Possible LTR, but gotta ask a Q

DJZ

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First I'd like to thank this site. Since I found this site, I've hooked up with 6 girls in the last 4 months. Not a record by any means, but far better than the 1 I hooked up with in the 4 years before.

Ok, so now I believe I've gotten the partying and hooking up with random girls out of my system, I'm considering finding a girlfriend. It sounds crazy...why tie myself up like that...I dunno...I just enjoy having a girl that I can spend time with like that, and I think I've found one...

Ok, I met this chick about a month ago while I was eating lunch between classes. I saw her sitting on some steps outside, and sat down beside her and started talking. Well, I ended up getting her number, and I called her sometime after. Spring Break was the next week, and we were going to be on vacation about an hour away from each other, so I told her I'd give her a call over break, and we could meet up. She agreed and I called her over break. I decided not to meet up with her, b/c it actually ended up being more like 2 hours away. Anyway, I didn't call her again, but surprisingly she called me 2 more times over break. I always let her go first, and kept the convos short.

Anyway, we got back to school, and she called me more. We've been seeing each other, and we've been hanging out a lot over the last 2 weeks. She has spent the night with me probably 5 times already, and we've messed around quite a bit, but I told myself I wasn't going to try and have sex with her from the getgo, b/c I actually like her enough to wait.

The problem comes in here. She still talks to her ex, although I'm not sure how much. I do know that they live in the same apartment complex about 100 yards apart. They broke up months ago, but I still think she has feelings for him. The reason I think she still has feelings for him, is b/c she seems very reluctant to do anything more than what we have done. Hell, the first time I tried to kiss her, she turned her cheek. This was at 3am in my room, while we were watching a movie. At that point I told her if she did that again, she would have to leave. I tried to kiss her again, and she turned a cheek again. I got up and got all her stuff together and put it next to the door and said it was time to go. She wanted to talk about it, so we talked for a minute and she explained that it surprised her that I wanted to kiss her, and that I would be the first guy she had kissed, other than her ex, in over a year...surprisingly she jumped on me and started kissing me.

I don't want to seem like a control freak, and I think it might be a little early in the relationship to start telling her that she can't talk to her ex, but I feel like it's only going to cause problems in the future, and would like to make my feelings known.

I told her the other night that if she was interested in moving forward with me, she would have to cut contact with him. She agreed, and said she really enjoyed spending time with me. So far, I think she is still talking to him, but I'm not for sure, as there is really no way for me to know without looking at her cell phone. I'm not going to snoop, and I'm not even sure how much of my business it is, at this point.

So, my question is, should I even considering moving forward with her? If so, how should I go about it: Present ultimatum? Act like it doesn't bother me? What else?

Thanks...DJZ
 

cffrmw

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don't give her an ultimatum. let her talk to her ex, if she does have feelings for him its better if she's not doing stuff behind your back. if you guys start going out you could tell her you don't like her hanging out alone with him, but really anything you do to try and keep them apart can come off as insecurity. and you dont want a girl who will cheat on you so might as well leave the temptation there to find out if she's like that.
 

Tails

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i'd let her talk with the ex. don't control her. if you let her be, you'll know if she is the type to mess around with two guys at the same time. also, you'll know in the end if you're the one she chooses. just keep her IL high, that way she won't have no urge to keep talking or seeing her ex. you have to be the better man and keep her interested.

about you telling her to leave cause she didn't kiss you, that was crazy, lol. good on you, but a little harsh.
 

DJZ

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I agree that I shouldn't be controlling, and frankly I could care less how many guy friends she has. The whole staying friends with the ex thing, however, is a little complicated...

How is she ever going to get over him, if she continues to talk to him and see him on a regular basis? Trying to be friends with your ex after you break up, only prolongs the whole break-up process.

About me telling her to leave. I agree it was kinda harsh, but I've started to be very upfront with girls about stuff like this. Afterwards I explained to her that if she had no intention on kissing me, then she was leading me on, and that I don't like my time to be wasted. Look at the circumstances...it was 3am, she's in my room, laying on my bed watching tv with me. She knew what was going on...
 

Tails

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uhh yes, very true. a girl in your bedroom at 3am and not letting you kiss her, how odd. i guess you had your reasons.
 

fukuy

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just do the things you've been doing with her, talk and mess around. But tell her upfront that dont even mention about her ex boyfriend with you cause you're there to have a good time with her, not to be her love counselor. And i suggest that you should go for the Sex close. After that, it would be much easier to give her an ultimatum, that is, if you still want her atm.
 

Crank_It_Up

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fvck the snot out of the girl, if it doesn't work out, at least you'll have fond memories, if it does work out, then all is well. I wouldn't worry about the ex, everybody has some baggage of some sort. Jealousy is a turn off, never show it. If she'd rather be with somebody else, the faster you find out, the less time you waste. So don't stress, whatever happens will happen.... did I mention to fvck the snot out of her?
 
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