Pull Back for Good??

[Daniel1099]

So me and this girl have been off and on for like two years...

This summer we started talking again and seeing eachother but she DOES not want a relationship with anyone during summer and senior year, she is "tired" of them and wants to focus on friends, God, and family....

BUT

at the same time she still likes me and wants to still hangout, and gets jealous....

I Tell her, i have enough of friends...its either your going to be apart of my life or not. Im not going to sit around and be your boy toy, i want someone who is going to be with me and me only. All or Nothing


she said, well i cant make that decision now...

i said, ok then. let me know when you do.

Good night....



SO, i think im just going to move on to other prospects and see where life takes me...If she makes the call and says she wants to work things out then im all for it.

If she does call back, how should i handle it? i DONT want to just JUMP back in and act like i have been sitting by my phone for the past week...

 

[Captain]

This summer we started talking again and seeing eachother but she DOES not want a relationship with anyone during summer and senior year, she is "tired" of them

If she is attracted to you, none of that will matter.

and wants to focus on friends, God, and family....

Religious women = red flags.

at the same time she still likes me and wants to still hangout, and gets jealous....

Possible interest, make a move on her so you will know for sure.

she said, well i cant make that decision now...

Make the decision for her, make a move on her, if she doesn't reciprocate, forget about her.

i said, ok then. let me know when you do.

I wouldn't have said that, it gives her the power, I would have just walked off, ignored her, and waited for her to call.

SO, i think im just going to move on to other prospects and see where life takes me...If she makes the call and says she wants to work things out then im all for it.

Yes, but don't "work things out", there's not any working out to do. Don't talk, do.

If she does call back, how should i handle it? i DONT want to just JUMP back in and act like i have been sitting by my phone for the past week...

Play hard to get. See other women. Let her know she has competition.

 

[Analyzeit]

Captain said it, if she's attracted to you it won't matter at all.

You actually gave her a really hard choice, remembering that girls don't think logically they think emotionally.

But captain i'd really like you to tell me how he's meant to play hard to get, when she's ringing to say that she wants to be his girlfriend and he's already said that if she wants to be he will. In other words he's already said yes.

And with her ringing back, it's too late you've already jumped back in as i said above you've already said yes. You're not jumping back in you've already done that. She's the one that's jumping back in. You want to know how to handle when she rings back just start small talk if she doesn't come straight to the question, then if she still doesn't ask her again. It's all you can do really, you can't always show her she's got competition you can't always make her jealous. You may end up looking like you've been sitting there all week in other words a little desperate but then you've already told her you can stay or go, just decide so it's all good.

Fact is she's not going to ring up to say yeah i want to be part of your life then be completely unattracted to you by one phone call that doesn't make her realize she has competition or that makes her jealous. Your analyzing the phone call to much, it really doesn't matter that much.

It'll be interesting to see what she does if she doesn't ring back, if she end up screwing a different guy every weekend or just keeps away from that stuff you never know.

Anyway hope i helped, cya round

 

[Daniel1099]

well iv known this girl for a LONG time...

it seems like she just doesnt want to deal with guys at the moment because its senior year...she doesnt want to be tied down to anything, she hasnt been single for a long time and thinks this is what she needs at the same time she gets mad when she hears about me making out and getting head and ****.......she thinks highschool relationships are pointless and a waste of emotions...so idk man, i think im going to have to let this one go for good...

it sucks realizing highschool is almost over...knowing that the rest of this summer and my senior is the last chance me and her will ever work before i move to college and find someone else.


I want her to be IN my life...not just another girl im seeing.

 

[jeffthechef]

sounds like oneitis

 

[Daniel1099]

haha no....

if i was crying about this, and wondering WHY...WHY AM I NOT THE ONE SHE LOVES.

that my friend would be oneitis...

i have options. im still talking to other girls, im not completely distraught over this

i just want THIS girl. i dont have a problem if she wants nothing with me. i will respect that and move on.

but its either she is ALL mine. or nothing.

 

[KontrollerX]

Rollo's post to another user seems like it is just what the doctor ordered for you.

Well assuming your girl is around the same age range anyway.

Obviously its not tailored 100% to your particular situation but I think its close enough in a way that you may be able to get something out of reading it.

OK, lets break this down for a start. Everything you've listed about her behaviors and her rationale indicate that you are her Surrogate Boyfriend and your status will not change until she meets another guy to whom she is attracted to and interested in and opts for his attention above your own. This entire list really only serves one purpose for her, and that is to filibuster you and maintain your valueless attention until she's more comfortable with a new lover.

