I'm coming off of the same thing, bro. I had been smoking heavily for about a year, and I was smoking daily for a good 4 months straight. One day I just woke up and felt done with it. I think about smoking now, and I associate it with feeling tired as hell, sluggish and stupid, and eating tons of food that I would never normally shove down. I also noticed the huge chunk that pot was taking out of my paychecks and how much it was ****ing my lifestyle over.
So the morning I realized this, I went out and bought a ****load of new, really nice clothes to wear. I realized that the majority of my wardrobe was "stoner-wear". The same t-shirts with the sleeves cut off, the same pairs of ****ies, it just felt old. I felt dirty, lazy, and stupid. I had gone from the kid with the highest SAT score in my high school to a (near) college dropout and bum. Granted I'm only 19, but why fall into the same spiral that I see so many others succumbing to?
After that morning I went eight days without so much as a puff. One night after work, I felt particularly stressed and tired, so I took the last of my old stash and smoked it out of my trusty bong. I felt instantly disappointed with myself. The high just felt numbing and stupid. I swore to myself, while I was high, that I would stop for good, that toking even a little bit would lead me down the same path.
Well, it's been a tough road... and I have to admit, there have been the scattered nights where I scraped a little resin and puffed away. But my overall smoking has cut down by at least 500%, and it feels pretty awesome. My memory is returning, I feel "cleaner" somehow, and my clear mind has lead to renewed focus on more important areas of my life (such as females
).
Talking about something like "marijuana addiction" is pretty taboo, because it makes you sound like, well, a fag. But I was heavily addicted to weed, and towards the end I didn't even know why I was smoking anymore. My tolerance had shot so far up that I got none of the old fun effects, only a tiring body high and a little visual distortion. It's like my mind would just shut off. I think a lot of heavy users don't even know why they are still smoking. It's just something you do to kill time.
I used to say that weed improved my confidence, and I totally believe that at first, it did. When I would smoke in social situations, I made friends more easily than ever before in my life. I was free with my words, generous with my actions, and much more relaxed. But you know what? As time went on, weed started killing that confidence. I started feeling like I couldn't be social unless I was high. Nagging doubts crept through my mind constantly. But as I have been quitting weed, a sort of natural confidence is beginning to come back, and it feels just like the confidence I used to have while high... only stronger and clearer.
The moral of this marathon post is directed to anyone who is reading this and thinking about trying to quit: it's not impossible, and yes, it is worth it. I think past heavy smokers like myself will probably never be able to put the ganj away for good, but I know that I will never be where I was, and that's the most important thing. Good luck, smokers!
