Question about Looks

[Bigdavis]

I've been reading for several weeks now and i just want to say you guys are geniuses. I've learned so much and have even been able to help some of my friends sex lives but my question for you is this.

I'm 6'1" 350 lbs. fairly good looking in the face and I dress very nice, but I’m Obese. I've been doing weight watchers and I’ve lost 35 lbs. So what I’m doing is learning all of these techniques you guys teach while waiting for the weight to come off (seems like it's taking forever) now i would like your guys opinion on this, do you think it's a good idea or should I forget about my looks and go for it. It's hard to not be insecure when you are grotesquely overweight. I can't imagine any women wanting to sleep with me so I haven't even been trying any of the techniques until I feel comfortable with my weight. You guys are always saying looks don't matter but I think that only goes so far. I’m not just a little overweight I’m really fat. Am I doing the right thing by not trying with women until I "Look good"

 

[Lone_raider]

I'm not the most qualified to be answering you but anyway. I would say definitly stick with loosing the weight, women want men to be at least decently fit. Now as far as looks being really important, well I'll tell you that they only get you so far, you need to have serious skills to get and keep women that looks alone won't give you. I know, I have never mentioned this in the past because it's irrelevant here but I have been told and would say I am fairly good looking. But this means nothing! Sure I was able to attract some women on looks alone, but this didn't help me keep them, this didn't make my conversations better, this didn't stop me from doing AFC things like calling to much or becoming clingy, and it certainly didn't help me get laid lol. There were bunches of guys who I thought were worse looking then me with super hot girlfriends, why? They have serious game probably, something I didn't have and am working on to this day.

Looks will only get you in the door a little easier, which I'll admit is nice sometimes, but having good DJ skills is better and you can easily overcome the looks barrier if your game is solid.

 

[Bigdavis]

very true but if a woman disgusted at the thought of having sex with you (i don't know this to be true but i wouldn't sleep with a woman that was as fat as me) it doesn't matter how good your game is. right?

 

[stormwriter]

I would think that losing the weight would make you feel more confident, which is the number #1 trait to have in order to achieve success with chicks.
Also, since there are physical, mental, and emotional issues with being overweight, and some women will judge you by that, and probably won't be interested in signing up for you, cause they think you have depression, or lack of self-control. (As you know, self-control is also another very important trait in getting chicks.)

I was reading in Doc Love's "The System" that men WILL change if their is payoff involved, and improved success with better looking chicks is a good payoff and motivation for losing weight.

It does take time to internalize all this Don Juan stuff, so i think you have a great idea of working on it while you are losing the weight. That way, when your DJ knowledge and excitement from losing some weight come together, you will be feeling great, and it will show.

There's nothing to say you can't "practice" on chicks in the meantime.

I don't know what its like to be overweight though, so i can't really speak from experience. One of my goals is to GAIN WEIGHT this summer. I'm 6'4 and 190lbs.... (too skinny!)

 

[Quick]

I think you should have confidence, but you should also be truthful with yourself. If as a man with options you wouldn't sleep with a woman like you, then you shouldn't expect to be the first choice of a woman with options. You should keep up the weight watchers, and also check out the health forum about weight loss strategies. You can still get women now, but probably not the type you would choose. Instead of settling, get yourself in a position where you can choose.

That doesn't mean you can't practice some DJ techniques at the same time. You can certainly work on being more social and how you should talk to people. You should talk to all types of women and realize that it's not so bad. Work on becoming a better person all around. Dress, weight, more well read, funnier and more social, happier with yourself.

I don't want to bring you down, but I also don't want to sugarcoat anything. If you continue on your program, the type of woman you can get now, you're not even going to want in six months to a year.

 

[Lone_raider]

Well as far as weight goes it's better if you got down to a more trim size. I imagine there are not many women who want to sleep with someone way overweight. Looks, as in the way of the face or whatever are uncontrollable factors and that's what I was referring to, but being overweight is something that will make a difference so I was half wrong lol. If you are down to a respectible size, and have some good game then you are on your way.

 

[Survivor]

First of all, congratulations on losing 35 lbs. That alone proves that you're serious about improving yourself.

Man, I don't who here has been telling you that looks don't matter, but whoever it is its either probably some extremely good-looking guy thats never had to work hard to attract women, or some wanker with no real life experience whatsoever. Make no bones about it, looks are a major factor in atrracting women, but at least its not like what women have to go through to attract men, where looks are often the ONLY factor. So be glad that you're a guy and keep things in the proper perspective.

