Putting the ball in her court

[OleRyder]

OK, what do you all think? When I call a gal to set a date, and she says she can't do it on a particular day (but doesn't offer any alternative), here's what I say:

Me: Look, let me get it straight. You do want to go out with me, but can't?
She: No. (If I received that *honest* reply, I would have said bye and hung up, but I never do)

Usually:

She: Yes.
Me: Well, you have my number now, so call me when you know you're available and see if I am.

Logic behind the actions: for one thing, if she weren't honest, she's off the hook. For the other, I'm under no obligation to call her again. And, finally, if she flakes out on me (meaning that she's interested, but forgot), do I really want to go out with her? Whaddya all think?

 

[PRMoon]

If you don't really care about this girl but wouldn't mind going out with her then her having your number is a good strategy. I give my number to girls who ask for it and, typically, I couldn't care one way or the other about if they care about me or not.

I gave my number to one girl I met Saturaday night and she called me yesterday (sunday). The promptness of her call warrents a call back on my part in the next two to three days when I'll arrange a dinner or something of that nature. Regardless of the outcome, I didn't really care wheter or not this girl was going to call me but since she did, I felt good about giving her my didgets instead of the otherway around because I probably wouldn't of called her.

 

[jnallen]

Blow her off for awhile.

 

[32swf]

"Me: Look, let me get it straight. You do want to go out with me, but can't?"

WHAT? If someone calls me up to ask me on a date and begins a sentence with "Look" I'm gonna think he's an a$$ and not want to go out with him anyway!

If you call a women and ask her out and she can't do it that day, than you should say something like, "well, I'm busy for the next couple days, how about Thursday?" Don't blow her off because she has a life! At this stage of the game you haven't even gone on a date yet, you probably have no idea how hectic or non-hectic her life is, so give her the benefit of the doubt and try another day.

YOU'RE the one that called, so she's expecting you to do the planning. Even if she wants to counter-offer, she's probably just glad that you called and it doesn't even cross her mind to counter-offer. We don't think like that in the beginning because we don't want to appear desperate and we want you to do a little chasing.

 

[OleRyder]

OK, OK, that "Look,.." part wasn't quite what I said - in fact, the actual sentence was more like "Let me see,.. ". But honestly, she doesn't HAVE to say "yes", but if she does and never calls back, do I want to go out with a liar/flake? I have my standards, too.

And, yes, I do recognize she has a life. Guess what? So do I! If she wants to go out w/me, I give her a chance; else, my week is pretty darn full as it is.

 

[jnallen]

Don't blow her off because she has a life!


NO NO NO

You don't chase women after you have been turned down for a date. You create a challenge by acting non interested and let them chase you. Any other way you are out of the gate telling them you are going to let me lead you around by the nose. I agreed with you a long time ago until I got burned. If she is not interested enough to say hey I can't this weekend but can on this date then her interest level is not where it should be. You are setting yourself up if you go off calling her or chasing her.

Hence: blow her off and let her think you have other interests. she will feel that she may have screwed up and be losin her chance and chase you. Which is what women want to subconciously do anyway.

You chase her and you will get burned.

 

[jnallen]

And, yes, I do recognize she has a life. Guess what? So do I! If she wants to go out w/me, I give her a chance for it to happen; else, my week is pretty darn full as it is.

There you go. You have other things to do and she is not the center of your world. She has the opportunity to be a part of your life if she tries a little harder. Outside of that why do you need her. Lots and lots of hotties out here that will have real high interest level in you and you will have more fun with someone who has high interest as oppose to trying to raise her interest level where it may never get. This is as fun as pulling teeth. Trust me I have tried.

 

[Chemistry]

I dropped this on some girl on Sunday...

She did little to impress me on the day, so I took it to her before we parted ways on some...

"Good luck in your exams... and enjoy your summer"

Since we still have 4 relatively quiet weeks left in University, with no lectures, just the usual revision she looked at me in a kinda what the **** just happened way, lol...

She came back to me on some "I'm sure I'll see you before then" to which I replied "Well, you've got my number.. call me and if I've got some free time then I might be able to work it"

It was rather golden... she begun with the thought that I'd be askin' about catchin' some food together, a drink to follow up on.. since she was all on some "Fresh Start" thing... but I dropped her importance to me right down with the first comment to balance out the initial impression she had.. then put the ball into her court to make that call to me, which in turn puts the ball in my court on the whole reply and settin' it up, if I choose to do so...

The funniest part of it all was that later on that night she was tellin me how she'd got home an hour ago, how she's watchin the TV, askin me what I was doin'... all smiley faces and things, lol

 

[violator]

jnallen has the proper formula here. chasing women under these circumstances is counterproductive.

when a girl declines a date without a counteroffer or for no apparent reason, you simply say, "well, perhaps another time, maybe I will call you sometime" leaving the air of uncertaintly. If the girl is interested, she will think that she blew her opportunity and call you. the worst you can do is fish for another date, looking like a desperate chump.

 

[OleRyder]

Jnallen:

Yeah, I realize that blowing her off for the time being is a good idea. I am just not sure whether: "Good, I'll call you sometime and see if you have time" or "Good, YOU call me sometime and see if I'm available" is a better one.

 

[xblitz44x]

Good morning guys. This "challenge" bit is getting out of hand. Logically, it makes sense and sound like it would "work", but let me tell you a secret, it's not the CHALLENGE that is attracting her to you.

If the challenge is going to make her chase you, she has to have already been attracted to you to begin with. Turn the tables, would you feel "attracted" to an ugly beast just because she's 'challenging' you, and not calling you often? Personally, I'd be thankful that she's not calling as often. Challenge all you want.

The only reason that challenge SEEMS effective is because she is ALREADY INTO YOU, and now it seems like something is broke. She wants to be with you, but is under the (false)impression that she's doing something wrong because you're not (appearing to be) into her. So the "increased attraction" that you're seeing, is not increased attraction at all, just an increased EFFORT to show you how much she was into you to begin with. Most guys who try the 'challenge' bit like that, because they have low self esteem and to see a girl chase them strokes their ego a little bit.

Just present yourself, be real with her. If she's into you, she'll make it apparent. And if not then you can tell because she'll make THAT apparent to. Be real with her, and she'll be real back.

-Blitz