Possessive Girlfriend

[the_great_gaia]

I am in a relationship with a girl who seems very possessive towards me, for example: she thinks it's perfectly acceptable if she talks on the phone with someone while she's out with me (it's a guy she's usually on the phone with that she calls her "long lost friend") but when I receive phone calls from my friends (usually females), she gets all loud and asks "who is that?" and she's always upset if I ignore her while I'm on the phone. The fact that I was on the phone alone upsets her too, she says "You shouldn't be talking on the phone on MY time." But it's alright if she talks on the phone while she was on my time. And whenever I try talking to her while we're driving, she'll hear her favorite song come on (it seems like everytime we talk, her favorite song comes on) and she'll turn the car radio up full-blast (i'm thinking it's to drown out the sound of my voice).
Another thing, the other day, she was telling me how she thinks I have no common sense or that I don't use my common sense when i need it, or she talks about how I be doing dumb/retarded/stupid stuff that irritates her. She does some pretty dumb stuff too, but I don't bust on her about it, because I know everyone does stupid stuff from time to time. Andrea is 17, and I'm 20, and she says that she feels like she knows more than I do. Like, when we go to the bank or car lot together, she does all the talking because she doesn't want me to say nothing stupid- I let her do all of the talking, and when it comes down to where I have to talk, I say things that dissatisfy her because I really don't care to be at the bank or at a car lot. Why am I at the car lot or bank? Because she thinks that we should combine our incomes so that we can get a car at the car lot. She's added me to her account, and I have put money in there. Really dumb, I know. But why do I let it happen? Because I really don't want to hear her mouth because she has a REAL attitude problem. Deep down inside, I get the feeling that she's not TRUE to our relationship.
My mom let me get her car for school and work purposes ONLY. I do want to be with my girlfriend so I bend my mom's rules to be with her; mother doesn't want any other person in her car but ME. But I always have Andrea in it. Not only that, but Andrea doesn't like how I drive, so I ALWAYS let her drive my mom's car because I want us together (Andrea says if I don't let her drive, she won't ride). I thought that was bad just letting her drive the car because she has NO license or permit to drive (but she can drive). Then from there it went from her dropping me off at work while she goes to work later. I mean, she could get another ride, but I'm her man, and I want to do things for her. Then one day where i didn't have to work and her shift ends early, she asks me "Mike, let me get the car to myself. Let me drop you off at your friend's house while I go out and chill with my friends." I thought she was VERY crazy. I wondered why she didn't want me to be with her in my MOTHER'S car. She says that she just wants to be by her self sometimes and go out instead of me always being around and that we spend about 80% of HER time together. I told her "no", and she got mad. I foolishly changed my mind and decided to let her get the car and she dropped me off at my friend's house. I told them about it, and they laughed and made fun of me; I deserved it. She brought me the car back REALLY late, and when she came to get me, she looked REALLY NICE/ SEXY AS HELL. But why? She had the car all to herself, going lord-knows-where with lord-knows-who, doing lord-knows-what. I didn't care to ask, but I became concerned when I got into the passenger seat and the seat was leaned all the way back (like another guy was in the car). I let it slide.
She's a so-called "virgin" which is very hard for me to believe, but she based our relationship on us being virgins (I am a virgin). Every so foten, she'll ask me to mastrubate in front of her. At first, I felt lukewarm about the idea, but I got so used to mastrubating in front of her that it's like a "6th Sense". She likes for me to mastrubate in front of her because she says it's "entertaining". She's even ejaculated it for me a few times. But... I have NEVER even seen this girl's NIPPLE or anything. The most revealing I've seen of her was her cleavage or her belly button ring. She says she's not ready to show herself off to me, yet I do it for her all the time- she enjoys watching me climax (as sick as that sounds). She even bought me a fake vagina to use in front of her, as contradicting as that sounds. She says this turns her on, but she doesn't even want to pop the nipples to me in the least.
I think this relationship is taking a toll on me; I being turned off by her attitude and control, we always argue, we don't communicate enough, and I don't have a backbone towards her. In a argument, if I'm mad at her about something, she has a way of turning the tables on me and she'll end up being mad at me over what I was mad at her about (Crazy..) I can feel my interest level going down fast, it's to the point where I look forward to knowing if she's cheating on me or I could care less if she's on the phone with another guy or if she wants to make NEW male friends. I hope that someone can steal her from me. I really don't like out relationship anymore because it's all based on how she feels about everything; not about how WE feel or how I feel. Everything seems based on her feelings. I really don't use my common sense in this relationship, and even now, I don't care enough about our relationship, or do I? I don't know I'm so confused. And the story doesn't end here, but I don't want to get into anymore detail. Could you help me from here?

Mike- who lets his girlfriend have her way 24/7.

 

[LikRetsam]

She has all the control in the relationship, that is all. If you want it back, you know what you have to do. You gotta be a man. No, that's not a sosuave saying, thats a BE A MAN AND GROW SOME BALLS. Just take control. Stop submitting to her *****ing. Don't be a jerk and ***** back, just call her on all her **** calmly. Don't even let her justify herself, just tell her to shut up. Trust me.