Now Bigdavis, you seem to have two issues going on here. One is with your looks. The other is with your level of confidence. (Actually looks and confidence are the SAME THING. But for the sake of this post, we'll pretend they're different.) You seem to be dealing effectively with your improving your looks so keep at it.

What's left unattended to are your confidence and esteem issues, not necessarily "DJ" skills. As a former pimply faced, skinny bastard I too know what it feels like to be shunned because of your looks. And to risk rejection again, even after gaining "DJ" knowledge, a still a scary proposition for newcomers.

To parrot what the others have said, my suggestion would be to work on talking to women only for "practice" and not as potential mates....for now anyway. Focus less on your own desire and more on they're saying. Listen to them, but don't get infactuated. Get a feel for what they like and dislike. Practice your conversation skills so that when you do complete your physical reconstruction, you can wow women with whats on the outside... and the inside.

Hope that helps. One of these days I'm gonna post a monster tip that will hopefully end this "Looks dont matter" crap.

 

[Survivor]

Originally posted by Bigdavis
very true but if a woman disgusted at the thought of having sex with you (i don't know this to be true but i wouldn't sleep with a woman that was as fat as me) it doesn't matter how good your game is. right?

It seems like your tying too much off your ego to your need for women to confirm your desirablilty. That's actually part of what I meant by looks and confidence being one and the same.

If you are that desperate for a source of confidence, be proud of the fact that you've lost 35 pounds, for starters.

Your ego should be fed by your accomplishments not by your looks.

 

[Bigdavis]

Wow you guys are great!!! I think i'll just keep up the weight watchers and learning the "tricks of the trade" and put women on hold for a while. Any action i get between now and my goal weight will be a bonus!!! thanks guys

 

[Matt ala Casanova]

Just a small FYI - Losing weight will also give you a bigger love tool! Studies have shown that the gut fat pulls in the tool hence....

Anyway, keep at it! Chicks do dig a man who is thick in all places.

M.A.C.

 

[Bigdavis]

Originally posted by Matt ala Casanova
Just a small FYI - Losing weight will also give you a bigger love tool! Studies have shown that the gut fat pulls in the tool hence....

Anyway, keep at it! Chicks do dig a man who is thick in all places.

M.A.C.

yeah i've heard 1 inch per 50 pounds!!! that will be 3 inches if i get down to goal weight!!!!!

 

[Ian1983]

Don't expect to lose a lot of weight quickly, stick with it and you'll do fine.
As for the looks thing. I was in the gym and a 8 or 9 was on the bikes, and I was behind her, being mesmerized by her jiggling arse. There was a man mountain (not in a good way, more like a jelly mountain) on the rowing machines, he stops and sits next to her and starts to ride. I'm thinking, hes got some really balls, but then she starts talking to him. Turns out, shes his gf. God knows how he managed to get her, ugly buggar aswell (if I had to rate him, he'd be like -8, -10 being quasymodo).
So, if you work on your game, looks like you can get anyone...or maybe pick then one with bad eye sight, I think thats what I'm going on with the above

 

[OleRyder]

Big sez: "(i don't know this to be true but i wouldn't sleep with a woman that was as fat as me)"

And what exactly do you expect? If you are disgusted at the thought of having sex with a fat woman, do you expect them to do any better (or worse - depending on your viewpoint)? Me, I wouldn't consider a girl who is not at least as fit as myself as a romantic prospect (or an F-buddy, to be sure) - and mind you, I run 10K in under 40 minutes - which does does place me at disadvantage, given the epidemy of female fata$sitis 'round here. So, here's my advice: lay off those Cheezy Poofs and extra-sugar 72 oz Slurpees, burn your Nintendo, get off yer a$$ and go lose some weight. Understood?

 

[Bigdavis]

Originally posted by OleRyder
Big sez: "(i don't know this to be true but i wouldn't sleep with a woman that was as fat as me)"

And what exactly do you expect? If you are disgusted at the thought of having sex with a fat woman, do you expect them to do any better (or worse - depending on your viewpoint)? Me, I wouldn't consider a girl who is not at least as fit as myself as a romantic prospect (or an F-buddy, to be sure) - and mind you, I run 10K in under 40 minutes - which does does place me at disadvantage, given the epidemy of female fata$sitis 'round here. So, here's my advice: lay off those Cheezy Poofs and extra-sugar 72 oz Slurpees, burn your Nintendo, get off yer a$$ and go lose some weight. Understood?

thank you for being so sensitive :rollseyes: I guess you misread my post. the gist of what i'm saying is. "i don't want to sleep with a fatty so why should i expect a hottie to want to sleep with me" I understand why a woman would not want to sleep with me. I was merely asking "should i stop trying with women until i lose weight" I also said in my post that i'm on weight watchers and have lost 35 lbs so where do you get that i'm eating cheezy poofs and slurpys and sitting on my arse. As a matter of fact i walked/jogged 2.6 miles yesterday which (though that's nothing compared to what you can do) that was a huge milestone for me

 

[drZaius09]

One of the more prevalent catch-phrases in here seems to be "Looks will only get you so far." Yes, that is true. But I would compare not having looks more to racing in a triathalon without a bike. Sure, you can run and swim, but without a bike you CAN'T FINISH THE RACE.