• has been hurt by guys in the past and claims she too is not ready for another relationship (she admits this is b/c she’s afraid of being hurt again).

Think about this logically. At 19, how much weight does this rationale really really hold? Hurt by guy(S) in the past, meaning more than one. At 19 her dating past is limited to the BFs she'd had in high school based on immature and adolescent social skills. We're not talking years long LTRs, were talking sophomore, junior, senior year nonsense. Unless she's been molested in the past this is all filibuster.

• claims she doesn’t want to bang me because doing so would “ruin our friendship, which is too important to her.”
• justifies her past of messing around with other guys – but not me – because of her past self-esteem issues: she was looking for someone to “love her.”

She was banging other guys WHO WEREN'T YOU. Women will ƒuck. They might not ƒuck you, they might not ƒuck me, but they will ƒuck someone. What were the commonalities among the guys she did ƒuck?

“I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship, which is too important to me.” Translation: "I'm not attracted to you and you will never see me naked." NEVER base your estimations or IL of a woman solely upon her words. Behavior is the only demonstrable proof of motivation. Self-esteem is a slippery slope for women. Self-esteem issues are used almost as often as "I was drunk" to justify behavior that she really wanted to engage in, but seemed contradictory and inconvenient when explaining them to you.

• has told me that she doesn’t know what the future will bring (o_0) but that I have the potential to be the guy she will fall head-over-heels for once she’s/we’re ready (I suspect this is due to my recent efforts to repair the severely mean things I’ve said to her in the past; she says she is still my friend today only because she knew I had a soft side).

Yes, potentially you could be the guy she "falls for" at 28-29 years old after having 2 children by the likes of the men she would, seek out to ƒuck with a vigor (as explained above) - the bad boys, the ones she's attracted to, the ones who's attention she had to earn, the guys who could give a sh!t whether they had a "soft-side". She'll "be ready" for a guy like you at 28 when her party years are over, her marketability wanes and she's looking for absolution and security from a guy who'll help her with the responsibilities she's brought upon herself. She'll say "where have all the Nice men gone? Why can't I find a good guy?" and you'll be there waiting ready to say "It's OK, I'll help you raise those kids", anything to finally get with your 'dream girl'.

• has been treating me like a boyfriend recently (hanging out at her house, communicating with me, laughing a lot, watched a movie at her place, eating together).

Of course you are, you're her Boyfriend Surrogate. All the benefits of comfort, familiarity, emotional support and interaction of a boyfriend with absolutely no expectation of reciprocating sex or intimacy. You can cover those responsibilities, and the guys who "hurt her" and are the result of her "self-esteem issues" will take care of bending her over the kitchen table and ƒucking her to glory. It's the perfect combination!

In anycase what you have to make sure you do is not let her trick you and what I mean by that is play your girlfriend for a few weeks and then gradually transition you back to being just a friend.

If she does that you need to quit fvcking around and ditch her for good as guys can waste years of their time going back to stupid indecisive b!tches.

You'll be one of those poor saps thats stuck in one of those dreadful on and off again dead end relationships.

Don't be that guy.

"If she does call back, how should i handle it? i DONT want to just JUMP back in and act like i have been sitting by my phone for the past week..."

Just speak normally and if she's game for a relationship make sure you stick to the agreement and walk permaneantly out of her life if once again she only plays your girlfriend for a while only to reveal it was a trick to get her desired AFC friendship companionship out of you.

 

[Daniel1099]

I think alot of Tomasi post applied to me very well. except for the sexual part, me and her are very sexual together, mess around all the time etc. she is also 17...and all her other friends are "Anti-Boy" right now

I think this is pretty dead on though.

She wants that FEELING of having a boyfriend and that COMFORT and SECURITY of someone giving them attention, but until that prince in shining armor comes in ...she wont fully commit.

So why should i stick around anymore? FUK THAT. im moving on,

im not going to say anything to her...if she wants to be with me, she wont just let me go like that

she will find a way to get in contact with me.

One more AFC question. I know its not good to talk to friends, but sometimes her friends are like "so how are you and so and so"
they eventually tell me that i should show her i CARE and that i WANT her and other shat...


so would it hurt to send her a text late at night in a week saying
"Hey just wanted to let you know that im thinking about you...
Night "

just to show that hey...even though im talking to other girls i still want you??

or does that break every rule of pulling back? haha