Punishment for Rules

[nan3109]

If you and your girlfriend have a set place of rules which say that you wont drink alcohol when your not with each other and she violates those rules , what should you do about it?

Here's the short story. I go and meet my girlfriend at her work and she looks like crap. When we get to her house I ask her what's wrong and she tells me "hangover", so I say "Had a few drinks eh?" And she tells me "Yes"

So I go and sit down and play a quiet game (you know) and she asks me whats wrong. I tell her she disobeyed our rules and she says "Oh my God, I just had one drink the whole night!"

And she tells me this after 2 days ago when I was with her she was drinking and drank about a whole thing of vodka.

She proceeds to explain her hangover as being from the night she drank all that vodka, but that was 3 days prior to this!

That is obviously a lie! Hangovers dont last that long!

What should I do to pay her back/ get her to pay me back?

 

[Starman]

WHy do you have these rules in the first place?? They are confining, suffocating and overbearing!

its like you are at bootcamp..and watching her 24/7

What is the purpose of the rules? so she wont drink (because maybe you dislike drinkers? )

or is it because she wont cheat on u while drunk?

whatever the case..this chick is eventually going to lose interest in your relationship if you are watching her actions like a hawk

 

[BobbDobbs]

Yeah, too many rules. You'll chase her away. She's already breaking them.

 

[nan3109]

if your girlfriend is 18 and acts CRAZY when she's drunk, thats just disrespectful to do

a girlfriend needs to show you respect

 

[Starman]

if you g/f is 18 and CRAZY..you chose to accept her for who she is

and she will do whatever she wants weather you like it or not..

making her do things she doesnt wanna do..will eventuially make her want to do it even MORE

would you want your girl telling you what you can/cannot do?? then trying to "punish" you for it?

 

[Howie Farkes]

Rules like that are just gonna encourage her to lie to you. You're basically telling her "you can't go out and have fun without me".

Scenario: She's out with her friends on a girls night out, what's the the first thing they're gonna do? They'll say "What nan3109 doesn't know won't hurt him" as they're placing a drink in her hand. So now she'll either feel guilty about having fun or just not tell you about it. Or both. Then she'll start to resent you and your dumb rules.

 

[squirrels]

If you can't trust her enough to "let" her drink when you're not around (as if you had any authority to set that rule anyway ), then you have issues.

Are you afraid she'll get wasted and bang some other guy? Don't give me that BS that it's for her "protection," unless she's prone to drinking-n-driving or is a recovering alcoholic or has suicide attempts under her belt or something. If I was your girl, I wouldn't put up with that sh!t. You're not her father...she gets enough rules at home, I'm sure. Stop making the relationship a responsibility and start making it FUN.

People who set explicit "rules" in their relationship, of the nature of, "You can only hang out with x if y is there, you can't have other guys over your house, you can't drink when I'm not around, you can't be here without me, you have to call when you go to x with y..." are generally insecure and afraid. This is not a problem with HER, it's a problem with YOU.

If she wants to get drunk with her friends, let her. If she wants to screw around, LET HER. If you don't like what's going on, LEAVE. You're trying to set rules because you feel like part of you belongs to this girl and you're so worried that if you lose her you'll lose that part of yourself, so you're trying to protect her with rules.

You are complete. She doesn't own ANY part of you. You are free to walk any time you want. Stop worrying so much.

 

[dionysius_d]

Rules will just make you both unhappy.. you can't control anyone really.

Is it a one off, or regular? Did she get smashed with girl friends or meet up with other guys later and go back to their place??

You have to put it into context.

Don't bother trying to "get revenge" on her..

Look I agree.. i would not be happy with such behaviour from a partner either.. but in the end, you can't control other people.

In the end, if you can't accept her behaviour, dump her.. or else work at accepting it.

 

[nan3109]

She gets smashed and hangs out at guy's places.

She HAS been prone to drink and drive (I've seen her do this before).

Anyways, last night I got stoned off my ass so I don't care what she does anymore and I'll tell her that.

 

[seulaxplaya]

rules are made to be broken and come on one drink does not get u hungover. if she drank so what. now this has opened up the door for u go drinking without her.

 

[Blaaaaat]

Originally posted by nan3109
She gets smashed and hangs out at guy's places.

She HAS been prone to drink and drive (I've seen her do this before).

Anyways, last night I got stoned off my ass so I don't care what she does anymore and I'll tell her that.

Why do you even persue this relationship? Can you give a honest answer to this question.

 

[nan3109]

Because they're her guy "friends" and I've meet them.

She's also a "tom boy" her whole life and likes doing sports and guy stuff.

But who knows? She complains that these guy friends always ask her "why do you have a boyfriend!?"

And I think she gets upset cause she was crying and telling me she has no real friends (sounds like an emotional wreck)

 

[Blaaaaat]

Can you say, "red flag" ?

 

[nan3109]

Originally posted by Blaaaaat
Can you say, "red flag" ?

Red Flag, please explain..... I'm still confused (seriously!)

 

[xblitz44x]

Just let her do what she wants man. She's going to do it anyway, behind your back or not. She probably loves the fact that you care so much that you actually enforce rules on her. It makes her feel desired. Next time she fvcks up say:

"Wow, that's awesome. I remember before I wound up drinking a bottle of Absolute and threw up on the dog. It was really funny. I was thinking, we should do away with these rules. There are some things that I would like to do, and there are things you would like to do and I think we should be adding to one another's lives instead of taking away from it. Go out and have fun....I want you to be faithful to me because you want to, not because you have to. "

-Blitz

 

[Starman]

yup what blitz said..Rule of dating..There are no RULES! especially not any set by you for her or vice versa..everyone has there own path in life..and they will do WHATEVER they want to do

(think of all the rules your parents imposed on you ..Chores, curfew, stay away from friend x...)

did you break them?? or follow them religiously?

 

[Blaaaaat]

Originally posted by nan3109
Red Flag, please explain..... I'm still confused (seriously!)

Red flags are signs/behaviors that that the girl you are dating have some serious flaws. These red flags should make you think twice wheter to NEXT a girl or not.

 

[Chewy Bagel]

Chicks who go out drinking w/out you are waaay more inclined to cheat or do something that she'll regret later on. I've nexted a girl b/c she went out drinking w/ a guy "friend" and his friend. She told me they dropped her off around 12 at her house. I found out later that she slept on his couch (at least that's the story I heard from her later on). Girls who drink and get drunk w/out you = bad news.