Query

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I seem to be attracting women who want long term relationships.

While I’m not necessarily opposed to this idea I do not wish to live with anyone, raise someone else’s children (in a stepfather role) or get married again. Too many legal risks and other downsides (e.g. quality and quantity of bedroom activities decrease due to lack of competition anxiety, familiarity, domesticity, hedonic adaptation etc. results in a gradual deterioration in the other relationship aspects over time).

As I mentioned in another post I’m currently dating a Vietnamese girl whom I know wants a father figure for her 10 year old son and eventually living together or marriage. She is 9 years younger than me, stylish and attractive, slim and while we haven’t progressed to the bedroom she is very open about satisfying bedroom needs through talks we have had.

She has actually done lots of research and talking to her friends on the subject with her most recent partner as she has only ever been with two guys in her life. I’ve already told her my bedroom drive is high and variety, surprise, experimentation etc. is important and she is on the same page.

Yet to be proven through actions obviously but it sounds like physical compatibility may be quite high. The issue is it will eventually come to an end as she will push for more commitment as mentioned above.

Do I just enjoy it for as long as it lasts? I don’t particularly like stringing women along but if I was honest with her about the end game she would pull the pin now and I do want to sleep with her (yeah, selfish I know but isn’t that why most of us guys are all on here?). Besides with anything new you need at least 6 months plus to see if the initial chemistry is sustainable. It’s easy for women to put out in the beginning to obtain a commitment but once commitment is given rarely continues from my experience.

If the physical side of things ends up being good it’s going to be hard to walk away but maintaining that long term is not a price I’m prepared to pay and she will probably make the decision for me. I don’t want to develop oneitis and do something I regret just for the sake of great bedroom fun.

I’m just finding spinning plates very logically difficult with the women I date as they all want to see me at the same time as things progress so 2 is my limit and even that is hard. There are a few others in the mix but I’ve had to let many go due to competing logistics and better options coming up.

Part of me thinks should I find someone who is more open to not living together etc. because every moment with the current girl (as great as the bedroom activities may be) is potentially a moment wasted with someone else that could last longer.

Advice welcome.
 

AmsterdamAssassin

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Like in the other thread about this, if you want to have multiple women drama-free, you have to be open with them about being non-monogamous and non-exclusive. And if they don't want that, that's too bad. Sure, loads of women will not want a relationship on those terms, but the ones that do stick around won't mind sharing you.
 

Hamurabimbi

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You have to be strong & firm. As they will attempt to wear you down. And they are relentless. I caved.
 

Manure Spherian

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I seem to be attracting women who want long term relationships.

While I’m not necessarily opposed to this idea I do not wish to live with anyone, raise someone else’s children (in a stepfather role) or get married again. Too many legal risks and other downsides (e.g. quality and quantity of bedroom activities decrease due to lack of competition anxiety, familiarity, domesticity, hedonic adaptation etc. results in a gradual deterioration in the other relationship aspects over time).

As I mentioned in another post I’m currently dating a Vietnamese girl whom I know wants a father figure for her 10 year old son and eventually living together or marriage. She is 9 years younger than me, stylish and attractive, slim and while we haven’t progressed to the bedroom she is very open about satisfying bedroom needs through talks we have had.

She has actually done lots of research and talking to her friends on the subject with her most recent partner as she has only ever been with two guys in her life. I’ve already told her my bedroom drive is high and variety, surprise, experimentation etc. is important and she is on the same page.

Yet to be proven through actions obviously but it sounds like physical compatibility may be quite high. The issue is it will eventually come to an end as she will push for more commitment as mentioned above.

Do I just enjoy it for as long as it lasts? I don’t particularly like stringing women along but if I was honest with her about the end game she would pull the pin now and I do want to sleep with her (yeah, selfish I know but isn’t that why most of us guys are all on here?). Besides with anything new you need at least 6 months plus to see if the initial chemistry is sustainable. It’s easy for women to put out in the beginning to obtain a commitment but once commitment is given rarely continues from my experience.

