Poll: Family dysfunction.

[Black Widow Void]

From time to time, some of us have revealed our family background.

I suspect that a lot of us didn't grow up in the traditional type environment (self included) . I'm also sure that some members have. Anyway... I thought it would be interesting to see how the percentages reflect.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Loads of siblings so= Dysfunctional as fvck sometimes because it creates ton of drama to have many brothers/sisters etc. Not in bad way, but that's just the way it is. Its funny/ironic that those that are the only child dream of having more siblings, while us that have several dream of less sometimes xD

 

[AttackFormation]

"Family" background
I grew up with my mom, her 2nd husband, a half sibling, and 2 or 3 step siblings. None of the kids were fully related to each other. The "adults" both have neurotic personalities, and they created an environment of constant acrimonious fighting and cold enmity. They took out their frustration, anger and resentment on the kids by picking fights with them, naming them in their own conflicts, and behaving with animosity to them. I spent as little time as possible outside my room but her 2nd husband would still come and pick fights with me there, usually either when mom wasnt home or while they were fighting. I thought her 2nd husband was an irrational, volatile moron (lol) so i always fought back.

Adult motivations
My mom and dad divorced after i was born, they were just fvcking without protection or planning afaik. My mom's reasons to date my dad seem to have been that "it was trendy" to date guys like him, that "she was infatuated", that "when he didnt validate her and said she doesnt understand that god will always come before her, it was an astonishing hit to her ego and made her want his validation", and that she wanted to "tame the wild man". Everyone else said it was a bad idea to date him, but she didnt listen. Ive never asked my dad why they got together. I have tried to figure out why my mom got together with her 2nd husband, but in her own words she "has no good answer" to that; unlike my dad, she didnt even like him when they met.

Conclusion
Ever since i realised women will be with and have kids with men for infantile reasons, or for no good reasons whatsoever even to their own dysfunctional minds, i have been terrified.

 

[Serenity]

Mom and dad broke up when I was 2, they never married before they had me. My father found another woman shortly after and married her, my stepmom. After that I went a bit back and forth between living with my mother and my father until 5th grade, my mother had a mental breakdown, couldn't take care of me and my father had enough of it all. After that I lived with my father and stepmom until I moved out, they gave me a brother 4 years younger than me.

My mother is batsh!t crazy but never directly abused me until my early 20s, when her last boyfriend finally left her. She was nice to me when I was a kid. My father and stepmom are still happily married, it was a great environment to grow up in. So most of my upbringing is from a good and loving family.

Me and my brother fought a lot, he's 4 years younger than me. That's just what brothers do, we have a great relationship today though.

It was mostly the influences from my mom that fvcked me up, but I'm fortunate to have good role models too so it wasn't that hard to fix myself.

 

[Barrister]

Parents have been unhappily married to each other for 40+ years. My dad is miserable and my mom is even worse. They literally cannot stand being around one another but at he same time the dysfunction has lasted for so long they can't live apart. It greatly impacted my sister and myself in our teens in a very negative way.

It was one of the main driving forces behind me pulling the trigger to get divorced when I saw the writing on the wall. I knew I could make my unhappy marriage last if I wanted to be miserable. I didn't. I filed the papers and I have never looked back. Glad I did (for myself and for my daughter both).

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

My parents were unhappy, dysfunctional, etc, they divorced when I was in high school. I have 1 younger sister who is completely ****ed, can't even begin to get into it.

Unsurprisingly I have zero interest in ever having kids or getting married, ever since I was like 12, and each year I somehow find myself wanting it even less, which I didn't think was possible.

 

[Zimbabwe]

I'm the middle child, My older sisters got married and left to live with their husbands early on so i experienced what it was like to be an older brother to my younger siblings.