Honestly, if this girl is worth it, do the above. If not, next her. You deserve better.

 

[M2k961]

Well I'll be damned if I read all of that, but I get the idea of it.

Like LikRetsam said, you have to take back the power in the relationship and BE THE MAN, NOT THE WOMAN.

Now I'm not about to let you go off into the world with that abstract statement, so follow this plan of action:

1) Tell her to meet you somewhere. Go early. Wait for her to walk up to you. Don't move.

2) Tell her "we need to talk". (Sound familiar?)

3) Tell her, paraphrased, everything you just told us. Tell her you've changed, and you're going to grow a backbone and not take her **** anymore.

4) Give her an ultimatum: She complies with your coup of power, or she leaves.

Now, don't just suddenly change into a "man" and tell her "shutup" and all that. You are now the peasant, and she the master. If you rebel, she'll take you down with her power. To switch roles, you have to be upfront about it. Like Austria-Hungary to Serbia in WWI. We'll be Germany, backing you up.

Good luck in the revolution.

Edit: Oh yea, forgot to say, when you do call the meeting, make sure you look like a goddamn man. Don't sit. Try to make her sit. Shoulders back, chest forward, deep slow voice. Exude confidence and manliness. To further elicit a change in her, completely change the way you look when you meet her. Shell be so overwhelmed by your sudden manly change that you'll collapse and make love (Psst.. thats a joke ).

 

[blienk]

This girl sounds like a real biatch. Do you enjoy ANYTHING about your relationship? It sounds like constant bullsh-t. I think it's time to walk off on this one, buddy.

 

[the_great_gaia]

I like our relationship when she is all nice and what not. And I really only like her because she's caring. But I guess she's like that towards everybody. I like this girl, but my IL in her is in the 25-30%. I need to know if the following is true: I feel like the relationship is becoming no good, like leftovers in the refrigerator. If I feel like this, does she also feel like this? I asked her if she like the way our relationship is headed, she said yes. I do not like the way it's going. I know I could leave her, but it's easier said than done.
She called me to see what I was doing while she was at work. I was watching the Dave Chappelle Show, and then she goes "Hey, I'm gonna call you right back". Several hours went by, she didn't call. So I called her to see if she wants me to pick her up, but her sister answers the phone. Her sister said she was gonna have her to call me right back, but it didn't happen. Maybe Andrea found another guy today (smiles).

 

[icallug]

same thing with me kinda. im thinking of doing what m2k said.

but also what gaia said, it is easier said than done

 

[The Antichrist_Star]

You know what... I was going to make my reply rather lengthy, but instead I will just say this.

End this relationship... today

Period... nothing to think about. End it... today. You will be a better human being afterward.

Do it... for your sake.

 

[Porky]

TM:R hit it right on the head. This relationship isn't going to get better.

 

[LikRetsam]

From what we see, she isn't putting 2 squirts of piss into this relationship. Think of the past, and all the good times you had. Are they worth fighting for?

This chick doesn't seem to deserve anything. I would honestly drop her asap if I were you but then again.... let us delve into this idea shall we?

Matrix, from my experience of losing power in a relationship.... It was MY fault. How dare you, or I, or anyone, tell him to break it up? That would be giving up. We all know that the man walks into the relationship with power and when he loses it the relationship goes to hell. I KNOW it was your fault gaia.

This is no longer about her, and how crappy she is. It's about gaia's ability to retain power. She knows damn well what she's doing. You're getting tested. What are you going to do when you lose your power?
a)Give up.
b)Take it back.

That is how I see it and how she most definatly sees it.

I didn't give up when this came around and I have a great relationship.

Lik

 

[Julian]

what do u expect man, your 20 and going out with a 17 year old..

 

[The Antichrist_Star]

Originally posted by LikRetsam
From what we see, she isn't putting 2 squirts of piss into this relationship. Think of the past, and all the good times you had. Are they worth fighting for?

This chick doesn't seem to deserve anything. I would honestly drop her asap if I were you but then again.... let us delve into this idea shall we?

Matrix, from my experience of losing power in a relationship.... It was MY fault. How dare you, or I, or anyone, tell him to break it up? That would be giving up. We all know that the man walks into the relationship with power and when he loses it the relationship goes to hell. I KNOW it was your fault gaia.

This is no longer about her, and how crappy she is. It's about gaia's ability to retain power. She knows damn well what she's doing. You're getting tested. What are you going to do when you lose your power?
a)Give up.
b)Take it back.

That is how I see it and how she most definatly sees it.

I didn't give up when this came around and I have a great relationship.

Lik

LikRetsam... I said what I said simply because this is not about his relationship... it goes deeper than that. Why has he let all of this occur in the first place is the question I ask myself... not whether or not he can get his "power" back. That is easy to do... anyone can do that. But it goes deeper than that Lik... I ask the question why has he let this woman dominate him. That is why I said that he should end the relationship... to enter another one? No... but to alter his perception of women, relationships, to gain confidence... whatever is currently causing his lack of a backbone. Not only will he learn then what he wants out of his future relationships... he will also be a better person for it.

