Post First a date Messaging

[MountainSlide]

Wrapped up a date tonight. Girl was cute and we laughed plus had a good time. She says to me “message me when you get home so I know your safe”. Lol. I was like “you message me” .

Anyway after a first date what have people found to be the most successful strategies in terms of timing when they follow up to set the next?

 

[Infern0]

If she doesn't message you within 48 hours thats a real bad sign.

I don't tend to get into "rules" for texting as it can come off as game playing but I'd wait for her to text first then give it a few days and set up the next date.

If shes texting you heaps and clearly into you then no reason not to accelerate and go for a netflix and chill night.

 

[sangheilios]

I usually say something like "I had a great time with you this evening" and in the past gotten near immediate responses that ended up leading to more texting and later dates. I've found that when they don't reply at all or take a very long time to do so.....it's never lead to anything.

 

[marmel75]

If she doesn't message you within 48 hours thats a real bad sign.

I don't tend to get into "rules" for texting as it can come off as game playing but I'd wait for her to text first then give it a few days and set up the next date.

If shes texting you heaps and clearly into you then no reason not to accelerate and go for a netflix and chill night.

I agree. I can't ever remember a good outcome when a woman hasn't messaged me first after a date. Its usually right after or early the next day.

I mean if it doesnt happen then you can hit her up probably on the 2nd or 3rd day but her interesr is likely lukewarm at best.

I've also been ghosted many times even after what I would consider "good" dates with makeouts and what seemed like intetest on her part. It is what it is.

 

[Infern0]

I agree. I can't ever remember a good outcome when a woman hasn't messaged me first after a date. Its usually right after or early the next day.

I mean if it doesnt happen then you can hit her up probably on the 2nd or 3rd day but her interesr is likely lukewarm at best.

I've also been ghosted many times even after what I would consider "good" dates with makeouts and what seemed like intetest on her part. It is what it is.

Yeah if a girl likes ypu shes not going to play games unless shes a nutcase

 

[Glassguy]

I agree with both @marmel75 and @Infern0

I typically ask them to message me to let me know she made it home ok (set the tone for her doing the initial texting). That is only if the date is good. If the date was shaky and my interest level was lowered during the date, I just tell it was nice meeting up and be careful on her way home.

The normal messaging goes as follows. She messages me letting me know she made it home. If she had a really good time, she will also say that she had a good time/would like to do it again during that "I made it home ok" text. Reason 2 that I like to have them message me to let me know they made it ok.......if her interest is high she will show me her cards in the text.

If there really isnt much banter after the date but I feel both of our interests in each other is high: I will shoot her a text 2 days after the date and reference something from the date that was positive. If I get a response back quickly or at least according to how quick she responded pre date I will see if she wants to get together again.

Honestly, if a woman's interest is high, she will probably bring up getting together again before you do.

The only think I DO NOT DO on a first date/second date is set up the next date while still on the date. Or even the same day after the date. I had a chick on a first date bring up going to a concert to see a band that we both liked and talked about on the first date. I just told her that I would have to check my schedule but I would be interested in going if I was free.

Just be chill and dont be thirsty. Let them invest and initiate and come to you, especially after that first date. Allow them to invest always.

 

[marmel75]

I agree with both @marmel75 and @Infern0

I typically ask them to message me to let me know she made it home ok (set the tone for her doing the initial texting). That is only if the date is good. If the date was shaky and my interest level was lowered during the date, I just tell it was nice meeting up and be careful on her way home.

The normal messaging goes as follows. She messages me letting me know she made it home. If she had a really good time, she will also say that she had a good time/would like to do it again during that "I made it home ok" text. Reason 2 that I like to have them message me to let me know they made it ok.......if her interest is high she will show me her cards in the text.

If there really isnt much banter after the date but I feel both of our interests in each other is high: I will shoot her a text 2 days after the date and reference something from the date that was positive. If I get a response back quickly or at least according to how quick she responded pre date I will see if she wants to get together again.

Honestly, if a woman's interest is high, she will probably bring up getting together again before you do.

The only think I DO NOT DO on a first date/second date is set up the next date while still on the date. Or even the same day after the date. I had a chick on a first date bring up going to a concert to see a band that we both liked and talked about on the first date. I just told her that I would have to check my schedule but I would be interested in going if I was free.

Just be chill and dont be thirsty. Let them invest and initiate and come to you, especially after that first date. Allow them to invest always.

@Glassguy an interesting thing I used to have happen to me a lot is a woman asking me to message thrm when they got home, which I laughed off and jokingly said "What are you my Mom?"

And told them to text me instead. Usually i found in this situation more often than not they didn't text and many times the outcome was a ghosting if I texted at some point.

Was this some type of interest check by them where they felt i might not have been interested, or was it just a way of them being "nice" but not interested?

 

[marmel75]

Also what is up with what I call the SFFG pattern after a first date when they DO message you first and show interest?

SFFG = Slow Fade, Flake then Ghost.

Several times had that happen where we had great interactions prior to meeting up, met up things went great she messages me by early thr next day showing interest, we continue having similar banter for a while, I set up the date for next week and over this period of time she becomes more distant, the energy level of the messages goes down until the day of the date comes and she flakes and then ghosts.

There was no neediness on my part, I didn't say anything "off the wall", etc...it was like she was really interested after the date and the more she thought about it the less interested she became...I always assumed another guy was in the picture, but any othrr insights into this behavior?

 

[Glassguy]

@Glassguy an interesting thing I used to have happen to me a lot is a woman asking me to message thrm when they got home, which I laughed off and jokingly said "What are you my Mom?"

And told them to text me instead. Usually i found in this situation more often than not they didn't text and many times the outcome was a ghosting if I texted at some point.

Was this some type of interest check by them where they felt i might not have been interested, or was it just a way of them being "nice" but not interested?

If I am interested after the first date and I ask them to message me when they get home safely, I am not sure any of them have not messaged me. I pay attention to what they say in that message.

"I made it home safely. Had a great time and look forward to seeing you again soon"- obviously high interest and she will probably engage me through a message in 24 hrs.

"I'm back" gets a "thanks for letting me know"from me and the I will give it a day or two before I initiate again if I have high interest.

There is a lot to be said about that first message she sends letting you know she made it home ok.

I dont put much thought into the rare times I get ghosted after a first date regardless of how they act. I figure she has higher interest in someone else she is talking to, ex still in the picture, etc. I have ghosted plenty so its cool.

One thing is certain, if you get ghosted, re-engage a week later and no response, its best just to stop it there and move on. Sometimes they circle back around when whatever was going on is out of the picture and sometimes they dont. I am good either way