Problems with my wife

[dude99]

Advice for the future. Do not pack up and leave them. It shows you are butt hurt and they well just act sweet again to sucker you back in.

KICK THEM OUT AND CHANGE THE LOCKS. This sends a bigger message and shows you can't be bargained with.

 

[Soul83]

How can I kick her out? Her parents are here complicating things. If they refuse to leave, then what?

 

[dude99]

One more thing you should know. Her parents are living here in the second bedroom. Her and her parents paid the deposit for the apartment. I pay the mortgage repayments.

Doesn't matter. Throw them out too.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Doesn't matter. Throw them out too.

I doubt that he can, under the law, assuming it is similar to the US/UK laws. In order to kick out anyone, you have to go through a formal eviction proceeding. Otherwise, she would just come back with the cops.

Another unfortunate fact is that the next time they have a domestic violence incident, the only witnesses are going to be her parents. And whose side do you think they will take? She'll come at him with a knife again, neighbors call the cops, parents lie to cops, and he goes to jail. It happens all the time.

 

[dude99]

I doubt that he can, under the law, assuming it is similar to the US/UK laws. In order to kick out anyone, you have to go through a formal eviction proceeding. Otherwise, she would just come back with the cops.

Another unfortunate fact is that the next time they have a domestic violence incident, the only witnesses are going to be her parents. And whose side do you think they will take? She'll come at him with a knife again, neighbors call the cops, parents lie to cops, and he goes to jail. It happens all the time.

If that is the case then his only choice is to take all his possessions and leave for good.

Cancel the lease or sell the place, divorce her and not look a back.

Disrespectful. Violent. Cheating tendencies. He should dump. Walk. And not ever talk to her again. Thank goodness he hasn't had kids with her.

 

[Morpheus]

How can I kick her out? Her parents are here complicating things. If they refuse to leave, then what?

I doubt that he can, under the law, assuming it is similar to the US/UK laws. In order to kick out anyone, you have to go through a formal eviction proceeding. Otherwise, she would just come back with the cops.

Another unfortunate fact is that the next time they have a domestic violence incident, the only witnesses are going to be her parents. And whose side do you think they will take? She'll come at him with a knife again, neighbors call the cops, parents lie to cops, and he goes to jail. It happens all the time.

I agree. I can't imagine that this wouldn't happen in Australia as well, following exactly the same logic.

As the others have implicitly suggested, you need to get legal advice as to how you can best extract yourself from this situation or you stand to lose a hell of a lot more than you have already lost. Given all the complications and different jurisdictions, you aren't going to find that on the internet.

Above all, you can't afford to have a child with her.

Things are already far too complicated. You may well have to leave to protect yourself from something like the above potentially happening.

 

[Morpheus]

One more thing you should know. Her parents are living here in the second bedroom. Her and her parents paid the deposit for the apartment. I pay the mortgage repayments.

That they (and her) also have a financial interest in the apartment makes it all look staggeringly complicated.

On top of that she is, if I am not mistaken, your wife, and so, as everywhere in the western world, no doubt implicitly has more rights than you do. So the apartment being in your name may well not amount to much, though I guess it is better than nothing.

 

[Alvafe]

my take on this all, serious you guys should say this, look for a lawyer, ask him what you should be doing, any new agression from her make a poilce report, also tell the whole history to the lawyer and see waht it can be done, a restraining order on her can be done, if you ahve a copy of that police report even better.

what else you can do? stop paying the bills, btw why the hell her parents are there? you already have a child with her? any chance you can deport then? again lawyer, talk with one ask for info tell teh whole history, protect yourself, close all bank accounts, if you still have your parents see if you can store your money with then(if you can really trust then that is), don't pay for anything anymore and don't help her on anything

 

[BeExcellent]

She has lost all respect for you as others have said.

In addition your in-laws are inciting her.

You have to get legal advice. You should not have sex with her any more.

You keep up at the gym. Cut carbs. Get a into great shape. Continue working out. Do you have a mate you can room with until you get through this? So you have a place to crash at or stay at if it gets really bad?

A baby is a horrible idea at this point.

