Polyamory or Monogamy?

[narcissist]

Monogamy: "I want you to be happy but only i can supply you with that happiness, If someone else does I get jealous, and envious."

Polyamory: "I want you to be happy, so if someone else makes you happy engage with them, and if someone else makes me happy I will engage with them, you make me happy as well thats why i engage with you, we can get jealous but we work through it because we realize that happiness can be supplied by many different sources."


Which one do you guys like? I think polyamory makes more sense.

But its subjective obviously.

 

[JoeMarron]

Lol..loaded question is loaded. Anyways polyamory is nice on paper but it rarely works in the real world. First of all it's just as unnatural as some would claim monogamy to be. It's in a man's nature to not want other men fvcking his girl. Think about it, an alpha male willingly letting another man fvck his girl and possibly impregnated her, thus putting in doubt whether the child is his or not. It's pure insanity from a biological perspective.

There also aren't many women who will tolerate this long term. There's simply too much social pressure to conform to monogamy. A man practicing polyamory will have to constantly rotate new girls into his harem. Some other dudes may not have a problem with that but it sounds like a massive headache to me.

I have seen monogamy work long term for some people. Sure it's not perfect but like what is said of democracy, monogamy is the worse form of relationships except for all of the others that have been tried. Two people are capable of supplying each other happiness without the complication of bringing others into the mix.

 

[Sofomore]

My goal is to spin plates until my mid 30s. Then settle down and start a family. Polyamory will not be in the best interest of my kids. They need a functional monogamous partnership to grow up with healthy views on relationships.

The goal of me spinning plates for another 12 years is to find out what type of girl will fit with my life. By getting experience with a number of women, I will be able to pick out the traits that I do and do not like in a woman. I expect over this time it will change drastically (partier--->good mother).

 

[narcissist]

My goal is to spin plates until my mid 30s. Then settle down and start a family. Polyamory will not be in the best interest of my kids. They need a functional monogamous partnership to grow up with healthy views on relationships.

The goal of me spinning plates for another 12 years is to find out what type of girl will fit with my life. By getting experience with a number of women, I will be able to pick out the traits that I do and do not like in a woman. I expect over this time it will change drastically (partier--->good mother).

The functionalist view on nuclear families (husband and wife with one or more children) being a functional necessity for integrating children into society successfully had been criticized an unbelievable amount of times for being inherently flawed

Children can be successfully integrated and become well rounded people without the nuclear family. We are just taught to believe that is the best way.

So if that is guiding your belief for monogamy in might be in your best interest to reconsider.

Not trying to attack your belief by the way. I just want to spark a discussion. So dont take it personally mate.

 

[Sofomore]

Of course, I'm always open to discussion. Now if you started that post with an insult...

I grew up with a very stable family and it has helped me immensely. Parents are still together after 30 years. I look at my friends with divorced parents and their views on relationships are seriously unhealthy.

Now polygamy is different from divorce obviously. The only way for me to tell if it's healthy is by tracking a child that was raised by polyamorous parents. What are his/her relationship habits? Are they a good parent? Can they raise a healthy child?

It probably comes down to the values of the parents. If they are good people, polyamorous or monogamous, chances are the kid will grow up to be a good person. If they have destructive habits, it won't matter if their parents are poly or mono, they will probably embody these traits because they think it's "normal".

Also- in your original post you mention monogamy/polygamy as the "source of happiness". I think you mean source of intimacy. It's not black and white where monogamy = jealousy/ insecurity.

 

[narcissist]

At the end of the day. I think monogamy and polyamory are both inherently flawed.. They both instill many negative emotions, and detract from true love. If it's even exists.

Which begs the question. Are relationships worth it if both the prominent institutions of relationships are ultimately flawed?

 

[narcissist]

It probably comes down to the values of the parents. If they are good people, polyamorous or monogamous, chances are the kid will grow up to be a good person. If they have destructive habits, it won't matter if their parents are poly or mono, they will probably embody these traits because they think it's "normal".

Exacty. Right on the money sofomore. Its human nature that makes a child grow up to be inherently good or bad not the institutional relationships.

 

[Sofomore]

At the end of the day. I think monogamy and polyamory are both inherently flawed.. They both instill many negative emotions, and detract from true love. If it's even exists.

