POF has been a goldmine but have a question....

[MaddXMan]

Pof.com has been awesome since I joined 5 weeks ago. 3 different in person meets so far, one of them multiple times, and a few more that I passed on, since I screened them out prior to meeting.

Up to now I've been lucky that I could arrange the dates within a few days of exchanging messages.

Now, I have 2 women I am very interested in meeting, but have to wait a number of days. One I am meeting this Wed, and the other Friday.

I've done enough already with the site messages, and moved to text messages. Really built rapport, good natured teasing and sexual banter.

But now a number of days have to pass before the meet. My intuition tells me that I hit the right tone with the texting, my text game has been on point. But I don't want to keep it up until it gets old or loses something.

They want to talk on the phone, I don't want to talk on the phone prior to meeting them in person. I don't see the point to talking on the phone before meeting, and I was always weaker in this area.

I want to ease off the banter now until the meet. So what's the best way, just say I'm busy? Tell them they just have to wait now to meet me in person? Thanks for any advice.

 

[caporal]

Hi
I advise you to talk to them on the phone, you have to do it.
You have to do it to make her feel comfortable with meeting you because she never met you before. It;s good also to warm her up, you can build sexual tension over the phone and feel how much she is into you so you can have a higher chance of fclosing on that first meeting.

 

[Wilko]

Plenty of threads on the pre-date text vs call dillema. This is solely based on online dating (rather than cold approaches) but I maintain the default option should be text up until the first date, and that's pretty much what the wider (not seduction!) community has settled on. I have to add that very few girls have wanted to talk on the phone prior to dating, without exception the ones that did want to call turned out to be needy and highly strung, so pushing for calls has become a red flag I watch out for.

They want to talk on the phone, I don't want to talk on the phone prior to meeting them in person. I don't see the point to talking on the phone before meeting

I also hate girls assuming that they have an invitation to call me or contact me whenever they like because we spoke on the phone once. My attitude is that phone calls are a privilege a girl earns after proving herself on a first date. I definitely like using text to keep a little distance between me and my potential stalker. I've found it's much easier to cut and run if there haven't been any calls; girls will assume a certain level of intimacy exists after a call and that can make for a messier extraction if you decide to jump ship.

 

[Pair A Dice]

Call her up, but do it when you're on your way to something, so you won't have time to talk. Shoot the sh!t for about three minutes, then you're done. She's happy, you pushed your phone game a little further and it gives you an idea if it's not awkward when you talk in person.

 

[squirrels]

They want to talk to you because you can tell more about someone's social caliber by how they talk to people verbally.

My guess is that you are very good with texts and E-mails, where you have a chance to formulate a response, but when you move to verbal communication, you have a tendency to hesitate or become nervous??

That is something that you need to work on...verbal communication. This goes FAR beyond the dating world. If you hope to ever get anywhere in business or have people take you seriously in a professional environment...the office, the jobsite, WHEREVER, you are going to HAVE to be able to articulate your thoughts and opinions fluidly and confidently.

I will tell you this...and this is my experience from PoF...if you do not call at least ONCE, preferably to set up the first date, the chances of her flaking go up DRAMATICALLY. Girls get SCARED when you keep texting and don't want to call. They start wondering, "what's WRONG with him? Why can't he talk to me? Is he an 'internet weirdo'? Is he going to be too shy on the first date for me to get along with? Will he be able to f**k me like a man SHOULD f**k a woman??"

Rather than meet you in person and have to politely suffer through a date and possibly get drunk enough to do something she'll regret, it's easier for her to screen you vocally and determine whether you're worth a try.

Look at the douches on Jersey Shore...they don't text girls to set up a date or a booty call. They CALL. When a girl hears your voice, it shows, "hey, I WANT you to hear me talking, I WANT to get as INTIMATE as possible with you".

Texts are great when they're "playful". But when it's time to escalate...when it's time to move from messaging to dating, from dating to making out, from making out to f**king...you can't do that over text.

Learn to talk to people. Half of life is learning to talk to people. Think about it...the people in power in this world, Congress, Parliament, whoever...they aren't the most brilliant or beautiful people in the world. They get to where they are because they KNOW HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE. The great generals and senators and magistrates of Ancient Rome rose to where they were through their skill in ORATORY. The idea was always the same...be seen as much as possible, live a PUBLIC life, and learn how to be persuasive and build reputation.

Can you see someone like Mystery sitting there exchanging text messages with some chick he's trying to hook up with? Hell no. PUAs and true DJs are up in girls' faces to the point of being overwhelming. Phones are for when you can't be there in person. Texts are for either casual/playful flirting or when you just don't care enough to put effort into her.

If what you have to say takes any more than 3 text messages, CALL, don't text. If what you have to say involves actually doing something with this girl, making plans, etc, CALL, don't text.

If you're not good at it...then get good.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Beautifully written brother Squirrels.

The only addition to his advice is to NOT linger on the phone. Say what you're going to say, then be done with it.

Have a sense of urgency while you are talking to her. Women lust after a man who's too busy for them alone.

 

[MaddXMan]

You know how some people are nervous before public speaking or performing, but once they are on stage it all vanishes and they perform naturally?

That's me. My forte is meeting in person. Once I get there, I'm good.

Don't like - never have - using the phone.

I'm good at turning a few message exchanges into a meeting in a short amount of time. I have never had someone flake on me.

But when I can't make it happen immediately, due to kids, work, etc, it throws me off.

The next best thing for me has been meeting in person in real life, not through a dating site. But chances for that are becoming rare.