My parents have been happily married and still regularly go out on dates/holidays together. They would often leave my sisters to babysit us when we were younger. My parents were very strict but also had a very hands off approach to parenting. I think part of the reason their marriage works so well is they spend a lot of time without us, my parents have gone on overseas holidays without us while we stayed at a relatives house. Sometimes for over a month and before the internet we didn't communicate, they always bought back a ton of photos though.

Overall my childhood is the main reason why i want a big family of my own, I really liked when i was younger and all 5 of my siblings lived with us. Sure i always had to share my stuff and i never got to be alone much but i enjoyed if a lot.

 

[corrector]

Only child. Folks still together and are very happy today although there more turbulent times 30+ years ago. I am still with them and it is a house of love.

 

[Black Widow Void]

It's nice to see that some forum members did grow up in a more functional type environment. Since stories are being shared, here's mine.

Divorced parents, before I was three. Basically grew up as an only child.
My father was quite the female operator (more than anyone I've ever met or read about) but this isn't to brag. In his later years, he couldn't cope with the decline and committed suicide at age 49.

My Grandparents had told me that he was dating my mother and also her sister (my Aunt) but my Grandparents put a stop to that. He chose my mother. But here's the interesting part. He penned my mother with his fraternity brothers pen (he had previously penned another sorority girl with his fraternity pen) . He later had to confess this to my mother and penned her with his personal fraternity pen. And the girl that he "un-penned?" Well, after my mother divorced him, he was able to convince her to go out and they later remained married until his death.

My mother said that she made different choices when marrying my two future step father's (both later ended in divorce) . She said that she didn't feel in control with my dad and didn't like the helplessness. I suspect that she loved the next two husbands, but was never "in love."

I never understood why these two ever married. The very traits that they despised in the other, were the very traits that they each possessed. 10 years ago, I was in a relationship similar to my mother and father's. I thought that she and I could work through things (I recognized that she and I were both being hypocritical) . Oddly enough, she recognized my flaws, but failed to recognize her own. She, my mother and also my father were born under the Aries sign. Coincidence? Who knows.

 

[AttackFormation]

So far 6 parents remained together, 5 remained unhappily together and 7 divorced. 6+5+7 = 18, 6/18 = 33% grew up in what i assume was a healthy environment. That's not too bad!

 

[BadBoy89]

Parents still together, married for 50 years. Growing up was hell. Dysfunctional Family and family had no money. Had one brother 5 years older. Got beat up constantly by mother and brother. No sisters, no cousins, never seen or met my grandparents on dad‘s side. Met grandfather on my mother’s side for a total 10 days. Grandmother total of 40 days.

Mother tired to commit suicide when I was 10.
Brother did commit suicide when I was 32.

Not a people person. Don’t like large groups. Don‘t want a big family at all. Maybe one daughter but that’s it.

 

[SW15]

My parents remained unhappily married for most of my childhood. They separated when I was 15 and the divorce became finalized when I was 16. My parents had a 20+ year long relationship that had no business lasting more than 6-12 months.

My father (now dead) was a deeply flawed individual. He was a beta male. He also spent a lot of time working and did not teach to be a man at all. I don't think he would have been capable of teaching me how to be a man anyway. He was a pathetic human being. I had to learn how to be a man from the internet and from my uncle (mom's older brother). My uncle did what he could for me but was unable to be around day-to-day due to living far away. I am grateful for my uncle. Even my uncle is a Greater Beta, which isn't a bad thing as a Boomer. His relationship and marriage has lasted into his senior citizen years. Both of his sons bought into the blue pill fairytale and ended up divorced. My uncle's success as a beta male (a bit of fluke) set an unrealistic example for my cousins.

In a way, I am glad that my father was pathetic and that my parents had an unhealthy relationship. I was more prepared for the shiit storm of a dating marketplace that greeted me as I reached maturity circa 2000.

 

[Black Widow Void]

This probably goes without saying, but I clicked the "like" function to many of you... not to imply that I liked the dysfunction mentioned, but as a way of saying thanks for contributing.