Possible red flag?

[bish0p]

So, I've been talking to this new girl for about 3 weeks I think. Anyways, the second week we hung out, she asked me if there was a possibility of us being exclusive in the future. I said maybe.

Then, last night she asked me how long it takes me to decide on whether or not I want to be exclusive. When I asked her why she wants to be exclusive, she said that she doesn't like to share.

Now, I'm of two minds. I do consider her a potential LTR, but my recent break up has made me a bit timid (and coming to this site has made me extremely paranoid of getting into relationships again) when it comes to relationships.

So, her trying to jump into a relationship with me so fast has put me on guard. She claims that she's not into drama and she's really laid back, which I like. She doesn't have a lot of male friends which I think is great and she is really my type, although my feelings aren't that strong for her right now.

Anyways, what do you guys think? Is her moving too fast a bad sign? Or, am I just being paranoid?

 

[Mr. Non-Juan]

Well, the GOOD news is, she's definitely interested.

The fact that she's coming at YOU, asking questions about a "possibility" of anything long-lasting in the future... well, that can only work in your favor.

HOWEVER...

If you're like most guys, you've experienced what happens when you move in too fast: the girl likes it at first, but then starts moving away from you until she starts saying things like, "things are just moving too fast - I think we need to take a break." And you're left standing there thinking: "What the heck....??"

I don't know how many times you have been out with this girl (hopefully only once or twice a week during the three weeks and not every day)... but don't let her constant questioning push you into a relationship with her right away. In the grand scheme of things, 3 weeks isn't really a LOT of time to know somebody.

However, during this dating period is when you should be answering HER "Am I relationship material" questions as vaguely as possible, or with answers that will make her qualify herself to you (i.e. make her stick around longer to prove she's worthy of your attention). For example:

HER: "Is there a possibility of us being exclusive in the future?"
YOU: (Playfully) "I dunno."
HER: "Wha - what do you mean you dunno?"
YOU: "Well, we've had a few good dates so far, but it's only been 2 weeks. I have to know you a bit longer - who knows, you could end up having the bodies of your ex-boyfriends somewhere in a basement. I have to at LEAST find that out first!"

Another example:

HER: "So, how long does it take you to decide on whether or not you want to be exclusive?"
YOU: "Ha ha ha ha, nice try. I see what you're doing, but no, I will NOT elope with you to Vegas tonight, no matter how much you try and beg me "

Ultimately, though, you don't really have to answer these dumb questions, especially if you've only been seeing her for 3 weeks. The better you are at deflecting these questions, the more time it will give her to build up even more of an interest in you, so that if do decide to go out with this girl, she'll be less likely to want to leave you.

-Non Juan

Non Juan’s book, “The Non Juan’s Guide to LOSING The Girl of Your Dreams: Why Everything Men THINK They Know About Dating is WRONG,” coming soon!

 

[Warrior74]

Then, last night she asked me how long it takes me to decide on whether or not I want to be exclusive. When I asked her why she wants to be exclusive, she said that she doesn't like to share.

'Why' is a killer retort. It throws it all back on her to explain herself and her motivations. She doesn't like to share? Who wants to be a in a relationship with someone who doesn't like to share? See what I did there? Perfect.

 

[pipe007]

its simple
what do you want ?
do you want a girlfriend?
do you want to experiement some more and date more
do you wanna date other girls?

find out what you want.... do you like this girl
why get into a LTR with someone who doesnt make you happy or you are not sure about.

if you are not sure then keep dating,, have her on the side and keep meeting other girls... if you get to the place where you like her and you wanna have a LTR, then do so.

you have to make that choice, we can only show you the fact that its your responsibility to make it.

 

[bish0p]

Well, the GOOD news is, she's definitely interested.

The fact that she's coming at YOU, asking questions about a "possibility" of anything long-lasting in the future... well, that can only work in your favor.

I know this part already, so it's not my concern. I never talk about relationships first and I never say I love you first.

HOWEVER...

If you're like most guys, you've experienced what happens when you move in too fast: the girl likes it at first, but then starts moving away from you until she starts saying things like, "things are just moving too fast - I think we need to take a break." And you're left standing there thinking: "What the heck....??"