What if you said to her gee we can't afford the mortgage payments and put your place on the market? Then let it sell and once it sells pay your in-laws back and insist on your own place...

In other words let the sale force her & her parents out. You can't just throw them out of their legal residence.

You don't sound strong enough to persuade them to move emotionally. Then add in the fact that they have money at stake...they aren't going anywhere.

You need to lead at home. Do not engage in drama. If she starts to get crazy just walk out.

You need to reverse engineer the situation. Figure out what you want & then you work out a strategy to get there. Right now you don't know what your desired end result is.

Go to a lawyer, get some advice and decide what YOU want. Only then can you proceed. Divorce is nasty but living with her disrespect is worse.

I'm a woman who lost respect for my husband. It ruined the marriage. We get along SO much better after divorcing (we have kids so we remain involved in each other's lives)

You have to weigh your options and move forward. You have my sympathy. It's a horrible place to be.

 

[sazc]

If you expressed your unhappiness with her behavior, and she completely blew you, and how you feel off, that says it all. Marriage is supposed to be about your partner. You really want your 'ride or die' next to you. Its about loving and being as unconditional as you can be. Its really hard to find the right person. She doesn't sound mature enough to be ready for a real marriage. Please don't bring a baby into a relationship that YOU are not happy with. Babies are added stress and that WILL be a money ticket for her. Babies enhance a relationship buy ONLY IF the relationship is truly good to begin with. Good luck.

 

[sazc]

Thankyou. I live in Australia. There's a 1 year clause of living apart. The apartment is in my name and I don't want to get caught up in losing it. Or be forced into paying maintenance for abandoning the home etc.

I did what you suggested once before very early in our relationship. Packed up everything and walked out. Even took all the cutlery and sheets etc. Left her with nothing in the apartment. She called asking me to come home and I said I was too tired to do that. I stayed away for 2 days. Things improved. This was in China. We lived together over there.

Second time I did that was here in Australia. Things got out of hand and she lunged at me with a knife, cut down a large poster etc. I came back the next day with my parents to collect everything. A couple of days later she was begging me to return. I stayed one night with her but told her she better not pull an act like that on me again or she can get on the next flight to China and forget about a life with me. It was awkward but we sorted ourselves out.

We have been married for 5 years. I've been through a few ups and downs since then. We just moved into our new apartment only 2 months ago. Our first home. She invited her parents to stay here for 12 months to help us out. The plan was for them to cook her favourite food and to look after a baby while we worked.

She used to get aggressive when she was angry. To the point of throwing things and breaking them. When we just moved into the apartment, I had packaged all of her shoes into a suitcase because she wouldn't come and sort then out after I finished building a new shoe cupboard.

She found the shoes in the morning and grabbed a heap of my wine and coffee and threw them across the floor. Took a photo to send to me from work. Crazy. I left a police report in case it escalated. A week later I had to take her to the police station to leave a report because she had gotten into a punch up with her female colleague and the colleague's husband was threatening to send gangs after us and making death threats. I don't trust the Chinese so I felt a bit unsafe for a while.

I have seen her post stuff up on her social media before that challenged me and resulted in me getting a bit annoyed with her.

Only recently we had a couple of bad fights where she got quite nasty. I was going down on her and she started asking to watch porn to make it faster!! I couldn't believe my ears. Not long after that she started swearing in a way I haven't heard from her before. I don't know where she picked it up. But she came home and seen my upset face and immediately started saying f...off. I had a difficult time the night before trying to conceive with her and she got nasty then too. Saying I can f off if I can't give her a baby and she will find another bloke who can.

Yeah that was 2 weeks ago and I haven't forgotten what she said. A checkup on my health reveals I'm healthy and there's nothing to stop me from having children. But I won't forget what she said.

That's a bit of our history. She comes back to me after cooling off and tries to apologise for being verbally aggressive.

Ummm, yea...lawyer up, get a plan, and get out

 

[sodbuster]

No win situation, the only question is how long you want to keep losing..... get out NOW. Normal women don't pull all this sh1t. OR ignore everyone here and stay with her, have a kid and truly screw up your life for the next 20 years as you pay child support for a kid you never see, who has been taught to hate you.....