Please help me, I'm really lost.

[Dman101]

I feel like I've hit rock bottom, and I dont know what to do. I was shy and quiet in High School, didnt have many friends and no girls, but I got along. In college, I made some friends, lost my virginity and went on a tear. I met over 100 girls in person from facebook, myspace, or aol, and got a lot of bjs and messing around with a lot of females. Eventually, I met a girl who fell in love with me, and we really got along good, so we went out for a year, and had a really fun and great relationship. She broke up with me about 2 years ago, and since then I've been on a downhill spiral. A few months after the breakup, I went on facebook and met a few new girls, and was sort of dating a few, but they all evetually got boyfriends or I lost contact, and this really hurt because I really liked one of them. This was in January 2008, and since then I've been pretty much fked up. In February, I started playing online Poker which I've become good at, and this has become my passion. I feel sooo disconnected from the world. I'm in such a rut and I feel stuck. Basically I'm 6'4, and I'm pretty sexy as it was easy for me to meet girls online, and girls always try to talk to me in the club, but I have deep inner game issues. In public, I freeze up, get tense, feel soo stiff, and kind of withdraw. At work, I sit at my desk all day, and try to avoid talkn to ppl, because I'm pretty socially awkward, stutter and feel anxious, so its rough. Tonight was a breaking point because I had 4 girls approach me in the club, and I was unable to do anything, just froze up and didnt close any of them. I have a few previous girls that I really like, but I'm feeln so bad these days that I dont even want to see them because I just feel so awkward and unable to communicate with females. I feel like I cant even have conversations. Can somoene please offer me some solutions to my issues. I just want to get out of this rut, before its too late. I'm 24 years old, and I'm hoping to make drastic changes this year, but dont really know where to start. Please help

 

[HOT_CHILLI]

I feel like I've hit rock bottom, and I dont know what to do. I was shy and quiet in High School, didnt have many friends and no girls, but I got along. In college, I made some friends, lost my virginity and went on a tear. I met over 100 girls in person from facebook, myspace, or aol, and got a lot of bjs and messing around with a lot of females. Eventually, I met a girl who fell in love with me, and we really got along good, so we went out for a year, and had a really fun and great relationship. She broke up with me about 2 years ago, and since then I've been on a downhill spiral. A few months after the breakup, I went on facebook and met a few new girls, and was sort of dating a few, but they all evetually got boyfriends or I lost contact, and this really hurt because I really liked one of them. This was in January 2008, and since then I've been pretty much fked up. In February, I started playing online Poker which I've become good at, and this has become my passion. I feel sooo disconnected from the world. I'm in such a rut and I feel stuck. Basically I'm 6'4, and I'm pretty sexy as it was easy for me to meet girls online, and girls always try to talk to me in the club, but I have deep inner game issues. In public, I freeze up, get tense, feel soo stiff, and kind of withdraw. At work, I sit at my desk all day, and try to avoid talkn to ppl, because I'm pretty socially awkward, stutter and feel anxious, so its rough. Tonight was a breaking point because I had 4 girls approach me in the club, and I was unable to do anything, just froze up and didnt close any of them. I have a few previous girls that I really like, but I'm feeln so bad these days that I dont even want to see them because I just feel so awkward and unable to communicate with females. I feel like I cant even have conversations. Can somoene please offer me some solutions to my issues. I just want to get out of this rut, before its too late. I'm 24 years old, and I'm hoping to make drastic changes this year, but dont really know where to start. Please help

Well it seems like you were in the Game and then you kind of left the scene and forgot how to play. It also sounds like you're decent looking having been approached by 4 girls.
First thing is you gotta find out whats causing your anxiety. What is the exact things that eating away at you? Is it that when they approach you, you dont know what to say? Do you feel intimidated by others? Are you afraid of making a fool of yourself?

i used to feel anxious around girls but i got over that. After locating your anxieties try and turn them into constructive how-to questions. for instance say you are afraid of talking to women because you fear you will bore them. Well then you'd think to yourself 'How can i make conversations interesting?
Do you have many friends whom with you hang out with on a regular basis (NOT ONLINE)?


Think about what ive said and get back to me. Ill do my best to help you with anxieties and social problems you might have.

 

[amoka]

Stop shopping for girls online. It won't get you anywhere... Go out to the malls and meet wonderful women that would appreciate. Oh yeah, drop your online poker... it won't get you anywhere and it is time and money consuming.

 

[Dman101]

Basically its like this, when I get in public I tense up and feel really awkward and out of place. That really affects me and stops me from wanting to approach or do anything really. I'm finding it hard to keep a conversation going, like basically I'd say hey how you doing to a person like at work and thats all ive got unless they help me sometimes. In the past sometimes I was able to be sort of a ****y and funny type with girls that I met online that I knew liked me, sometimes sort of dancing monkey, but it was fun, but now I dont want to be a clown I guess, so I just sorta withdraw and dont do anything. I cant dance so last night this girl started grindng on me, and i just tensed up and froze then my friend started talkn to herinstead and bagged her. Is there any programs that could help. I like Tyler Durdens stuff, but so far I havent really changed from listening to him. Thanks.