When you see an ugly man with a good looking girl, there are a few possibilities to explain the situation:
1) The girl has very low self-esteem, and, coupled with the man's exceptional abilities, he is able to keep her as a GF.
2) The girl has very low self-esteem and uses the man (who may not have any ability at all) as a crutch until something better comes along.
3) The man is wealthy and/or famous and/or well-off in one way or another.
4) The GIRL finds him to be attractive, even though YOU may see him as ugly. Remember that everybody has varying tastes.

So as you can see, the odds are stacked against you if you don't have the looks to back it up. Only the very fortunate uglies have much of a chance, unless you are lucky enough to find a girl with a damaged ego/psyche.

 

[Leporello]

Not a fatter fish than thee
Flounders round the polar sea.
See your blubbers - see your gill
What a world of drink your swill ...
Every fish of generous kind
Scuds aside or shrinks behind;
But you about your presence keep
All the monsters of the deep...
Name or title what have thee? ...
Are you Regent of the sea?
By your bulk and by your size,
By your oily qualities,
You (or else my eyesight fails),
You should be the Prince of Whales.

 

[ShortTimer]

Originally posted by Bigdavis
very true but if a woman disgusted at the thought of having sex with you (i don't know this to be true but i wouldn't sleep with a woman that was as fat as me) it doesn't matter how good your game is. right?

Work on other social skills right now, like meeting people and being friendly. Also, you can go places to just appraoch women in a 'friendly' way. Baby steps. That way, when you've lost all the weight you want you'll be ready for the real deal.

 

[es_mer8]

First off, congrats on losing the 35 lbs. I am in the same boat as you: I got sick and tired of my weight (although I started off as 5'11" and 250 lbs) and now I weighed myself this morning and I'm at 239 lbs. I feel proud of myself and every time I look in the mirror, the better I look. Maybe its just a mental illusion and maybe I looked good all along. I got a ways to go as I want to get to about 200 lbs by August. If its more, its got to be muscle weight, not fat. So I got a long ways to go but hell, its a start and I'm stepping up my cardio by a lot because this Friday, I am going to get a PS2 with DDR MAX. I enjoy that game and that can have some great cardio. I lift heavy but I doubt either will cancel out (cutting and bulking) I eat six small meals, most of them have protein, and I run at least 30 minutes daily, and lift heavy. In a way, I'd almost rather cut up than bulk up but lifting heavy is definitely a way of exercise and all that.

About your confidence, yeah its true; most women don't want anything to do with fat guys. I thought I was fat but I wasn't too far gone so I got some big shirts. One time a girl guessed my weight as 185 lbs and to me, that made me feel good because they were off by about 60 lbs but it shows that nobody really sees me as fat. A girl that I've been seeing for about two weeks (going to get it on tomorrow as we have another date set up) doesn't even know I'm fat and she thinks that its all muscle. Anyway, keep losing weight and you should see your image of yourself get better. While I'm sure you could land hot girls, your game would have to be exceptionally tight. I think you should try to land some attractive but fat girls. Maybe not huge but some chubby looking girls. There is nothing wrong with fat girls to be honest. There is this one that I work with. She is extremely hot but is best described as chubby. She has a few rolls in her belly but I often times check her out more than a lot of the skinnier girls there. If I ever leave behind the 8, I'll definitely move to that so I can have some more T&A to grab when I'm banging her. In my mind, she is an 8. If she loses 30 lbs (from her stomach, if she loses it from the T&A, that'd be bad), she'd be a 9 in my eyes.

So just lose your weight, try to gain your skill, and 100 lbs lost later, you could be landing the hot girls. Just stay dedicated to the cause.

 

[OleRyder]

Sensitive? Yeeesh...

 

[unclebob]

Losing weight does take time if you want to do it right, you should expect to loose like 2-4 lb a week so anywhere from 8-16lb a month depending on your activity level and diet. The main thing is just to stick with it and be patient. I lost 35lb but it took me 5 months to do it. Good luck