak. It's all about your conforming and living according to how other people expect you should live.

Just live the way that you want. If you never want to settle down, then don't. It's all about doing what you want. don't put too much stock into this westernized paint by numbers conformist system. It's all designed to oppress and tarnish your individuality so that you'll fall in line and follow the rules and not make waves so that the few powerful (the church, the state, the corporations) can continue to be in charge while the rest follow.

Indeed this. GOod question as well OP because I thought the same thing last year. That led to me hopping into a relationship and I hated every fvcking minute of it so here I am , not questioning the DJ life anymore.

 

[No.Danny]

Who said the dj lifestyle is not of having a long term relationship. If you want that then look for it. Because you want not because of anything else. If you want to bang a new girl every week do that too because you want. Not because Poon Queen or any other idiot says that's the only way. You either live your dreams or other people's dreams. Your choice

 

[SpoonJedi]

I'm quite a noob in this matters. But what I've interpreted from all of this is:
You were an AFC, most of us were at some point AFC's, and we weren't happy with that, for some reason some guys might not mind being nice guys, might work for them, others have had the "skills" since they can remember, others, us, were just not the kind of guy who had the "skills" (the attitude if you prefer) but we weren't happy with that.. so we decided to change.

Here is the most important part... we weren't happy with what we were, and so we decid to change.

Well.. being a DJ, for me, is the action of living and learning what makes you happy, what you want to be, aside from what everyone else thinks, instead of settling with what "life" gave him, a DJ decides to go for what he desires, it can be girls, popularity, fitness or just get better at school, what he desires is the objective, it's about what he want's, the DJ has made is mind, he's important, so he works for himself. And so thats it, the DJ lifestyle is the way a human decides to take control of what surrounds him, to find a passion and follow it, to be happy, that may involve some ladies in the process, but for me, that's just superficial, there's is more to life than ladies, and that's what we learn in here, that's they are not goddesses, they are humans, that have tons of things that we don't have to like or endure if we don't want to.

Of course a DJ might want to start a family, meet a wonderful woman with whom he can just be himself and share his passions with. I dare to say most of people have had that dream (induced by society probably, but we do have it), the thing is, a DJ isn't supposed to force it. If it happens, then great, he will be an happy man. If he doesn't meet that person, then whatever, he has more going on in life, he has his passion, and he doesn't need a woman to make himself happy.

 

[SeymourCake]

A Don Juan is in love with something far superior to woman, and that is life itself. Invest your emotions into your hobbies for a better emotional response rather than investing it into someone else who is capable of letting you down.

 

[Konada]

Simply put, the DJ lifestyle is nothing more than living your life as an authentic man. None of that a DJ must be able to fvck 100 girls and never get into a relationship bullsh!t.

A true DJ is in love with life itself and pursue what he wants. Be your own DJ, nobody can tell you what kind of lifestyle a DJ leads except for yourself.

 

[amazingswayze]

No More Mr. Nice Guy

So throughout my journey to becoming a Don Juan, I've found that you're never really with a girl you love. It's always spinning plates, or in the case of a main plate, choosing who has more to offer you. There's never really feelings involved, and it seems to me that being a DJ is only playing games. I understand that this is a biased thought, considering that I've never been in a relationship. I mean, I enjoy feeling in control and like a man; it feels ****ing amazing, but I'm not getting the emotional satisfaction that the "nice guy" part of me wants. My opinion may change as I become more and more of a DJ, but I don't think that the DJ lifestyle will ever make me happy, though it may cover it up. For example, I've had oneitis on this girl for seven months. I'm more than well aware that she'll never want me the same way. I'm going on a date with a girl who's really into me (thanks to the DJ side of me) today, but I'm not even that into her; I still have oneitis for the other. I keep thinking that it's really only to hide my desire and own needs.

The nice guy within me committed suicide a while ago. I'm not looking for love anymore. Maybe Coops, you haven't been hurt enough yet to change your mind. Not sure if you've changed since this post but all I can say is, you will reach a point where it's impossible to stay the same. You get so fed up that you have to change. And it just happens. I'm done with my old tendencies. It's more fun to be an *******. I don't even do it on purpose. My personality changed through experience. It is what it is.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

The nice guy within me committed suicide a while ago. I'm not looking for love anymore. Maybe Coops, you haven't been hurt enough yet to change your mind. Not sure if you've changed since this post but all I can say is, you will reach a point where it's impossible to stay the same. You get so fed up that you have to change. And it just happens. I'm done with my old tendencies. It's more fun to be an *******. I don't even do it on purpose. My personality changed through experience. It is what it is.

You'll change back for the better eventually.

 

[Anima]

You'll change back for the better eventually.

Lol. Glad I'm not the only one thinking he's gone off the deep end. :crackup: