Put a magnet to my moral compass and can’t find my way home..

[European-DJ]

I'm not sure if any of my old SS mates are still here these days or if anyone remembers me, but I'm an old time user who owes a lot of my personal development to this forum. I have been active on this bulletin since I broke up with my first girlfriend and man did this forum change me for the better. I excelled in my studies, with my career and - needless to say - with women.

Ok, so why am I here? Long story short, I hooked up with a woman 2 years ago and things ended up getting very serious. Covid came around and we ended up staying and living together until recently, when she announced that she wanted to split in and she was going to move in with this other guy she had gotten oddly close to over the past few months who is also breaking up with his girlfriend (ok, I know, my girl is another castle and she probably has been for some time). I am devastated over it. She went from 2 years of love bombing me to becoming extremely cold in the matter of one evening and is now even refusing to be my friend. I live in a big city (NYC) and while there is plenty of people around, it can get very lonely very quickly when you don’t have that special someone to share your time with and your number of friends in this new city is limited.


For a long time, I honestly thought this was it, that I was going to hang up the seduction boots and finally settle down and raise a family.

Here comes the twist.

I have been keeping up with another LT relationship, which I have had for 6 years, for all this time and somehow my moral compass wasn’t strained and I always knew that sooner or later I would have to choose. Do not ask me how I kept it up, it was a miracle and Covid made traveling difficult so there was an excuse not to be with my other girl in the mid-west.

My mind is so twisted, that I am absolutely devastated. I'm a broken man. I am obsessing about the first woman whom I trusted 100% and gave everything to while we were together, and she has stabbed me in the back. This is the sort of experience that leaves a person with deep emotional scars and leaves them bitter and resentful. However, I am not justified in any way to feel this way given what I have been doing in the background.

So here I am, reaching out to you guys for support and a helping hand on what I am to do and how I can recalibrate myself. I'm not asking how to win her back, because that would be extremely cruel and I wouldn’t be able to justify anything like that. I just want to get my life back, get my emotions in check, stop the relationship with the longer LT woman and move on with my life. But right now I feel such misery and heartache.

 

[Plinco]

I'm not sure if any of my old SS mates are still here these days or if anyone remembers me, but I'm an old time user who owes a lot of my personal development to this forum. I have been active on this bulletin since I broke up with my first girlfriend and man did this forum change me for the better. I excelled in my studies, with my career and - needless to say - with women.

Ok, so why am I here? Long story short, I hooked up with a woman 2 years ago and things ended up getting very serious. Covid came around and we ended up staying and living together until recently, when she announced that she wanted to split in and she was going to move in with this other guy she had gotten oddly close to over the past few months who is also breaking up with his girlfriend (ok, I know, my girl is another castle and she probably has been for some time). I am devastated over it. She went from 2 years of love bombing me to becoming extremely cold in the matter of one evening and is now even refusing to be my friend. I live in a big city (NYC) and while there is plenty of people around, it can get very lonely very quickly when you don’t have that special someone to share your time with and your number of friends in this new city is limited.


For a long time, I honestly thought this was it, that I was going to hang up the seduction boots and finally settle down and raise a family.

You can never ever be that way. Even if you are raising a family she has to have respect for you; you have to be a more harden soul than that. That doesn't mean you can't have fun and enjoy life.

Here comes the twist.

I have been keeping up with another LT relationship, which I have had for 6 years, for all this time and somehow my moral compass wasn’t strained and I always knew that sooner or later I would have to choose. Do not ask me how I kept it up, it was a miracle and Covid made traveling difficult so there was an excuse not to be with my other girl in the mid-west.

My guess is that you should start completely fresh. Lots of young ladies out there. Go find yourself a hotter chick.

So here I am, reaching out to you guys for support and a helping hand on what I am to do and how I can recalibrate myself. I'm not asking how to win her back, because that would be extremely cruel and I wouldn’t be able to justify anything like that. I just want to get my life back, get my emotions in check, stop the relationship with the longer LT woman and move on with my life. But right now I feel such misery and heartache.