Which begs the question. Are relationships worth it if both the prominent institutions of relationships are ultimately flawed?

I don't really agree that they are both flawed. You're making a generalization here. That's like saying all Asians are bad drivers. Yes, some are. But not all are and it's flawed to think Asian = bad driver.

"True love" is just a Disney movie idea instilled into our heads as children. Love is a just a mutual agreement to compromise some of your desires for your partner (for men). And for women love is fulfilling their hypergamous nature. They love conditionally. Women will never understand the sacrifices a man must make to keep a woman happy.

 

[narcissist]

Actually i want to restate what I posted above.

Could we agree that Monogamy and polyamory are good on paper, but like communism when enacted human nature gets in the way and fvcks it up. This is why divorce rates are skyrocketing and forums like this exist.

Once again i dont wholeheartedly believe what I'm saying because i dont claim to know things as absolute. I'm just throwing thoughts out there in hope to come to a better understanding. Also im very open to changing my thoughts on things like this because its so controversial with no definitive answer

 

[narcissist]

Humans like to come up with these systems that sound amazing but forget the fact that we are semi-intelligent apes, incapable of following pure systems

 

[VikingKing]

I think polygamy is best for men. The non-legal contract type.

 

[DonGorgon]

lol silly humans no matter what happens they will be secretly promiscuous

 

[RedScorpion]

I think, in regards to if relationships are possible to work, should revolve more around the compatibility of each person to another, their views and beliefs to the other, rather than focus on it wholesale as say monogamy, polyamory, if they are viable. Everyone has their roughly established compatibilities, whether limited or wide, or one view vs another. I think it's the alignment of such, that mainly determine if it'll work out or not. Everyone has different limits and tolerances, and things they see as best.

 

[zekko]

I grew up with a very stable family and it has helped me immensely. Parents are still together after 30 years. I look at my friends with divorced parents and their views on relationships are seriously unhealthy.

I also grew up in a stable family, and I wouldn't give up that upbringing for anything in the world.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Monogamy 100% for sure all the way!

I mean hey if you ask me if I would prefer to sleep with two women then yes 100% I want to bang two women at the same time all my life for sure right now.

But marriage is not all sex, actually some would say marriage is the opposite of sex. I have not seen nor heard of a single woman that works a real job and has a polyamorous relationship. It's a life of supporting your household full of women and children that don't work...

Hell no

When people discuss polyamory I tend to believe they are thinking sex but talking marriage. I just can't believe someone wants to deal with two wives. And the quality of women in polyamory relationships is always questionable from what I've seen. It's not like you're going go convince some dime wearing Prada with fake hooters to marry you and your current dimepiece wife with big cans. It's always some fat milkmaid looking female that ends up in these relationships. HB3 TOPS!

Now if I was marrying 16 year olds like some taliban dudes that just don't give a squat about how their women regarded him, and wanted to recruit more women to tend to my goat farm out in some god forsaken land in the desert while i'm off making bombs in a cave for a suicide run in a couple years. Then yea more free labor and p^ssy for me, i'll wife em all up like that. But in America the notion is not very attractive to me.

 

[narcissist]

lol silly humans no matter what happens they will be secretly promiscuous

Exactly so we should all be honest about it.

Hiding our promiscuity is deceptive and repressive. Doesn't seem natural and healthy.

I would rather a girl be honest with me and tell me she wants to fvck another guy than her hide it from me because she doesn't want to lose me. Because those feelings are there regardless right?

Just a thought.

 

[zekko]

Exactly so we should all be honest about it.

Hiding our promiscuity is deceptive and repressive. Doesn't seem natural and healthy.

It's just a matter of setting priorities. What is more important to you, your relationship or getting sex? Just because we have an urge to do something doesn't necessarily mean that we should.

For example, food drives are very similar to the sex drive. Should I go eat a box of Twinkies just because it sounds good to me? Should I go down a couple of Big Macs just because I want to? Doing something just because we have an urge to is not always in our best interests.

Should I sit on the couch and watch the tube just because it sounds pleasant and I don't feel like getting up, or should I use some self discipline to get off my @ss and work out?

 

[AttackFormation]

I'm usually very careful about making statements when I don't have a scientific answer, but in this case I'd say humans are probably more monogamous than polygamous - with certain exceptions aside (like the abominations that we call psychopaths).