 

[HOT_CHILLI]

Basically its like this, when I get in public I tense up and feel really awkward and out of place. That really affects me and stops me from wanting to approach or do anything really. I'm finding it hard to keep a conversation going, like basically I'd say hey how you doing to a person like at work and thats all ive got unless they help me sometimes. In the past sometimes I was able to be sort of a ****y and funny type with girls that I met online that I knew liked me, sometimes sort of dancing monkey, but it was fun, but now I dont want to be a clown I guess, so I just sorta withdraw and dont do anything. I cant dance so last night this girl started grindng on me, and i just tensed up and froze then my friend started talkn to herinstead and bagged her. Is there any programs that could help. I like Tyler Durdens stuff, but so far I havent really changed from listening to him. Thanks.

Ok first of all programs help a bit, they motivate and they give you some useful ideas, but those ideas are USELESS if you dont try using them in situations. What happened with me and many other people is that we go searching on the web for tips and techniques on how to be better with women. and there is an endless amount of info on the subject of dating. ENDLESS. It is an exploited market. You have to know when to STOP searching and just go with what you have gathered.

Before you move on dating material or girls, you have to get your social life under control. You said in public you freeze up, do you mean where there are other people, outside your home?

Anywoo next thing is conversations. Do you have problems talking to other guys? Can you easily sustain conversations with other guys? If not then trying women is like learning to run before you know how to crawl.
There are many threads on this and also a quick google search will gather many results. But ill start you off. Anywhere, you can ask people what they did on their weekend. They will say a number of things. You pick one that interests you and you ask about it.
For instance (ill give you an example with a girl)

'oh well on saturday i caught up with a couple of friends and we went clubbing and then on sunday i sat back at home watching gilmore girls.'

From that sentence there are a vast number of conversation topics, her friends, clubs, clubbing, dancing, her house, Tv, gilmore girls.
say you pick dancing you could then ask if she is any good at it, does she have a unique style and maybe perhaps could she teach you.

That is an EXAMPLE, but hopefully you get the idea. If you already socialize with guys and have no problems talking to them and making friends, then you next objective is to get a female friend. Before you start dating women again, you need a female friend to help get you back on track.
Its not hard at all. Just dont hit on her and help her solve problems that she may need help with. Ask her how her day has been. think about many guys run into the 'Let's just be friends' zone. How did they get there?

If you want a female friend, be nice, occationally make jokes, maybe even tease her a little, but remember, you are NOT trying to get a date just yet. when trying to make friends, dont focus on how you are nervous or whether she likes you, just try to be genuinely interested in what she is saying.

And if you are trembling from nervousness and such she will tend to see that as cute.
A female friend can teach you much about women. Once you have one ask them to come shopping with you and help you pick out some stuff. Women LOVE this. They will a sense of what is 'in', they will get something that suits you, compliments your eyes and such. Start taking pride in your appearance.
Having a female friend will help you so much. You will become comfortable with talking to women and your conversation skills will pick up. She will help you look better. and eventually she might introduce you to her friends which means more chances to socialize and you might even catch one that catches your fancy.

Keep me posted. Thanks for reading.

 

[horaholic]

Maybe you should see a therapist, if you can afford it. The better you feel, the easier it is to talk to people. You sound like you're under depression, but you dont quit realize it. A therapist might help you knock that shyt out, so you can be happy, thus attracting anything you really want.

Dont be like CC08. (Im not comparing you to him, dont worry!) There are people who devote their lives to helping people like you function in a happy normal way. Save some cash, and see a therapist. You'll thank yourself.

 

[TravisBickle]

this really isn't a solution to your main issue (finding stability, dealing with people, and functioning at work), but if you find yourself being approached by women and you're freezing up, you can always play the "aloof" card and still win.

 

[bornyesterday]

It's probably a mild depression what you're having. ('mild' doesnt mean it cant take a hold over your life.)
Don't worry it's pretty common.
There are several things that you do about it.

First you make contact with a therapist. I don't know how it works in the US but over here I have one for free (you'd think if its for free everyone would have one, but its more like the opposite).
Aside from the possible benefits you can get out of contact with a professional in mental health, just having a listening ear and talking about things is beneficial of itself.
I don't like pills myself as they are a crutch, but get some if you must.

Second you have to start working out. Start a bit of running, walking, cycling. Buy a couple of dumbbels and a barbell and start working out (educate yourself a bit about exercises, good form and nutrition).

Third. Eat better. Sleep well and at regular intervals. Dont drink much alcohol and coffee. Dont smoke. Be healthy.

Fourth you have to gradually play less poker (you dont have to give it up completely, but maybe when you do feel better you will automatically). Its making things worse. Dont beat yourself up about it but find some other hobby to occupy yourself with as well. Reading, sports whatever.
Don't start out with this one. Because this is probably the hardest one of the four. Not making progression here is demotivating. And there is little positive reward. If you're not getting anywhere with this put your efforts into something else first so you feel invested.

There is more little things, but essentially you need to take a break from things. Take some time for yourself. It's not just about the girls, think of yourself first, the girls come later. Trust me it's the best future investment you can make.

 

[MisterMcGee]

if you find yourself being approached by women and you're freezing up, you can always play the "aloof" card and still win.

what? expand

 

[TravisBickle]

what? expand

looking aloof >>> freezing up, getting nervous

but picking girls up shoup be the least of the op's worries

 

[MisterMcGee]

So you mean just ignore her (or dont be receptive) type of thing? I said expand, not say it again. lol