You Lik are merely thinking on the surface and short term... I am thinking on the root of the problem and the long run. He can gain more with the latter rather than the former.

 

[LikRetsam]

Indeed it will be much better for him in the long term but so will my idea. From taking back the power and getting in charge again, he will find a new strength within himself. It's like the hopelessly desperate AFC that comes to sosuave and through it hooks up with a girl for the first time. New strenght, new confidence.

I think that will put him on the path to your tip much easier then starting from scratch.

 

[Porky]

He needs to concentrate on himself right now and take a break from girls. He is far too submissive far too often. He said himself he isn't that interested in her.

 

[The Antichrist_Star]

Originally posted by LikRetsam
Indeed it will be much better for him in the long term but so will my idea. From taking back the power and getting in charge again, he will find a new strength within himself. It's like the hopelessly desperate AFC that comes to sosuave and through it hooks up with a girl for the first time. New strenght, new confidence.

I think that will put him on the path to your tip much easier then starting from scratch.

Two things Lik... no one said this was going to be easy. Secondly... taking back the power will do him no good. It is clearly obvious that the girl is not interested in him or else she would not be doing what she is doing. Trying to regain the power will probably do nothing but cause a break up anyway... because she is probably only still with him because he is at her beck and call. Ending the relationship is the only way that is worth time... trying to save it is not worth it.

 

[Bombshell]

Its already been said but again from another person, end it now. If a chick did half of that to me i wouldnt even have the patience for her to attempt to keep us together. You had me quivering while i was reading your post at the thought of anyone letting themselves stay in a situation like that.


BTW my guess is she is using you for your car (which she probably will wreck if you continue this BS thus fvcking you over since you have a protective mother and she has no license)

 

[LikRetsam]

Originally posted by The Matrix: Reloaded
Two things Lik... no one said this was going to be easy. Secondly... taking back the power will do him no good. It is clearly obvious that the girl is not interested in him or else she would not be doing what she is doing. Trying to regain the power will probably do nothing but cause a break up anyway... because she is probably only still with him because he is at her beck and call. Ending the relationship is the only way that is worth time... trying to save it is not worth it.

I'm persuaded it's a test. Only because I've gone through that many times with high school chicks. I'm pretty sure she's really enjoying the power and if he takes it back, she will be at his knees with her IL through the roof.
We arn't in the situation though Matrix, so it's up to him to see if she's worth it.

 

[The Antichrist_Star]

Originally posted by LikRetsam
I'm persuaded it's a test. Only because I've gone through that many times with high school chicks. I'm pretty sure she's really enjoying the power and if he takes it back, she will be at his knees with her IL through the roof.
We arn't in the situation though Matrix, so it's up to him to see if she's worth it.

The debate is not whether or not that this is a test... because it is obvious that it is the of the whole thing is that she felt the need (for whatever reason) to inact such a test to begin with. You forget Lik... that I spent four years in High School and one point and women my age (contrary to popular belief) are not that dramatically different. I have seen this... and you have seen this. But that is not the point. The point is he has allowed this for happen for quite some time now... and that is reprehensible. I state again Lik... this is not about the girl nor the relationship... this is strictly about him. And in order to fix him... he has to discard her.

 

[icallug]

i havent really read every detail, but if its a test, instead of walking away from it and ending the relationship. what can u do to get the power back?

 

[the_great_gaia]

How can I get my power back from her?

I notice that whenever I'm mad at her (giving her the cold shoulder and silent treatment), she does the most compassionate things. She'll want to kiss (and kiss again and again). She'll start acting like she's supposed to.

I learned from this place that if you act like you don't care towards a girl, the fireworks will go off. I see that this was true. because I'll act like i don't care, and it'll seem like she's chasing me. However, she said once, that if I act as though I don't care, she'll act like she don't care neither. But is that true? I don't know. I have yet to see this from her. It's very hard to read Andrea sometimes. I don't know her weaknesses other than making her jealous, and that only works sometimes. She's the type of girl that likes to get even/ get revenge. She says things she doesn't mean when she gets mad. I think she took control of the relationship with her attitude and her "my way or the highway" perception. She's double-sided, and contradicting. Dammit, she's ironic too. Post a reply someone, thanks.

 

[LikRetsam]

HOY!
You're mixing up 2 things gaia. It's not not giving a **** that's making her compassionate, it's you trying to take back the power. She's on her knees so you will stop thinking that there's a problem. You've just been played!

Matrix, I don't think this has been going on for a long time from his post but maybe I missed a line. Wether it is or not, it is not too late but personally, I agree with you. It will do him much good to back off and realise why he let whatever happened so that the next relationship could be better. I have realised that my method will teach him how to regain the power once lost but yours will allow him to prevent losing it all together.

gaia, you just got owned by this chick. The lines "played like a violin" and "p*ssy whipped" come to my mind. End it. No explantions, no long discussions, no pity, no mercy. End it and walk. That's ALL. No reason to justify yourself.

Lik