Protocol For Post-rejection: Part Ii

[juleswinns]

You fellas have been really helpful with your tips for my 'rejection' thread but I have faultered or at least I think I have. The story is that I got rejected by this girl at my university before summer break but besides whinning about it I decided to make her my catalyst for my game. During the summer I had sex and went out on numerous dates with other women and have continued to do so this fall semester. I had a great time and my game has improved so much that I feel like I am becoming the the person I want to be which is a strong and confident man. I wasn't even that worried about meeting her until I did this fall. I met her two times on campus and all those feelings of hurt came rushing back. The first was when she was walking towards me and into her job. She looked at me. I to a quick peep but continued to walk past her while in my peripheral vision I noticed her staring at me. The second was the same situation when i was on my way to class. Other people were walking between us but I can tell she was looking at me.

Did I **** up?
Can I recover?
Does this even matter?

I have to say something to this girl next time we cross paths because 1) I don't like being afraid of other people 2) I still have strong feeling about this girl more than ever but I don't want to be AFC and chase her.

I need your help fellas because I despise fear and childishness.

(here's a quick version of how I met and got rejected from this girl. I saw her at her job on campus and told her she was the most beautiful girl I've ever met. She invited me back to her job and I visited her every sunday for about 5 weeks until I wrote her a love letter. She dug it but told me she had a boyfriend but didn't mind that I visited her. I kept it up for 3 more weeks until she gave me a **** test which I failed miserably. Then the next visit to her work she immediately left the desk and never returned. The following day, I found out where she walked to class so I waited for her. I asked her if I was bothering her she said no and I asked her if we could be friends even though she had a BF. She obliged and we shook hands. I then mailed her a dvd to borrow but I never got it returned or a call back or a reply of any sort. That's when I through in the towel, so to speak. on the last day of school I walked out of my class and guess who was out there on the steps sitting. the girl was outside sitting with her back towards me but I could tell it was her so I quickly grabbed my cell phone and pretended to make a call. In my peripheral vision she kept looking at me and when I got across the lawn to my other class I looked back and she was stilling looking at my direction. I didn't care at that point because I knew I had a summer to recover from the pain I felt our so I thought.) :box:

 

[Naked_Publicity]

I know it sounds like some Zen nonsense, but this really is the best way that I can explain this concept- you need to just be. Not indifferent, not overbearing, not standoffish. You just need to not care. Even if you do (and you obviously do), you need to speak and act like you don't.

That's not to say be a jerk or passive, but more like acting like you've totally forgotten about the weak way you acted last semester, because you've become an entirely different person.

The way I see it, you've got a few options:
- Hit on her in a completely detached way, treating her like any other girl you meet for the first time at a bar.
+ Given a) the "history" between you two and b) your general tone, this doesn't seem like a reasonable option. If you had completely moved on, more time had passed, or you weren't into this chick in the first place, then maybe. But I just don't get that vibe.

- Hit on her with the same attitude you had last semester, in which you follow up five weeks of brush off with a love letter.
+ Hopefully you learned enough from last year and your experiences from this summer to know that this never works. Even if she goes for it, there's going to be some respect missing, ultimately killing the relationship anyway.

- Engage her under the guise of "being friends."
+ Again, based on what you describe happening last semester, and since you're "not over her," this does not seem like a viable option. Also, a generally bad idea.

- Ignore her completely.
+ Since you said you don't want to do this, we'll toss it out. Though, I'd consider it a valid option, unless you go to a small school. You have to be able to walk away from things. It's not necessarily about being afraid, it's just recognizing the situation for what it is and getting out.

So what's left?
It's what I referred to at the top- Just be.

It's being interested in the conversation without being clingy, it's being funny without trying too hard, it's being able to say something flirty without it being romantic, it's talking about growth (sexual, personal, financial, whatever) without saying "hey, look at me now, you f-ing blew it by not going for me!" and rubbing it her face or trying to make her feel guilty.

Act like you don't care weather she likes you or not (even if you do), but do not act disinterested. In short, it's about being able to talk to her and acting like you're happy to talk to her, and you could care less if she wants to talk to you or be with you, because your life is solid. It's about controling the situation.

If there is a spark of feeling there on her side of things, you'll turn the tables quickly. If there's not any interest, because you're making an effort to just be cool, hopefully you'll be able to eventually act normal around this chick, or if you walk away or she walks, at least won't kick your own ass about it anymore.

Two viable roads, in my opinion- Out of sight/out of mind, or, dedicate yourself to keeping control, but not being a total jerk, when you talk to her.

 

[juleswinns]

thanks

Thanks brother. I will go for 'control' because I see that as intelligent and powerful.