Question 'oneitis'

[machiaveli]

This girl and i have known eachother for about 2 years now. At the beginning, she gave signals that she was attracted to me and even told me she was, but when i tried to set a date.. she never could or was too busy. It was in my AFC times, have changed a lot. (we went on a sort of 'date',didn't made a move and it stopped there.)

I think that i never got in the friendzone, because i tried to avoid that.. and when talking to her i make i clear that we are not "friends". The contact never stopped, sometimes it became less.. but to the real problem now:

The situation now is that we are both in relationships, that don't go that well.. And lately we have been talking a lot, she told me a lot of personal things. I think that she is interested in me, but can't quite figer it out if she is playing hard to get or just isn't interested and is playing with me.

She has said to me a couple of times that her relationships could be over anytime, but still isn't.. (that was 3 weeks ago). In a conversation she told me that she likes me more than her boyfriend. The problem is that we're both in relationships, and to start with eachtother with cheating would be a bad start, but it seems as if she's playing with my head and doesn't want to break with her boyfriend.

My question(s):

• How can i figure out if she really wants to be with me and is playing hard to get and waiting for me for the first step (which would be breaking up with my girl)?
• What is the best way to break up with my girl, to tell her that the relationship isn't going that well. Without any bull**** think she might be pyscho.

I know that the cure for a one-itis is to date as many girls as possible, but this is a differrent situation. (if i was single it would be easier). And that i want so bady to be with the other girl might also be the fact that she seems impossible for now.

Any advice?

sorry for the bad english.. i hope you guys understand what i want to say..

 

[poohead]

i'd at least wait to see if she breaks up with her current guy before you do anything.

 

[Macgyver]

I would write her off honestly if I were in your position. You call yourself a "machiavelli", can you use a name like mrwimp3000 or pinkboy23. You bring patheticism to the great machiavelli.

 

[machiaveli]

haha thanks for the nicknames :trouble: .. you should tell her off?i tried it..
why would you tell her off?

 

[Obsidian]

Well, it's not real clear to me why you want to break up with your girl to begin with.

If you really think you'd like this second chick better, then yeah you MUST make it clear that she has to break up with her guy first. Don't trust women.

 

[JonJack]

My question(s):

• How can i figure out if she really wants to be with me and is playing hard to get and waiting for me for the first step (which would be breaking up with my girl)?
• What is the best way to break up with my girl, to tell her that the relationship isn't going that well. Without any bull**** think she might be pyscho.

I know that the cure for a one-itis is to date as many girls as possible, but this is a differrent situation. (if i was single it would be easier). And that i want so bady to be with the other girl might also be the fact that she seems impossible for now.

Any advice?

You should not base your action on speculation. If you're not going to directly ask her if she's waiting for you to break up first, then it's all speculation. The problem with speculating is that you would feel like total shyt if you're wrong in the end. Let's say you speculate that she wants you to break up first from this-and-that signals. Let's say you break up and you're wrong about her. Woah! Wouldn't you feel like the dumbarse then? If you want to break up with your current girlfriend, do it even if this other girl doesn't want you. If you don't want to break up with your current girl because you don't know if this other girl would take you in, either find out for certain then or just stick with your girl.

Why are you so worried that your current girl would flip if you break up with her? Did you like lead her on? Did you put false hopes in her mind? Did you tell her that you would be together forever till the end of time? If not, why wouldn't she understand then? I really hope you didn't get together with a totally unreasonable psycho hellraiser. Cause if you did, you seem pretty good in getting yourself into crappy situations.

machiaveli, why make your life so difficult and complicated? You do have a choice you know. You can choose to simplify it all, or you can choose to complicate it all until your hair falls off. The reason you're overcomplicating things is because you want it all. You want this other girl, but you'll only drop your current gf if she'll do the same and be with you after that. If she doesn't want you, you'll want to keep your current gf. But you can't exactly bring yourself to ask her directly if she wants to be with you. Probably cause you feel it may spoil things with her. Or maybe you feel it isn't nice to fall for someone when you've already got a gf. Or maybe if you tell her and she rejects you, your gf might find out about it and go beserk on your arse. Wow! So many things to watch out for. No wonder you're confused.

I say fvck it all. Choose what you want and stick with it. Don't give a shyt about what other people throw your way. Even if you don't get what you want, at least you had the conviction to pursue it with all your energy and heart. If you want this girl badly enough, tell her. If you still need some more time 'gaming' her, then wait till you know it's about right and tell her. Since you're not into the cheating, it's better to just tell her instead of getting physical cause when things get hot and heavy, you may lose control and cheat. So, tell her and then break up with your girl if she feels the same. Or break up anyway and then tell her. Either way man. Simplify it, and just do it.

 

[machiaveli]

I say fvck it all. Choose what you want and stick with it. Don't give a shyt about what other people throw your way. Even if you don't get what you want, at least you had the conviction to pursue it with all your energy and heart.

JonJack, this is the best advice so far. I think i knew it but was blind to see it with my own eyes. The girl with whom im now, is not a psycho.. even if she can be weird. Didn't ever gave her false hope or something.. kept it always cool. So breaking up with her wouldn't be a problem, but now i only have to figure out if i really want that.

I can see that you have been in a sort of the same situation, you understand a lot of the things. The main thought that goes through my mind is that, if i tell her to break up with her boyfriend or tell her how i really feel, that it will screw things with the future and i couldn't game her anymore. So the next question: " Do you ever stop gaming the girl and when can you be just yourself ? ". Don't mean that you should lie, but be the best you can be. And even if that means sometimes changing your personality. The problem with being yourself is that, she will lose interest and will start acting *****y.

It would be really lame to break with my girl, only because of this other one.. u never know what will happen. So your advice to get the other girl is, to tell her directly to break up with her boyfriend ?..

The best attitude is not to give a fvck and keep things simple..

 

[Latinoman]

In what age group is she? Is she in her early 20s or mid 30s?

Everytime I give advice I assume certain age group (yours and hers). But that advice could become considerably inaccurate if I miss the age group.

 

[machiaveli]

exactly 20..