PLEASE I need help, ex-gf smokes because of me

[lYlasTer]

Lots of backstory to this story but I'll do you all a favor and get to the juice of it. I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years 1.5 months ago. Relationship was just really bad so I broke it off with her because I needed a break. My first girlfriend, I still love her to death but don't want her to be my girlfriend.

Me and my friends are like a crew, 5 of us we're all like brothers. Been through a lot together and we do everything together. The break up was REALLY hard on my girlfriend, and she started hanging out with my crew. She wants to get over me and says I'm not to speak to her or see her. Problem is she hangs out with my friends 24/7 literally, so I can't chill with them anymore as much. They supported her through this so I'm like fine, she's in good hands and I trust them.

Fast forward to last night. I finally talked to my girlfriend on the phone. She tells me she's been smoking for over 3 weeks now and all my friends knew about it. I didn't know what to say. The one promise we made to each other was that after we broke up, neither one of us would take up smoking no matter how hard life was. I feel so betrayed. My friends ****ing watched her smoke, and helped her with it. I pleaded with her, I even said I'll get back with her if she stopped. She said she'll stop smoking when she wants to, and she won't do it for anyone else. She wants me to leave her alone. Right now I'm scared because she might get addicted. My dad was addicted to cigarettes for 35 years before he could stop.

I don't know what to do. 2 months ago I had everything. My first love won't talk to me anymore. I seriously won't be able to see my "brothers" without beating the living **** out of each of them. I still care for her even though I broke up with her. Should I just **** them and move on with my life?

 

[Life-Trainee]

You sir are an idiot. Just move on.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

You call her your "first love," ergo you should have subsequent loves, right? Grow up and move on, make the most of what can happen instead of being stuck on what's already happened.

 

[lYlasTer]

bah I'm still in the transition period between AFC and DJ. I know what I should do, move on and find new girls to play with. It's just hard being the first time for me.

 

[Dee-Zy]

What's the big deal about smoking? Are you two like 14 or something? Have you both been addicted and walked through it for years or what?

I'm lost. The whole paragraph made it seems to me that she was smoking smack or something.

Get a grip man. You feel betrayed??? IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL! Sides, if she's stupid enough to smoke when everybody knows it's bad for you. That's HER problem.

 

[LuvMyArmyMan]

its her choice to smoke. Whether the break-up caused it or not, it was her choice in the first place. She could have chosen other metohds to cope.

 

[Desdinova]

She wants to get over me and says I'm not to speak to her or see her. Problem is she hangs out with my friends 24/7 literally,

Okay, let me get this straight, you broke up with her, she told you not to talk to her, but she's hanging out with all your friends? She's not only got you by the balls, but she's squeezing and twisting them. Hurts like hell, don't it?

The one promise we made to each other was that after we broke up, neither one of us would take up smoking no matter how hard life was.

Okay, I know that you're hurting like hell over this chick, but since you two aren't married, all bets and promises are off. If she wants to poison herself, let her do it. If she wants to fvck a guy with aids, let her do it. You don't own her, nor are you married to her. Worry about your own life and getting over here. Here's some tips:

- Keep telling yourself that it's over for a good week
- Go and rebound. Find any chick that's willing to date you (even if she's ugly), and let her be YOUR emotional tampon. Dump her when you get sick of her.
- Get yourself some new clothes, a new hairstyle, piercings, basically make some personal changes to help make it feel like you're on a new path of life.
- Get your ass back into the dating scene, and have some fun!

Oh, and when you're completely over the b1tch, go hang out with your pals, and bring a date, even if your ex is there. If she sees you're moving on and you're comfortable around her, she'll start feeling like 5hit and won't hang out with your friends, because the sight of you successfully dating someone else will be too painful for her to bear.

 

[flexion_]

Her smoking has nothing to do with you. Likewise when and how often you hang out with your friends has nothing to do with her either.

You aren't dating anymore - so there are no secret pacts. Move on....

 

[MindOverMatter]

who gives a damn, she's a big girl, let her make her own decisions.

besides it's just smokes, it's not like she's sucking d!ck for heroin.

 

[dearsappho]

Are you for real? Worried about whether your ex is smoking? Hahahaha...get a grip pal.

 

[giartodil]

Hey. After reading the entire situation, there appears to be very few courses of action open to you. One is to call her a complete loss and leave her alone... obviously not a very appealing option, but possibly the safest one. The other option I see is trying to get the mutual friends involved... without her knowing of course. This is risky... if she finds out, she's likely to shut them out too and be completely unreachable. Above everything else, when talking to the friends you must be very calm and collected... explain the entire situation to them and ask for their advice and help. Make it clear to them that you'd like to get them to help you out here, but don't try to force them or strongarm them.
while you are doing what you're doing I acn back you up
with prayers if you don't mind.

