Please Help! Break Up To Make Up Letter?

[bluesmarties]

Hi.
I've recently got back together with my girl after a 2 week break. We'd agreed to give each other more space and time apart in the relationship (live in separate houses and she has a 5 year old child).
When we started out 3 months ago, she was telling me how safe I made her feel, that she wanted me at the house all of the time and that she feared I'd abandon her and disappear.
I fell right in and stupidly spent all of my time with her in a (misguided) attempt to make her feel more secure with me.
After a month she broke up with me saying I was at the house all the time and didn't have time to be alone with her friends and family.

Couple of weeks later I asked her to tell me what precisely she wanted and I agreed to give her what she wanted in a letter I wrote her.
Essentially she can only manage seeing me couple times a week at the moment.
As I do really want her, I agreed to this as I'd rather go at that speed for now rather than lose her completely by being impatient - My only ask was that it was so long as we remained totally committed to each other and agreed not to see other people unless we discussed and potentially broke things off first.

She agreed to think about it, as she needed time to make sure that I was the right man for her before she moved things forward.

I gave her what she asked for and couple days later she called saying she'd like to come over for the night and do some things the next day. It became clear when she arrived that her decision had been made.

Things were fine when she came, and she left happy. We talked on the phone as she drove home and all was good. She said she'd SMS me that night. But didn't.

I haven't spoken to her since. It's been Saturday evening and almost 2 full days and no response to the usual "good morning" texts and no response to an email sent asking her to confirm that something she asked me to get her for her child yesterday is the correct item.
All communications from me have failed and I've had nothing from her at all.

I've also discovered that she's deceived and lied to me about a couple things over the past couple of days (Not about cheating or anything like that) and to be honest, if we are going to have a relationship with some distance in it I need to be sure I can trust her.

I don't want to lose her, but I know I'm being *****-whipped right now and that she has all the control.

She is quite independent, doesn't like being told what to do, but does want a dominant man in her life in the right way, which in certain areas I already am.

I want to take control of the relationship back, and felt that perhaps the way to do that on this occasion is to write her a break-up note.

Plus, if she's thinking of ending things (again) I want to be in there first, as I think it might be what the relationship needs (and actually what she wants) to put me back in control: Her calling me to put things right.

Now I know this is playing games, but trust me, she's not bad at playing them herself with me, so don't feel too sorry for her.

I've written the following. It's supposed to be non-specific to cause her to wonder what it is I'm talking about. You'll know when you read it that it looks like I am suggesting she has cheated, which knowing her will make her call and defend herself.
Actually, the things she "appears to have done" aren't cheating, but they are indeed "worrying" and do question her "integrity" and whether I should trust her.

I realise bluffing is a dangerous game to play. She may call my bluff and ignore me, in which case it's time for NC from this end and see what happens, or she may worse still come back and say "how did you find out I cheated". But either way, if she isn't prepared to sort this stuff I don't want to continue things anyway.

My question is, do you think if a girl received this out of the blue she'd call and get all defensive, or do you think she'd just think, "it sounds like he things I'm cheating - If thats what thinks of me we're done anyway" and just not respond?

What do you guys think I should do? Send this? Write something else? Do something else?

"Hi. I'm really very sorry **** ****, but as much as I truly want you, more than I've ever wanted anyone, I can't carry on this relationship with you with things as they (at least appear) to be at the moment.

There are some very worrying things that you have said just recently and some equally worrying things that you, appear to have done that have, with enormous regret, left me beginning to start to question both your integrity and also whether or not I have misplaced the very deep trust that I have in you.

I have never before felt that I have wanted to invest as much time and effort into a relationship as I have done into ours so far, and that is a mark of the strength of the feelings I have for you - Please don't ever question that. I Love and Care for you more than I have for anyone I have met before, which makes this all the more difficult.

I have been 100% committed to you and only you since we met and I doubt very much that anyone is going to come even close to your beauty or to meaning as much to me as you do.

I also don't think you have any idea how much I don't want to abandon you or to disappear from your and (child's name) lives as you told me you feared I would, but things simply cannot carry on with what, at least it would seem, has been going on.

I am truly very sorry that I have been forced into a position today that I really don't want to be in. Please let me know when it's convenient to collect my kit.
Me"

Thanks in advance for any help with this one!

 

[Iceberg]

I want to take control of the relationship back, and felt that perhaps the way to do that on this occasion is to write her a break-up note.

I uh....how?

A note isn't an action. It's a note.

You say that you want control of the relationship? Well this note you're talking about isn't going to give you any power. Not any more than writing a letter to your boss is going to increase your control. "Dear boss. Things you said have hurt me." What's that gonna do for you?

Your power resides in one thing - Not being afraid to walk away. And this letter you've shown us just reeks of fear.

Is she writing you letters, trying to get you to understand why she's distancing herself from you? Why she's being cold? Probably not.

Frankly, it sounds like you're broken up anyway. Like if you called her up and said, "We're breaking up." She'd reply, "Oh? I thought we broke up a month ago."

If you want to make a power play, it's not going to come from a letter. It's going to come from No Contact. No "good morning" texts, no mindless chit-chat. You need to show that you're moving on without her. That you're out at the gym, or visiting friends, or taking trips. And I don't mean that you TELL her this (that's just seeking approval)....I mean, you go out and DO these things, and mentally prepare for the end of this non-existant relationship.

 

[SoSuave666]

If you send that note I will hunt you down and rip your nutsack off.

 

[bluesmarties]

It's too late - You'll know from reading my post already that she's got it.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I think he should definitely write the note. It's the best way to get this b!tch out of his life and give him more time to learn that he shouldn't treat a woman with bastard child baggage like a princess.

 

[bluesmarties]

Actually the child has a Father who is very much in contact with his kid, but thank you all the same.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

It's too late - You'll know from reading my post already that she's got it.

Strange, right? Because 20 minutes ago you started a thread asking us if you should send it.

That's kinda odd. It's like asking if you should be touching the hot stove while your hand is on it.

I think he should definitely write the note. It's the best way to get this b!tch out of his life and give him more time to learn that he shouldn't treat a woman with bastard child baggage like a princess.

You're right! Self sabotage. He just ended things for himself.

 

[AlexDP]

Playing games with personality disordered people makes you a loser. That you're willing to engage means she already made you crazy.

 

[bluesmarties]

Strange, right? Because 20 minutes ago you started a thread asking us if you should send it.

That's kinda odd. It's like asking if you should be touching the hot stove while your hand is on it.

Didn't mean I'd sent the note - I meant she already has my nut sack!

 

[HariPoter13]

When we started out 3 months ago, she was telling me how safe I made her feel, that she wanted me at the house all of the time and that she feared I'd abandon her and disappear.

BPD much?

Playing games with personality disordered people makes you a loser. That you're willing to engage means she already made you crazy.

Obviously you never experienced this, but it's not like you can control yourself. You simply can not.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Actually the child has a Father who is very much in contact with his kid...

Awesome. For the father, I mean. He gets to fvck new women, while you have to deal with his b!tchy ex and raise his kid.

 

[AlexDP]

BPD much?




Obviously you never experienced this, but it's not like you can control yourself. You simply can not.

Obviously I have or I wouldn't be saying what I'm saying, mate.