I'd guess so because it makes more sense for the human species to stick around and care for the young. Human babies are basically delivered prematurely because they'd be unable to get out if they stayed in the womb longer thanks to evolution cheapskating as usual, this time uncle evolution didn't wanna lay the resources down on better support for females to give birth.

Human babies are utterly helpless at first and it's not until adolescence that you could really see a human holding its own in the wild. Our species doesn't gamble on getting some instincts for survival in and then pumping out as many creatures as possible (like insects for example) without caring for them because that'd be suicide. Also, our evolutionary advantages over other animals require an extended or even indefinite period of learning aka. neuroplasticity - human brains are malleable and humans pass their skills down to the next generation. The skill passing combined with our brains learning stuff in the first place is how we get on top of the food chain, so a parent being around to pass down skills is fulfilling a goal of the species.

To avoid going into more length and keep things at least a little concise, monogamy serves the evolutionary advantages that our species is built on while polygamy pretty much goes against them. Then there is some fluff around this - polygamy seems appealing to some because it gives you sex which gives you dopamine, but that's not reproductively beneficial, it's just a side-effect of how evolution wired/cheapskated you (much like the inefficient female birth system we have) and because of the brain you have which is capable of analysing stuff like this, you can come to the conclusion that polygamy would benefit you, but I still think monogamy is what our species is evolutionarily (ie. reproductively) meant for. That doesn't mean either is right or wrong, it just means that monogamy and polygamy come from different drives in our brains, one of which (polygamy) is probably more accidental than intended.

 

[Turuwal]

The response to this poll and the comments are very interesting. That most people are aiming for monogamy, even on a forum whose goal is the study of having sex with women, explains why the world that we are trying to create must remain hidden, even from those that it benefits.

Let me be blunt. Every single man in the world is living in a polyamorous relationship but only a few realise it consciously. The rest engage in subconscious behaviours that betray the fact that they know it genetically, while consciously disavowing any and all knowledge. This is called cognitive dissonance.

Here is how I know. During a one month stay in a hostel I experienced high and low energy states. When I had low energy and was incapable of picking up, guys would jealously guard their girlfriends. When I had high energy and was at my most dangerous, guys would pretty much leave their girlfriends where I could easily hit on them.

So why this counterintuitive behaviour? My best theory is that guys know (on a genetic/emotional level) that their girlfriends are going to have sex with other men. The only thing worse than that would be to then lose their girlfriends to those men. Furthermore, the amount to which I want to monopolize the women I am seeing depends on how low my energy state is. That is, when I have high energy I don't care about relationships at all, but when I have low energy I do. Therefore guys would prefer (subconsciously) that their girlfriends have sex with a happy, high energy guy than with a depressed, low energy guy.

Many of you here set jealous conditions on your relationships and do things like going through your girlfriends' phones looking for texts and stuff. This feels smothering and stifling to them. Eventually, they get sufficiently annoyed with your actions and get into a fight with you then storm off. And what do they do in those few days while you are apart? I think you know what I'm getting at here.

The third post in my "natural axis" thread has a part during one night where I had massively high energy and these guys were practically abandoning their girls on the dancefloor even as I was grinding them. It made absolutely no sense EXCEPT through the explanation I have proposed here.

But if someone has a better explanation then I want to hear it.

 

[narcissist]

It's just a matter of setting priorities. What is more important to you, your relationship or getting sex? Just because we have an urge to do something doesn't necessarily mean that we should.

For example, food drives are very similar to the sex drive. Should I go eat a box of Twinkies just because it sounds good to me? Should I go down a couple of Big Macs just because I want to? Doing something just because we have an urge to is not always in our best interests.

Should I sit on the couch and watch the tube just because it sounds pleasant and I don't feel like getting up, or should I use some self discipline to get off my @ss and work out?

I am honestly not experienced enough yet to make that decision. I am honestly not sure if sex or relationships are more important to me. I have only had one serious relationship and have only had sex with 17 girls.. So very inexperienced. I think the most important thing to me is bettering myself

But what i do know is that even if we are in a relationship we get urges and all I'm saying is i would rather the girl tell me then repress it. And vice versa. I think the relationship could benefit from having sex with others. But then again I've never experienced it so it's all speculation