Prom-A Field Report

[someone800]

Hey,

As some of you may know, I was going to prom with a girl I asked, but then the other day, there were some problems that popped up as described in this other post:

Today, on the trip, I was going to sit next to her and talk and stuff but never really managed to do that because she sat with her friends. Otherwise, we got a few bits of casual talk in.

Anyways, I was talking back and forth with her friend who's my friend who hooked me up with her and then she found out and told me what shot me down:

Apparently, she's not allowed to date; she thinks of me as probably a friend, and she is going with me because she doesn't want to "crush" me.

WHAT THE ****! EVERYTIME! I must be the most AFC person I know. Obviously, this is a "nice guy" scenario. What do I do now? Prom is tomorrow and we are still going. I already bought mine and her ticket (total $50) and ordered a $20 corsage. Then, there is dinner tomorrow night which will probably cost around $30-$40 for the two of us (I don't want to pay, but people say I should).

This is going to be really weird. What is the DJ way to handle this scenario and still have a blast at prom?

I didn't get any replies from here, so I did some improv. I decided I would still dance and try to have a great time. It turned out to be mediocre. We went to dinner with a group of other girls and that was nice. I paid for her dinner (since I invited her anyways) and an appetizer the group got (since I was the only guy).

After dinner, we walked around a bit and took pictures. Then, we left and got to prom. Not many people were there at first but later there were and people were starting to dance. I was wanting to dance a bunch (grind and stuff) and she kind of was too I guess. We got up there and started to "dance." She was just doing solo moving around along with the rest of the group, so that's what I went ahead and did even though I wanted to go ahead and grind and do more personal dancing despite us apparently going as friends.

Throughout the dance, she sat down and talked a lot with the group and I followed suit. I was getting really pissed off inside because throughout the dance, she and her *single* friends were just standing around a lot saying stuff like, "Oh, look at them! They look so nice." I'm just standing there thinking, "What the heck is wrong with you-this is prom, you are supposed to be dancing and have a great time!" In fact, I even put my arm around my "date" and one of her friends in our group and told them that. They said that they were sophomores, tired, etc. I told them that so what, not many sophomores get to go to prom and they said there were a lot (not really).

Then there were the couple slow songs we danced too. Wow. That was embarrassing. First thing I did when we started was the standard grab her waist with both my hands routine, but she took one of my hands in her hand and held it up and throughout the dances we were almost arms length apart. I could feel tension in her arms to the point where obviously I couldn't get closer (keep in mind I had pretty much already decided I wasn't going to pursue a relationship with her after what happened in the quoted post at the beginning of this thread-I was trying to have a good time).

My friends also throughout the dance were telling me to advance, but I told them what was happening with her and one of them suggested to not give her a ride back unless she danced with me.

At one point in the dance (when the group went to "use" the bathroom), I got up and went and danced with a bunch of other chicks for a while. I even semi-grinded with one girl I didn't really even know (in comparison I never grinded with my "date."). After that, I went back to look for the group and thought they had left and just as I had almost concluded that and was about to have fun as a single guy, I found them.

Basically, after this we went to after prom for a bit and then I took her home.

She is a nice person, but a little bit to awkward and nice.

Overall this school year, this is my third "fail(?)." I am sick and tired of being the "nice guy" but I also don't want to have to turn into the **** that gets the girls.

Any tips/comments based on the field report? Thanks.

 

[ARrocket]

Well, you already knew before the prom that she only saw you as a friend, so you shouldn't have expected much. If I were you, once I started dancing with the random girls, I would have just continued like that...and then maybe meet up with the group again right before leaving.

But, in order to really help you, we would need to know what happened before hand that caused her to LJBF you.

 

[someone800]

Well, you already knew before the prom that she only saw you as a friend, so you shouldn't have expected much. If I were you, once I started dancing with the random girls, I would have just continued like that...and then maybe meet up with the group again right before leaving.

But, in order to really help you, we would need to know what happened before hand that caused her to LJBF you.

I think it has to do with me putting her "on a pedistal." It was only around a week till prom when I asked her and I didn't want to take risks incase I lost her as a "date." And as I mentioned earlier, it seems like I am always the "nice guy."

 

[ARrocket]

Well, now you know what not to do next time

 

[someone800]

Well, now you know what not to do next time

Yeah, thanks, but a reason for this thread was for more advice I guess? This was my third "failure" this school year (still, this is good for me (but sad at the same time) because this is I believe the most attempts in a school year I've made) and I really just want to get out of being the "nice guy"/"emotional tissue." I also don't want to be a jerk though.

The first "failure" I am now good friends with and one time we were talking and I was driving and she mentioned to me, casually, how many people she's made out with since she moved here (around the beginning of the school year) and said it was around thirty or something like that. She never made out with me or anything like that, so yeah.

The second "failure" was me getting a homecoming date. I was to shy to ask her, so her friend got her to ask me or something like that because she liked me too (this was before I joined this forum). A few days before the dance, we were at a football game and her, I and some other friends went back to someone else's house and watched a movie for a while. I was moving right along as I some how flirted my way to cuddling with her on the couch most of the time. That night was great as it was pretty much what I wanted in the social part of life: the girl, making new friends, having fun, etc. A few days later, the dance happened and she wasn't like that one night and around thirty minutes into the dance, she left with another guy because apparently, she thought we were going to fast and I was a bad dancer.

And the third "failure" is the one I speak of in this thread.

As you see, I seem to always be the nice guy. What pisses me off is it seems a lot of people in high school think of people as "rocks" throughout it. People do change, especially in their high school years (I think we can all atest to that). The thing is, wanting to change and trying to change, it is like when we try acting different for the better at school or to our peers, it is like hitting a wall prehaps.

I even read on this forum somewhere about using kino how for people like me who hardly use it start trying to use it with peers, they freak out because they aren't used to it. For example, the girl I mentioned earlier in this post who I am good friends with now, I remember trying to get a hug once and she didn't really do it and acted surprised, "Someone800! You never ask for hugs!"

So, once again, thanks for the replies, but I am trying to get more in-depth answers that will help me understand how to change my confidence and stuff.

Thanks.

 

[ARrocket]

Sorry, I'm insanely tired and have a ton of homework.

But asking for hugs is NOT kino. It's much more complicated than that. And you have to initiate it from the beginning, and often. When you meet new girls, use it from the start. Be C&F, and be hard to get...don't be too available. Flirt with other girls, and just have fun. Don't spend hours on the phone with her listening to her problems either.

 

[someone800]

Sorry, I'm insanely tired and have a ton of homework.

But asking for hugs is NOT kino. It's much more complicated than that. And you have to initiate it from the beginning, and often. When you meet new girls, use it from the start. Be C&F, and be hard to get...don't be too available. Flirt with other girls, and just have fun. Don't spend hours on the phone with her listening to her problems either.

Alright, thanks for the tips. I really appreciate you taking your time to help me with this. I will try to remember the hug from the beginning thing though-now that I think about it, I see some of my friends do that.