This is what concerns me, which is why I still have one foot out the door. Unfortunately, I did the same thing with my previous ex where I kept beating around the bush about being committed, causing her to push me away.

I don't know how many times you have been out with this girl (hopefully only once or twice a week during the three weeks and not every day)... but don't let her constant questioning push you into a relationship with her right away. In the grand scheme of things, 3 weeks isn't really a LOT of time to know somebody.

oops...I know this as well, but I've been hanging out with her more than usual. I guess I'm trying a different approach here...possibly because I'm on the rebound. I don't know. I still have an infatuation with my ex and I still look forward to hearing from her whenever possible...I know it's not right, but that's just the way it is and I haven't been able to get under control yet.

I'm hoping this new girl will serve as a distraction for me at the very least.

 

[bish0p]

'Why' is a killer retort. It throws it all back on her to explain herself and her motivations. She doesn't like to share? Who wants to be a in a relationship with someone who doesn't like to share? See what I did there? Perfect.

Yeah, I like the "why" question as well...learned that one a while back. However, you lost me on the rest of your post.

its simple
what do you want ?
do you want a girlfriend?
do you want to experiement some more and date more
do you wanna date other girls?

find out what you want.... do you like this girl
why get into a LTR with someone who doesnt make you happy or you are not sure about.

if you are not sure then keep dating,, have her on the side and keep meeting other girls... if you get to the place where you like her and you wanna have a LTR, then do so.

you have to make that choice, we can only show you the fact that its your responsibility to make it.

That's the thing, I do want a relationship with her...but I'm paranoid about the things Mr. Non-Juan mentioned...things that I've learned a long time ago from other sites.

I guess I'll just have to take whatever is thrown at me and if it doesn't work out because we moved to fast, then **** it. I made it through my last break up, and I'll make it through this one if some crap happens again.

 

[pipe007]

exactly!!

its just like saying you won't ever get into another car because the last time you did you were involved in a car accident to which you survived!!

just look at the red flags, and learn to keep control of the relationship, and the frame at all times... if you don't know how to do that ask for help, search, and learn how to carry yourself like a man in a relationship before you get into one, if not you will face drama which you wont know how to handle.

A man expects drama and tough situations, and he faces those situations face to face and deals with them on the spot... so if you get with her, and situations come up in the future, you deal with that in the spot... you either like what she does or you dont...

if you like the way she behaves, you reward her behavior, if you dont, you put your foot down inmediately and ask for behavior change, if she changes then you reward her behavior. and keep going...

if she keeps displaying behaviors she knows would never aprove (because you told her in the past) then you dont need to explain yourself a second time... she gets NEXTED.. in the spot,,, when she comes crawling, you lay down the rules again and tell her she crossed the line peace!!!

she changes behavior.. she proves it,,, you take her back... she doesnt you dump her.

its that easy!!..

behavior modification 101 (like dog training)
get a couple books on reinforcement and behavior modification on psychology its worth it.

reward and punishment works.... if you are holding the frame as the man, the prize, the dominant one in the relationship.
you can't argue logically with women about these things... when situatinos that you dont like come up, i personally lay the rules once and say it clearly and with authority "listen here, cuz im not gonna repeat myself,,, " and then let it go.... dont get into a discussion... if she keeps it up... you leave period.... no questions asked...

she will understand that behavior better and FASTER than hours and hours of logical talk about the relationship.
she will change fast when you display self control

i have a friend that is going through drama with his GF, he says that lately she is showing low interest, and yesterday she went to a party without him.. and blablabla.. and what did he do?
he send her a letter telling her how much he doesnt feel apreciated, and that he is the only one who is trying to make things work, and that he wishes she would be the same way, and that they should try to make things work, and blablablablablablalbalalblabalbalblablalalablablalalb

that doesnt work with women.
strength and self respect does...

 

[COD]

RED FLAG.........faster you fall in love the faster you will fall out.

time frame differs........do we really have to give specifics dates.

BEST ANSWER: WHEN WE BOTH FEEL ITS TIME..........not just yet though.