Keep yourself busy and you'll be fine.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Women can say you are the love of their life one day and broke up with you months later. I learned it the hard way.

 

[European-DJ]

Welcome back mate. Any man these days who fully trusts a women needs z reality check.
Give it time to heal. Learn more.
Never trust the love bombing, the words.
Always action with them.
They are opportunistic devils and they only real way a modern man can curve this is too have other women. Options

Yes, the opportunistic part is something I only came to realize recently when I reflected on my past relationships. It seems that a common theme emerges, which is characterized by this gradual distancing towards the very end and completed by something close to a branch swing..

either way, am still in the early phases where I am having trouble sleeping and focusing, but am sure it’ll get better with time!

 

[Atom Smasher]

Yeah she ejected out of the relationship months ago. That’s how she can be so ice cold now. If you look back, do you see that the handwriting has been on the wall for months?
Sorry to hear about your pain. I’m sure it will dissipate quickly as you start to realize that she wasn’t the great gal that your brain made her out to be. We usually mourn the loss of the idealized vision that we have of someone, not the actual person.

 

[deadmasterx]

If a woman says she loves you, always add a "right now" at the end of it. Why? Because women's emotions changes more than the weather in Portugal. The thing is, it will mostly happen as a reaction to your actions (or lack of action) or simple testing.

Either ways, she is now leaving you for someone else. You added that you wanted to be friends with her, which is understandable since you want to keep her as close as possible to "not let her go". The bottom line is, she's already gone. If you try to keep her around you will be humiliating yourself for a chance, punishing yourself emotionally for absolutely no reason, feeding her ego (I won't lie, the fact that she broke up with you and chose not to be friends is a sign that she may have a good character) and fooling yourself thinking she will come back.

I know it hurts, but let her go.

Naturally other women won't fill this void, but I think you should take this time to analyse your behavior in this relationship and see what can you do better next time.

Either ways, life goes on.

 

[spred]

OP, I was here when you came first time, I watched your progress then and envied your willpower to learn and change then.
You will forget the woman who left you faster than you think, get busy with things and it will go away. You will feel hate, betrayal, sadness, indifference then you will pity her.
I am surprised she has this impact on you given you say that you had another for 6 years.

 

[European-DJ]

Thanks guys, I truly appreciate your inputs and perspective. As always, they bring me a lot of calm and I will revisit your advice from time to time as I go through the healing process.

OP, I was here when you came first time, I watched your progress then and envied your willpower to learn and change then.
You will forget the woman who left you faster than you think, get busy with things and it will go away. You will feel hate, betrayal, sadness, indifference then you will pity her.
I am surprised she has this impact on you given you say that you had another for 6 years.

Yea, I know, which is the completely twisted part. I think that having spent the past two years almost entirely with the girl who broke up, I naturally grew closer to her. Nonetheless, it is still strange and it is something I reflect on a lot.

 

[behimo]

Biblically, a man has to love and lead a woman and a woman needs to respect the man.

Keep vigilant watch over your inner narrative and dialogue to yourself. When you catch yourself in your feelings(negative), remember that she disrespected you. Be a positive voice to yourself and move forward with the experience and lesson learned.

 

[European-DJ]

Yeah she ejected out of the relationship months ago. That’s how she can be so ice cold now. If you look back, do you see that the handwriting has been on the wall for months?
Sorry to hear about your pain. I’m sure it will dissipate quickly as you start to realize that she wasn’t the great gal that your brain made her out to be. We usually mourn the loss of the idealized vision that we have of someone, not the actual person.

Thanks Atom Smasher,

Writing was definitely on the wall about her looking to leave / break up at some point. Lots of petty things that she was not satisfied with and that I could not fulfill. Sex was amazing tho until the very last day (which is why the whole occurrence so strange). She literally just snapped out of it very suddenly and moved in. I know now that stuff with the other guy was being stirred up for a few months, but I had no idea while I saw her. I must admit, I am not a jealous nor controlling guy in any way and I was therefore caught completely off guard. Perhaps this is something I need to work on as well.