As the title suggests I've known a girl on and off for something like the past 4 years.
She's a friend, sometimes a romantic interest - honestly I've stopped caring whether I get this girl or not.
I'm not going to lie - when I first met her, I felt an insane attraction (probably because she was so head and shoulders above the rest of the common women I had been dating/meeting/sleeping with).
As such I developed an interesting case of oneitis for this girl. Interesting in that she was never on a pedestal in the traditional sense. While i was 'courting,' this girl I had 3 girlfriends (semi-LTRs) and a number of casual flings. However, none of the girls i was with where ever enough and my mind always found itself comparing her and the women I was with at the time. She was on the pedestal in the sense that I felt that only she was worthy of my love and attention.
Why didn't I just get into a relationship with this girl?
I'm studying 10 hrs away (by car) from her. We met pretty much straight after graduation and then our goals for further study drove us away (distance).
We met periodically during semester breaks, but I kept it platonic. Or maybe she did - either way we both felt that something was there but knew it'd never work because of the distance, so we left it at that thinking that hopefully over time we could meet under better circumstances. Those better circumstances haven't shown themselves and I think I've matured to the point where I've realized, she's just a girl. A quality (Dr - Intern atm.) woman, that respects herself and has standards and ideals. Something i find lacking and rare in the large majority of modern woman.
Why the thread?
In a sense, I guess I just needed to talk about this. It feels like a turning point of sorts. Nothing major or fundamental - just a change in myself that I've long felt but never really accepted. I mention turning point because I've always known that although it is important to meet the right woman, (I'd like to be a father at some point, to pass on the important things that I believe are worth remembering) it is far more important to strive to realize your dream and in doing so, try or die trying, to fulfill it. Success ties directly in with this. It feels like so many of us men, and i use this term loosely because so many of us are just boys parading in the clothing of men (myself included), get sidetracked along the journey (money, women, status, etc) and in doing so end up stressed, depressed and chronically ill (keep in mind, if what you desire and dream of is money, women, status - that's perfectly normal and respectable; it's your life, make of it what you will and be happy in it. Fear no judgement from your peers, as long as you're not intentionally harming anyone).
I'm 22. I know nothing and my life has already started. I've failed to gain a real foothold towards my dream for the past 5 odd years and It scares the sh1t out of me when I think I think of where I'll be in the coming years. Still, I'm going to keep trying, even if everybody else thinks I'm being headstrong and stupid. Why? because deep down, I want to be a success. Plumber, teacher, doctor, carpenter - it doesn't matter as long as it's what you want.
How does this tie in with quality women?
It doesn't, not directly. I feel like it ties in with all women, just harder with a real woman - it's fine to let her go. Wish her genuine happiness and success and work your backside off to achieve your own. If she was a nasty piece of work, be the bigger person and accept her for who she is and walk away. Things will fall into place.
That's how I've come to feel. I may just be ignorant of the world, or I may be onto something great. But I feel too many of us stall for the wrong reasons. Trying to impress everyone else but ourselves.
Anyway, this thread derailed into something unexpected once i started typing... felt good to get it out there though.
As always, happy hunting fellow DJ's!
She's a friend, sometimes a romantic interest - honestly I've stopped caring whether I get this girl or not.
I'm not going to lie - when I first met her, I felt an insane attraction (probably because she was so head and shoulders above the rest of the common women I had been dating/meeting/sleeping with).
As such I developed an interesting case of oneitis for this girl. Interesting in that she was never on a pedestal in the traditional sense. While i was 'courting,' this girl I had 3 girlfriends (semi-LTRs) and a number of casual flings. However, none of the girls i was with where ever enough and my mind always found itself comparing her and the women I was with at the time. She was on the pedestal in the sense that I felt that only she was worthy of my love and attention.
Why didn't I just get into a relationship with this girl?
I'm studying 10 hrs away (by car) from her. We met pretty much straight after graduation and then our goals for further study drove us away (distance).
We met periodically during semester breaks, but I kept it platonic. Or maybe she did - either way we both felt that something was there but knew it'd never work because of the distance, so we left it at that thinking that hopefully over time we could meet under better circumstances. Those better circumstances haven't shown themselves and I think I've matured to the point where I've realized, she's just a girl. A quality (Dr - Intern atm.) woman, that respects herself and has standards and ideals. Something i find lacking and rare in the large majority of modern woman.
Why the thread?
In a sense, I guess I just needed to talk about this. It feels like a turning point of sorts. Nothing major or fundamental - just a change in myself that I've long felt but never really accepted. I mention turning point because I've always known that although it is important to meet the right woman, (I'd like to be a father at some point, to pass on the important things that I believe are worth remembering) it is far more important to strive to realize your dream and in doing so, try or die trying, to fulfill it. Success ties directly in with this. It feels like so many of us men, and i use this term loosely because so many of us are just boys parading in the clothing of men (myself included), get sidetracked along the journey (money, women, status, etc) and in doing so end up stressed, depressed and chronically ill (keep in mind, if what you desire and dream of is money, women, status - that's perfectly normal and respectable; it's your life, make of it what you will and be happy in it. Fear no judgement from your peers, as long as you're not intentionally harming anyone).
I'm 22. I know nothing and my life has already started. I've failed to gain a real foothold towards my dream for the past 5 odd years and It scares the sh1t out of me when I think I think of where I'll be in the coming years. Still, I'm going to keep trying, even if everybody else thinks I'm being headstrong and stupid. Why? because deep down, I want to be a success. Plumber, teacher, doctor, carpenter - it doesn't matter as long as it's what you want.
How does this tie in with quality women?
It doesn't, not directly. I feel like it ties in with all women, just harder with a real woman - it's fine to let her go. Wish her genuine happiness and success and work your backside off to achieve your own. If she was a nasty piece of work, be the bigger person and accept her for who she is and walk away. Things will fall into place.
That's how I've come to feel. I may just be ignorant of the world, or I may be onto something great. But I feel too many of us stall for the wrong reasons. Trying to impress everyone else but ourselves.
Anyway, this thread derailed into something unexpected once i started typing... felt good to get it out there though.
As always, happy hunting fellow DJ's!