Premature Termination

[Desdinova]

Anyone here ever terminate a relationship solely because they misread her actions? Perhaps she wasn't texting or calling you much, but always appeared crazy about you when you were spending time with her. And then one day you decide that because she's not contacting you enough, she has low interest and you end it. She's confused and devastated.

Anyone done that?

 

[Die Hard]

First of all, I must note that you sound like your head's not in the right place at the moment...


Anyway, the only time I've done that was when I was waaaaay to emotionally invested with a girl. I wanted her to like me so much, any lack of attention from her side made me feel uncomfortable. I would take offense by the smallest actions of her that I deemed "inconsiderate".

Things I associate with this kind of situation: infatuation, emotional turmoil, BPD...

 

[Desdinova]

My head's not in the right place because I'm tired and functioning on 4 hours of sleep.

I'm asking this question because I think I may have done it with two of the women I previously dated, and I've been on-and-off tempted to do it with my current gf. I know that this is a problem for me and I'm trying to figure out how to remedy it.

 

[ebracer05]

Yes. I almost did that with my current gf at the beginning of our relationship. I don't think the sosuave archetype of high interest girls is generalizable to the entire population. There are many girls out there today who will blow you and your phone up with texts, attention, and date requests if they have high interests... but I strongly believe there are still girls out there who for whatever reason still defer to the man to work that stuff out.

When I end up devastating some girl out of the blue, it's usually one of these girls. This is why I don't put a lot of stock in what happens when we're apart and make my decisions based on what's going on when we're together. If I really like a girl, I'd feel much better about making a decision that was based on something more substantive than call/text volume or some other subjective interest barometer. IMO, sexual escalation paired with willingness to spend time with you in the absence of spending money are the only interest barometers necessary to observe.

 

[SoldMySoul]

My head's not in the right place because I'm tired and functioning on 4 hours of sleep.

I'm asking this question because I think I may have done it with two of the women I previously dated, and I've been on-and-off tempted to do it with my current gf. I know that this is a problem for me and I'm trying to figure out how to remedy it.

Not enough sleep??? I have lost a lot of sleep last year and half and it certainly destroys logical thinking Des. I have had bouts of insomnia and let me throw this at ya. If you continue to do it long enough, you develop psychosis. You will start to imagine all kind of $hit, real and perceived. It will ruin your life man. It almost did mine. Only thing it ruined was a decent relationship.

Now I have that out way, I suggest first and foremost, get your fvcking sleep!

Second, I have had enough sleep and did what you said about wanting to next a women because of the things you mentioned. I will withdraw a good bit if I do not next them. It is all about what you can tolerate. These days I tolerate very little game playing. I am way past putting up with that sort of garbage. Just no need in it.

You must ask yourself once you get sleep and square your $hit away, is what you feeling real or perceived? If it is real, you act and play the cards you are dealt.

 

[Colossus]

Yeah I've done that. You gotta be careful. Especially with a sosuave/DJ mentality it can be easy to be trigger-happy and drop a girl based on an assumption or misunderstanding.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I've always thought the sosuave Next! mentality was oversimplified and represents a fear of getting hurt. She can't hurt you if you hurt her first, right?

 

[CrashOverRide]

Good post Desi... I think we all can relate to this. I've had girls not answer my text or call, and either contact me the following day, or respond to a future text I sent. We then ended up hooking up....

All women are different with regard to their habits, manners, and common sense. My philosophy is dependent on who my target is. If I am going for an LTR, a lack of courtesy is definitely enough to next the girl (I mean you want to be in an LTR with someone who you can depend on right?)

If its a girl you just want to mess with... just don't give a flying F... and text/call when you feel like it. Try to set things up and just go for it.

Who really cares about her response habits if she doesn't mean anything to you?

 

[Boilermaker]

I've always thought the sosuave Next! mentality was oversimplified and represents a fear of getting hurt. She can't hurt you if you hurt her first, right?

^

Bible Belt is one of the smartest guys on this forum Lot of truth in what he said.

Although, if we will reject the simplistic next-ing mentality, what will we replace it with ?

When is it disrespecting or not caring too much? Obviously there must be well-defined boundaries to keep us getting sucked into a drama pit.

I am not claiming I have the answer, I am pointing out a vulnerability in the theory.

 

[disgustipated]

I just nexted one for her actions not being congruent with her words and texts. 3 dates in, we had only kissed and just some light petting...initiated by me. When her kids were gone she never made that extra effort to get alone time for us either. Everything came off as forced, I damn near felt like a molester when she wouldn't be reciprocal with the petting. But she texted me with a lot of enthusiam, just never manifested in her actions.

She did NOT remind me of a highly interested person and I need that in a Gf or mate. So I wrote her off as low interest or cold fish, can't roll with either.

