posture..

[quest]

hey guys.

i know that appearing confident is just as important as being confident.
i feel confident, bordering arrogant, in most aspects of life. but apparantly i don't appear to be as confident as i feel.

and i KNOW alot of guys here share this problem.

i make a concious effort to stand properly (i go for shoulders back, straight back, chest flared a tiny bit, that right?)
but my shoulders are definenlty not broad, infact they are quite far from it. i don't know if body building can greatly fix that? and i THINK thats the main problem.

could anyone who has worked through this point me in the right direction?

weather it be building the muscle in shoulder or back, or if its classes on posture or whatever.
cheers

 

[Climax]

hmmm...

quest said:

i make a concious effort to stand properly (i go for shoulders back, straight back, chest flared a tiny bit, that right?)

That sounds just about right, but maybe you tend to overdo it abit which may lead to you looking tence or nervous... its impossible to LOOK confident for long if u ARENT confident, its just not possible... When u say that u feel confident, are you really? or are u lying to yourself?

Otherwise, body building etc might help u look come confident, but u dont have to have muscles etc to be confident... I have scrawny short friends that have more confidence than some of my friends who are models.. its all in the mind and your way of looking at things/life.

quest said:

could anyone who has worked through this point me in the right direction?

Just walk into the place and think to yourself that u own the place, dont be too contious about yourself, stop worrying about what people are thiking of you, and just be yourself and have fun.. pretend to yourself that it is just you and your buddies there, ignore the fact that there are alot of people around you. Going with a few girls might also help your confidence when going to public places.... well thats all i can think of at this point, so i hope it helped in some way...

Laterz...

 

[sexual_intellectual]

hey quest - I know where you're coming from.

Its not that I'm not confident, but I have one hell of a slouch, and my neck is almost always bowed.

I've heard good things about the alexander technique, but I never tried it. Personally, I did a few weights at the gym, it really started to straighten me out.

My guess is some of my posture muscles were so weak, it didn't matter how much I tried to stand tall, the muscles couldn't hold my neck up. At the moment I just do a circuit at the gym 2/3 times a week, though I'm gonna start a mass gaining programme on monday!

IMO, working out is the answer to your problem.

 

[squirrels]

If it's tension, then you need to relax.

If it's the muscles themselves, working out CAN increase your shoulder-breadth. I bust the hell out of my shoulder muscles. I need to...my head is huge.

 

[Alpine]

All above tips yes.

Some other ideas, and beyond just posture.

Also. Take up space. When you sit spread your arms across the chair, or on the table or bar. Keep your knees apart. All the opposite to what a shy person does when you think about it.

When you enter a shop, bar etc stop dead as you come in the entrance, pause, then move across open space to get to where your going.

Eye contact, smile and breath slowly and deeply from you belly.

I'm short and 135lbs and in the last few months I've gone from one extreme to the other. It makes a huge difference.

A new one I'm trying. Sit at the head of a table whenever possible. This gives you immediate status.

These are some very powerful subliminal indicators of confidence and Alpha status, be warned though that it can rub people up and they don't know why.

I even think I've lost the odd mate because they now feel threatened. I've tried to explain this stuff but they think it's all bollocks and they don't believe they have been influenced this way.

But the ladies love it.

 

[Climax]

Alpine: nice idea's... and also very true... but you also need to remember that being the "alpha" doesnt just mean that u sit there and think that people will think of u as an "alpha", what Alpine said is the main step, or rather the "beginning" step, this needs to be followed by good people's skills, taking part in conversations, and act/talk like the alpha... But overall, nice post Alpine

Laterz...

 

[Alpine]

Thanks,

Yes good point, otherwise you lose congruency as well and makes it doubley bad.

I've found that your actions/thoughts change anyway. I liken it to the 'act as if' technique, your physiology effects your thoughts and actions.

Also once you've started communicating in this way, people 'assume' you are like that and act accordingly making your life so much easier.

Sometimes I feel a fruad and I wobble a bit, but then realise I am actually changing into that person anyway.

Sometimes i revert back consciously to see whether I was imagining it. The results are very marked and I really don't want to go back there.

 

[nachos]

Yeah, that's a important thing, theres nothing a girl hates more than a guy who looks like he's been trying to suck his **** the whole night before with a shiiit eating grin on his face like he's about to try it again.

I personally allways stand straight, shoulders out, chest up, like i have to maintain some weight on my shoulders.

Working out will help this, as your shoulders and so on and chest fill out you'll get bigger and more broad.

nachos out.