 

[Dee-Zy]

Originally posted by giartodil
Hey. After reading the entire situation, there appears to be very few courses of action open to you. One is to call her a complete loss and leave her alone... obviously not a very appealing option, but possibly the safest one. The other option I see is trying to get the mutual friends involved... without her knowing of course. This is risky... if she finds out, she's likely to shut them out too and be completely unreachable. Above everything else, when talking to the friends you must be very calm and collected... explain the entire situation to them and ask for their advice and help. Make it clear to them that you'd like to get them to help you out here, but don't try to force them or strongarm them.
while you are doing what you're doing I acn back you up
with prayers if you don't mind.

Is this guy for real????

 

[Metaphysikal_Lover]

WTF? So what she smokes because you two broke up. I didn't read your post just the title.

It's not your responsiblity what anyone does with their life. It's theirs so stop being CAPT. SAVE A HO.

 

[lYlasTer]

It seems like most of you guys are from the school of "I only care about myself." While life would be a lot easier if I thought like this, it's not the case. What I'm going to do is to do my best to get her to stop smoking. She says she'll quit once the stress of school stops. I don't care how AFC I am acting, but I still care for her. After my goal's done, then I can go on to my path of being a DJ. No more giving a rat's ass about a girl's feelings, since time and time again its been proven they don't care about ours.

 

[Kaine]

You know what, I really hate smoking too. My GF knows that, and is attracted enough in me to stop or least not when I'm around. Why? Because she is emotionally driven to please me.

However that girl will NOT listen to you anymore. The more you push the more she will pull away. What is motivating her to stop, your logic and facts about lung disease won't.

In fact she knows that by her smoking is getting a BIG reaction out of you is even more reason for her to continue. It's a way for her to punish you and get some satisfaction from you for dumping her. This in way gives her some of the power back that you took from her. This emotion is driving her to smoke.

You can't help someone who isn't open to been helped.

 

[MindOverMatter]

It seems like most of you guys are from the school of "I only care about myself." While life would be a lot easier if I thought like this, it's not the case. What I'm going to do is to do my best to get her to stop smoking. She says she'll quit once the stress of school stops. I don't care how AFC I am acting, but I still care for her. After my goal's done, then I can go on to my path of being a DJ. No more giving a rat's ass about a girl's feelings, since time and time again its been proven they don't care about ours.

It's not about being self-centered, it's about minding your own business. This girl did not start smoking because of you, she started it because of herself. It has NOTHING to do with you. And despite all your talk about being over her, it's obvious that you DO wanna hook back up with her and it's pathetic man (and she knows this too, hence why it's pathetic). Buy her a pack of niccorette and just walk away, this has nothing to do with you. Save your dignity now.

And besides, it's JUST SMOKING.

 

[Desdinova]

What I'm going to do is to do my best to get her to stop smoking

That's like trying to get someone to quit having their morning coffee. I hope she tells you to go fvck yourself. This isn't your business, this isn't your body, and it isn't your woman. You're better off helping one of your relatives quit smoking. They'll be around much longer than this woman. When you look back at this years from now, she'll just be an insignificant speck in your past.

I don't care how AFC I am acting, but I still care for her.

This isn't an AFC issue, it's an issue of minding your own damn business and worrying about your own life instead of hers.

After my goal's done, then I can go on to my path of being a DJ.

How many people do you know have quit smoking because one person told them to quit? If you've never smoked, you have no right to be encouraging her to quit. You've never experienced the addiction, and you've never experienced quitting. You're trying to control this person, and she'll end up hating you for it.

Are you going to continue to try and get her to quit if she continues smoking for 20 years? You're wasting your time.

Buy her a pack of niccorette and just walk away

That 5hit's not cheap. He's better off buying her some flowers, candy, a teddy bear, and writing her a poem called "Quit Smoking For Love".

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Wow is this thread ever pathetic.

 

[Desdinova]

Wow is this thread ever pathetic.

Agreed. I love it when people come here to get help, and then they tell you they're just going to do what they wanted in the first place.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

I think the pain of losing me caused one of my exes to start eating KFC every day. And I mean, that stuff isn't good for you. Think about what her arteries will look like in 25-30 years. Not to mention her cholesterol. She could die of a heart attack someday, and it will be all my fault. Jesus, how can I work past the agonizing guilt?

Please guys, tell me -- do you think I should call her and beg her to stop eating at KFC? I feel so betrayed! We agreed that neither of us would eat at KFC after we broke up! How could she do this!? Maybe I should call all of our friends and have an intervention! What do you think?