 

[SoSuave666]

I find it's always best to err on the side of your own benefit. If you are considering dropping her because she has dropped some attraction then was she ever really worth it in the first place? You being a moderator on here, I'm going to presume you know how to raise attraction in women. With most girls I find myself fooling around with, attraction tends to fade past the "honeymoon" stage. All you need to do is rebuild some attraction there and she will be doing the same things she did at the beginning of the 'ship. Relationships are roller coasters, so if every time there is a lull or a descent you simply end up giving up, you won't get very far.

Think back on those two exes you "prematurely terminated." Are you happy you did? Do you still want them in your life? Did breaking up with them lead you to a better person in the long run? Usually your gut instinct is right as a dude. We have been given this primal instinct of sensing attraction. If you feel she really is losing attraction beyond repair, then it's time to cut the chord no matter how bad you feel about it as it will be better for YOU in the long run.

*Concerning sleep: I try to sleep as little as possible throughout the day. I just have too many things I want to get done. Not trying to sound righteous, just the way I am. I get about 5 hours of sleep every night and feel fine the next day. I work out a lot and eat right. Diet will help balance your sleeping habits. I find 5 hours of sleep to be plenty for me. I guess every person is different though.

**I once prematurely terminated a girl. She started acting funny and didn't text me as much. I felt like she was very interested in me when we were together, but apart it felt like a competition of who could care least. I dumped her to protect my ego. Turns out she was having a pregnancy scare (from me) and didn't know the right way to tell me. She didn't tell me this until 4 months after I had broken her heart and she moved on. I felt like a d!ck.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Yes.

Remember the following (which I rarely do): don't say anything, don't do anything, just spin plates. Keep your mouth shut.

You are ready to end things because you want to preempt her doing it to you to avoid being the loser. Don't do it! Just spin plates and go NC -- get your heart set on it being over but don't make the mistake of killing what doesn't need to be killed.

Remember, once you say something you can't take it back, so if you don't say anything you are in a better situation than not.

 

[Desdinova]

Rollo deleted some great posts from members with 'no age listed in profile' so I moved the thread to DJD.

When I end up devastating some girl out of the blue, it's usually one of these girls. This is why I don't put a lot of stock in what happens when we're apart and make my decisions based on what's going on when we're together. If I really like a girl, I'd feel much better about making a decision that was based on something more substantive than call/text volume or some other subjective interest barometer.

I fvcking needed to hear this. My gf has always been lousy with texting - (with the exception of when she initially got her new phone.) She's not one of those girls who's glued to the thing. She usually leaves it in her jacket pocket, on a table in another room, and forgets to charge it somewhat frequently. When she goes a long period without texting me, it usually means she's busy doing something which DOESN'T involve fvcking another guy (she wrote an extensive blog entry last night.) She also has a large family that she spends a great deal of time with.

When I'm with her, she can't keep her hands off me. She is ALWAYS touching me, scratching my back, rubbing my arm, laying her head on my chest, etc. She's got a fantastic temperament and I've never seen her super p1ssed off. She's a bit touchy a day or two before her period, but that's about it. Otherwise, she's been an incredible gf.

I have lost a lot of sleep last year and half and it certainly destroys logical thinking Des. I have had bouts of insomnia and let me throw this at ya. If you continue to do it long enough, you develop psychosis. You will start to imagine all kind of $hit, real and perceived. It will ruin your life man. It almost did mine. Only thing it ruined was a decent relationship.

Now I have that out way, I suggest first and foremost, get your fvcking sleep!

The lack of sleep has been an on-and-off again problem. When my sleep gets disrupted in the middle of the night, It takes forever to get back to sleep or I don't get back to sleep at all. Last night my kid woke me up at 2:00 for his athsma medication, and I was up for the rest of the night.

Think back on those two exes you "prematurely terminated." Are you happy you did?

It was most certainly for the better, but I had so much intolerance for small petty bull5hit that I went crazy and just dropped them. Their ILs were still very high, and they were incredibly hurt. I could have dealt with the petty bull5hit much better, but I didn't.

I think a lot of this stems from my ended marriage. I put up with so much bull5hit from her solely because of that stupid marriage contract, and I ended up lonely, sad, mad, and every other emotion under the sun.

It's funny... ten years ago I didn't have a cell phone with text messaging. I had a land line and I would talk to women on the phone for 5-10 minutes every couple of days, mostly just to set up dates. Now I'm texting and if I don't get a response in a couple of hours, I go all fvcking stupid. Funny how reliant I've become on the damn thing.

On the plus side, it can be (and has been) a great seduction tool.

 

[3countriesPlan]

I'm sure alot of people on this site have.. it's the NEXT theory where you next every b1tch who isn't keeping it 100 but then again some people next after she doesn't pick up the phone once. I next pretty easily too in the beginning but after a bit of time investment I will slow the nexting a bit just to make sure I'm making the correct decision.