If the physical side of things ends up being good it’s going to be hard to walk away but maintaining that long term is not a price I’m prepared to pay and she will probably make the decision for me. I don’t want to develop oneitis and do something I regret just for the sake of great bedroom fun.

I’m just finding spinning plates very logically difficult with the women I date as they all want to see me at the same time as things progress so 2 is my limit and even that is hard. There are a few others in the mix but I’ve had to let many go due to competing logistics and better options coming up.

Part of me thinks should I find someone who is more open to not living together etc. because every moment with the current girl (as great as the bedroom activities may be) is potentially a moment wasted with someone else that could last longer.

Advice welcome.
She has a ten year old son and she is looking for a father figure for him. This is a serious aim. Why not just leave her alone, don’t waste her time, and find someone who doesn’t have this? I certainly would not meet the son if I had your intention.
 

AmsterdamAssassin

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You have to be strong & firm. As they will attempt to wear you down. And they are relentless. I caved.
As long as you're happy about your choices, it's fine.

I don't enjoy being claimed, so anytime a woman tries to claim me for herself, she can go and find the exit.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Newsflash.

Almost all women "want" long term relationships.

It's up to you not to give in to what they want unless they have earned it.

However, your typical "relationship" will not last more than 2-3 months if she doesn't see any progress so you'll need to do a lot of rinse and repeat with new women.
 

AmsterdamAssassin

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However, your typical "relationship" will not last more than 2-3 months if she doesn't see any progress so you'll need to do a lot of rinse and repeat with new women.
Mine stick around a lot longer, but maybe I give them more incentive to do so.
 

BaronOfHair

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While I’m not necessarily opposed to this idea I do not wish to live with anyone, raise someone else’s children (in a stepfather role) or get married again
Then don't!!! As of this writing, The Alt Right hasn't seized power and set up a dictatorship where we're all legally mandated to marry, produce 5 or more kids, and mistake The King James Bible and the scribblings of Rollo Tomassi for unassailable truth

Enjoy this freedom while it lasts
 

Manure Spherian

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BackInTheGame78

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Mine stick around a lot longer, but maybe I give them more incentive to do so.
You have to at least let them "think" there is hope for a long term relationship at some point. If they keep running into walls every time they try to move forward they just stop trying eventually.
 

AmsterdamAssassin

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You have to at least let them "think" there is hope for a long term relationship at some point. If they keep running into walls every time they try to move forward they just stop trying eventually.
No, they know from the start that I'm non-monogamous and non-exclusive. I don't ask them why they stick with me, but I figure they cannot get from other men what they get from me, so that binds them to me. Not a promise of exclusivity.
 

BackInTheGame78

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No, they know from the start that I'm non-monogamous and non-exclusive. I don't ask them why they stick with me, but I figure they cannot get from other men what they get from me, so that binds them to me. Not a promise of exclusivity.
I never said you "promised" them exclusivity. But you allow them to push it forward in some way.

No relationship will last if a woman is stonewalled at every turn. At least none with any woman who isn't desperate or has any self esteem.
 

AmsterdamAssassin

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I never said you "promised" them exclusivity. But you allow them to push it forward in some way.
Forward to what? Of course, as the relationship progresses and the trust increases we can do more outrageous things, but it still won't lead to exclusivity. I don't believe one woman can satisfy all my appetites. They're welcome to shoot for that, but even if they do I still won't go exclusive with them.

I firmly believe that the reason I don't have drama in my relationships is because the women I date know that if they start acting up, I will just walk out (or escort them out) until they come to their senses.

In most relationships, the woman offers a certain value she can barter for terms and conditions, but she'd have to be able to offer me something other women cannot provide. In terms of SMV or whatever you want to call it, my value to them exceeds their value to me.

No relationship will last if a woman is stonewalled at every turn. At least none with any woman who isn't desperate or has any self esteem.
Stonewalled? I don't stonewall, I have terms and conditions and boundaries.
You talk about 'will last' but when do you consider a relationship to 'last'? Years? Decades? One woman has been my lover since 2017 and she's still as passionate about us as in the beginning. Not all women desire exclusivity and those who agree to my terms and conditions are not desperate or suffering form low self-esteem.
 
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