To say that contacting someone is a forfeit of control is outright ridiculous, although still true for those who believe it is so and act in accordance with their silly beliefs. Example, a guy believes he will lose his control by contacting a woman, if he does so he will have ruined his own confidence and act in ways to give her all the control. He could have chosen to assert control at any point after that action, but didn't because he was deluded by his own false belief without recognizing it.
It's basic self sabotage. Easily preventable and who contacts who first is irrelevant when it's recognized that there's a choice for every passing moment, to assert oneself or voluntarily become a doormat.
We do this to ourselves and many don't see the deeper cause of failure, assuming it's something shallow like "it's because I reached out first".
